#buloy

LATE POST. 

To be honest, it was a gloomy Christmas again. The weather seems sad, it's cold and I cannot help to wrapped myself with a thick comforter. I stayed home the entire day because I feel like this is the best time I can spend being alone. 

I hust re-heated a left over lasagna and ate some bread as pair. I just watch couple of netflix series, a went back to sleep. 

Even though, it is a gloomy feeling, I still went out to make a small interactions with my relatives. I left home around 7pm and went to church quickly. While I was on  my way to church, I received a message from Ae and he told me he opened my gift already and the shirt I gave him fits him well. I was really hesitant if it will fit on him but gladly, it does. He sounded very grateful so I'm happy. We had quite had a long conversation which is kinda unusual and he told me a lot of things about him. I'm happy to know he is learning to open up a little to me and it's fun to know him personally. 

I enjoyed the time we spend from talking and I wish we could talk more often. I tried to calm down myself and not to be needy or possessive. I just wanted it to be chill. 

Also, I got an unexpected greeting from Buloy and I didn't expect him to greet me really. I'm starting to be shy talking to him since, he became cold to me and distancing himself to me. I felt it so, it was a nice feeling that he took time to greet me. 

After i visited my relatives, I went to my besties house and we had a good catch up. It's been a while since the last time we saw each other and it was fun to see them again. 

Christmas felt different but I'm really thankful.

Love always,

Today is another busy day for me. I need to deal with so many things, back and forth queries, finalizing and focused on one project to another.

I have been dealing with so many tasks lately and it is driving me crazy. The consumption of doing it is too much to handle to the point I cannot work on other things. Good thing I managed to work on the jobs I need to work on and I hope that tomorrow I can finish them. 

It was a crazy week. 

Anyway, nothing much special at work. Aside from having small talk with Ae. I am still bothered with what he said last time. It made me wonder why he thought of those things. I mean, it's not me who started being cold and not being cheerful. But there are times that he is doing things I didn't expect. Although, I know its far from what I can imagine. I like Ae, but that's all. I cannot ask for more. 

Anyway, Abi and I continue our decors and I managed to finish one leg of our Christmas tree. I made a tassle style and we printed a happy holidays banner. We also finalized the frames in our pictures and tomorrow I hope we can clear them off.

Nothing much today. 

All I feel is I miss Buloy, A LOT. 

Good night. 

Love always,

Another busy day. I have been dealing with multiple jobs earlier and it is driving me crazy. There are so many concerns and there are so many additional items in my model and I am really getting crazy. 

It kinda lighter feeling although I am busy the entire day. I managed to work on the things I need to work on and I am happy that somehow I am progressing. 

It took me sometime to deal with it and I think I am running out of time. I badly wanted it to be out as early as this month so I am hopeful that I can have a good salary this coming December or maybe this January. 

Later today, I had a chance to talk to Ae. I mean although I feel like we have been distancing ourselves, I tried to make some conversation still. I just helped him a little with his decors and we are laughing around with some stuff. He laughed at my jokes and he is really cutie. I like looking at his hands cause it looks smooth and soft. He has been too serious lately so I tried not to talk to him. But yeah, I'm glad we had some interactions today. 

Also, Buloy replied to me about his video having a vaccine. He is very funny although we don't have much time to talk a lot. I wish we could have some more time to talk. I know he is busy and he is distancing to me too. I don't know what to feel exactly. I like him so much but I know he doesn't feel the same way. 

Sometimes, I hate the way I really see myself. I hate being called ugly or always in the safest zone. I know I don't look physically good that's why I am not likable plus my intimidating personality. I don't know how can I worked out on this that's why sometimes, I just feel like I wanted to change everything in myself so I will look better. I really hate how I see myself in the mirror and how my body and face looks like. I know this sounds self pity but honestly, this is how I feel. 

How can I make myself lovable?

Anyway, let's stop our drama. My friends and I supposed to eat siomai as our merienda and we ended up eating in night market food stalls. We ordered Chicken Inasal and bought some barbecue. We had fun and I really enjoyed laughing around with them. It somehow lessen the overthinking in my head. 

I feel happy yet I feel sad. 

Love always,

l must say that today is very busy day. I dealt with so many tasks and talked to different project managers from time to time. I issued a project, I did reports, I worked on emails, review the responses of the clients, and catching up with schedule of the projects. 

It was so intense and I hope everything turn well this week. But, I like the feeling of being busy despite of the time required to these tasks. I like being very oocupied in a day where I can spend most of my energy keeping up the andrenaline rush with our projects. 

Being too busy today, nothing much really happened. Aside from going out with my friends have get some caffeine dose. We went to 727 Coffee again as we knew that they are celebrating their anniversary and they have a promo for one peso NYC cookies. I must say that this is one of my favorite cookies available in this town. I really like the chunkiness and the balanced sweetness of it. Plus the authentic coffee. Sadly, the coconut espresso that I used to order is already out of their menu. 

We ordered some pasta and lasagna. We also got some discounted cookies. We went home after we ate and walked on the way home. 

While we were walking, we unexpectedly saw Ae walking, wearing a sporty clothes and he looked like he will go to jog alone. I was thinking of saying hi to him but I just smiled cause I am really shy to interact with him a lot cause he might think I really liked him. 

I still like Buloy over them. Although the chance of being with him is very low since he is far from where I am. 

After I got home and took a bath, I re-heat my corn soup prepared by Mom. I really liked it and it is one of my favorite home cooked meals she does. 

My brother chatted me earlier and teased me about him getting a car. He posted a Vios similar to Buloy's car and I wish we can have one soon. I really wish I could learn how to drive so I can visit him soon. 

Anyway, good night. 

Love always,

It was a really lazy Sunday for me. I slept around 4am after the party and I woke up around 10am. I had a breakfast and I was playing with Bloom and talking with Mom. 

My Mom cooked one of my favorite viand, the corn soup with shrimp and some pork. I ate a lot actually this weekend because I missed eating home cooked meals. The past month, I have been eating either a fastfood or a viand from the locals here. 

I just missed my Mom's cooking and we prepared our Christmas Tree. It is our first Christmas tree at and I finally feel some changes in our lives. I have been dreaming for this since I was young and we finally have it. I still need to buy some decors so we can make it look better. The Christmas balls just arrived too but they were too small, so we are thinking to buy bigger ones and some flowers for more accent. 

I left home around 2pm and I sent my gift to Bammy. She liked the toys I bought for her and we are playing on to it. They are cute and we both liked them. I missed playing with my nephews and neice. They are growing so fast and I couldn't catch uo anymore. 

My brother learned to drive a car too so I am hoping that next year we will be able to buy our own car. I am excited to learn how to drive too. If only my budget will be enough maybe I will. 

Anyway, life is quite challenging for me and I hope I can balance it this coming months. I hope I can clear off my debts this month. I really do hope sooooo. 

I am planning to ask Buloy to come over with me on Ben and Ben concert, but I am shy to ask him. Maybe he will decline it and I will just be like another hopia moment. What if he will come with me? But what if he will not?

Anyway, I still feel sick and I hope I will feel better soon. 

Love always,

Oh no, December is really coming so fast and the holiday break is really coming. Earlier this morning, you can really feel the coldness of the air while walking on the way to the office. I am almost late but I manage to be there. I was busy the entire day digesting so many changes in my previous project. The Builder is coming back with a lot of revision and most of the changes are required ASAP. I managed to finished one task from the project and I made a time tracker sheet too. I also got busy sending reports, reviewing revised drawings and dealt with so many time consuming jobs. 

After work, I was busy dealing with our Christmas decors. It didn't turn out well initially but when I focused, it worked. When there just few people in our room, we finally made it. Abi and I were so proud of ourselves by pulling out some creatives juices and made it into life. I know there will be a lot more better than ours but I can say that our design is more of us, showing our personality, and most of all it is a hardwork. We didn't even know how to use some tools, how to source out items but we made it, and I am extremely proud of what we have made. 

Today is Bam's birthday. I thought they will celebrate tomorrow but I didn't know it will be today so I did overtime and stayed here in Gapo. I know she is happy with the small party she had at home and I wish I was there to celebrate with her little milestones and to her special day. 

Today, I didn't expect I need to borrow money again to pay our bills. It is really driving me crazy. It is like endless bills to pay and all I wanted is to cry for help. Good thing, Dade helped me and if he didn't I might be getting crazy already.  It was a tiring day but fun. I hope Buloy is okay cause he seemed very annoyed today. I wish it wasn't about me. 

Anyway, good night. 

Love always,

I know we've got a lot to say between now and forever.

This is one of my favorite lyrics from Taylor Swift unreased song. I remember when I was in college, the tumblr days, I heard this song from the blog that I am following and instantly fell in love to it. It was like asking your crush to stay with you cause he is the one only who can cure you. 

Anyway, today is a busy day and I have been dealing with so many stuff in the office. I did a lot of query reports, did check my revised drawings, had discussions with my PM and DA. 

It was a long day but there is one thing that instantly changed my mind. I have been feeling sick since yesterday. I have been coughing so bad and I feel like my throat is very itchy and it hurts everytime I cough. My head is aching the entire day and I kept on walking cause I wanted to sleep for a while. 

While I felt sick, I remembered the song "My Cure" from Taylor Swift and maybe if only Buloy were here. Maybe he can help me with my sickness. He can assist me or stay in my side so I can calm and sleep in his arms. 

Ae also talked to me again after being cold for a while. He is joking aroind again and I hope he feels better now. After work, my friends decided to in a Local Korean store. It's been a while but yeah it feels good to be with them.

Anyway, I am sleepy right now. 

Good night. 

Love always,

It was a busy day again. What's new?

I have dealt so many tasks today and I am working double time to beat the time. 

Anyway, after work, we went to the market to buy some stuff for our Christmas decors. I managed to do our Christmas tree and planning to fix more. We planned to buy a soft sheer cloth so we can use it in our mini pergola. After buying some cloths, we ate in the market and I bought beef mami and Japanese siomai. 

We also went to New Star to buy some extra christmas decors. I also bought toys for Bammy for her birthday. I just need to wrapped it so I'm all good for Friday. 

I finally talked to JE again. I think its about time. I don't want to avoid him anymore. Even though, he got silent when I ignored him and he is being nice again. 

Dade went to the office too and it's been a while since we talked a lot and he will be working this Christmas break too. I don't get any offers yet so I am not sure if I will be included but if I will be, I am still thinking if I will push it. I'm still torn actually. 

Anyway, I finally found a perfect gift this Christmas. I hope they will like it. I ordered the preps too. I just don't know what will give to my parents this Christmas since I'm still in grepa season. 

I hope I can meet the needs this Christmas. I really do hope so I can have extra and start over again. Too many plans this Christmas break and I hope that I will get a chance to meet Buloy, if possible. 

Good night.

Love always,