i dont really have much to say today other than im very upset.
i get up a little after noon, and my mom tells me were still going out tonight. i was worried we weren't gonna be able to cause of how cold out it is, but we all still wanted to go, sense we couldnt go last week.
i spent basicly my whole day getting ready. i got up, took an everything shower, washed my hair, shaved, skincare, deep cleaned my teeth, heatless curlers, the whole nine years. i spent an hour putting on a full face of makeup like it was 2016, literally. but were late to going out. and were so late that i eventually need to go to the bathroom, so i do. big mistake. huge. cause i start to have my problem again. anyone that knows me knows im having some kind of problem and have been for roughly a month straight now.
so im stuck in the bathroom. and my mom wont go to dinner. and im arguing with her through the door "no please go you should go out i'll be fine" but she says "no i wont be fine" and were arguing because i feel shitty that because of my issue which is really not a big enough deal she needs to stay home now she and everyone else cant go to dinner.
im pissed. im pissed i spent my whole day, getting ready for dinner and we didnt even go because of me and my bullshit. shes pissed. we keep pissing each other off. its just too much. she always does this shit, gets all worked up and freaks out and all i do is feel horrible for setting her off and i dont know how to stop it. because everything ive ever done has set her off.
my stomachs killing me and im exhausted. and when i wake up i have to go shovel the driveway with her so she cant complain about having to do it alone and hold it over me.
