#marty deeks

***

I Guess There’s Blame to Share

Deeks sits next to Kensi’s bed, filling out a form from the large stack a nurse had handed him this morning. He’s already submitted ones for temporary medical leave for himself and dozens more on Kensi’s behalf.

The words are starting to blur together when Julia returns from a trip to get coffee. She sets a whole more than coffee down on the tiny table next to Deeks.

“I got some sandwiches, fruit, and cookies,” she explains, offering him one of the coffees. “Sorry it’s not better, but the cafeteria isn’t open yet and all the breakfast food looked unappetizing.”

“Thank you.” Deeks pops the off the coffee and takes a long drink. It’s lukewarm but surprisingly fresh tasting. “You didn’t have to do that,” he tells Julia.

“I know you didn’t have time to eat earlier and I noticed you were rubbing your head before. So, take a break from all that.” gestures to all the paperwork. “It will still be there when you’re done.”

Though her demeanor is far different, Julia reminds him of Roberta in this moment. She’s no less determined, just softer and less chaotic in her approach.

As Deeks picks one of the sandwiches at random, he notices Julia glance at Kensi and sorrow fill her eyes. Any appetite he had disappears instantly.

“I’m sorry I didn’t take better care of her,” he whispers hoarsely.

“What do you mean?” Julia turns with a look of confusion.

“I’m her partner, her—” Deeks stops before he says “fiancé”. He’d never gotten that far. “I let Kensi get hurt.”

“Marty, sweetheart, from everything I’ve heard, you had no control over what happened. I know my daughter has a dangerous job. I don’t always like it, but I know this is what she is driven to do and I respect that. Kensi is lucky to have someone who cares so much about her watching her back.”

“It doesn’t feel like I did. Otherwise she wouldn’t be in a coma,” Deeks says bitterly. A wave of anguish floods him as he remembers Kensi’s screams when they pulled her free. Then the terrifying silence.

Julia takes his hands, redirecting him very effectively. “Look where you are right now, Marty. I’ve heard the way you advocate for her with the doctors. Even though you’re injured too, you’ve barely left Kensi’s side. You are taking care of her. Just like she’d want.”

Deeks shakes his head and inhales slowly, fighting back tears.

“I know my daughter. She wouldn’t want you to blame yourself for this,” Julia insists. She squeezes his hand, a silent request for him to listen, and he eventually nods. “Good. Now please sit down and eat something. We need you strong, Marty.”

***

"You've only lived in California?" Kensi asked.

"Yes.  Born in here, grew up here, went to college here, went to law school here, passed the California bar – first time, by the way – got a job here, got several jobs here, actually," Deeks replied.

"You could have gone to college or law school out of state."

"Why?"

"See other parts of the country, see other parts of the world."

"But I like this part of the country.  I like this part of the world.  And if I want to see other parts of the country and other parts of the world, they have these amazing things called vacations.  Perhaps you've heard of them."

"A vacation is a week in someplace where you stay in a hotel, eat at restaurants and see tourist trappy-things.  Don't you want to experience real living someplace that isn't Los Angeles."

Shaking his head, Deeks said, "No.  I go on vacation to get away from the real living experience.  I want to go to Vegas, stay at the Bellagio, get a cabana by the pool, relax, get cleaned up, watch the fountains, have dinner at Prime, see some cool show, maybe laugh at a comedian, go to bed and do it again for another few days.  Viva Vas Vegas."

"What, no gambling?

"No.  The rooms, the amenities at the hotel, the fancy restaurants and the shows all cost they less than they should because the casino wants you to spend money on slots or playing cards or some other games.  I'm winning because I'm getting the less expensive food, drink, show, whatever without dropping a single penny playing roulette."

"Vegas isn't a real vacation anyway."

"Agree to disagree.  Where would you have your dream vacation?"

"I'd like to climb Everest."

"Of course you would."

"You wouldn't."

"No.  It is a fine dream vacation for someone like you but I'm not camping in the snow as I climb 29,000-feet plus over sea level…"

"You know that off the top of your head."

"I like travel documentaries.  Mt. Everest docs seem especially cool.   Or cold.  But I'd rather stay at a nice hotel with 400-count sheets, pools with cabanas and beach wait service."

"Soft."

"Hardly.  A vacation where you put your feet up and recharge is good for the mind, the body and the soul."

"As long as you have a pool side cabana and food and drinks brought to you on the beach."

"You can hoof it up a mountain, I'll be good with some guava juice and the cut fruit on the beach, listening to a podcast while the ocean does what the ocean does.  I live in California because I like California.  And you don't seem too unhappy with the place either."

"But that's because I lived other places."

"I didn't need to live other places.  Everything I want is here.  Sun, surf, mudslides, earthquakes, friends, job, good food, an occasional movie star sighting, fun things to do.  We get everything here."

"I bet you'd like someplace else."

"You are part orangutan." "You're looking at my butt, aren't you?" "I could have just picked the lock!" "Yeah, and miss this opportunity to impress you?"