#bugs rambles

Kevin running through important history dates in his head in between practice swings at overnight practices. Every time he shoots, he's spouting off random dates to try and remember things.

Aaron showing up to practice running on fumes and 5 hour energy drinks because Pre-med coursework is no fucking joke, he has labs in the morning and like a shit ton of reading he has to do for biochem why is he HERE right now god

Nicky's supposed to be a marketing major, so where the hell is him using the other Foxes as test subjects for some marketing presentation he has to do???? Sitting down the Monsters and being like "ok I have to sell you this vaccuum, tell me if this pitch works" kind of shit.

Andrew writing case briefs at 3am while Neil is passed out next to him, muttering about how half the professors dont know shit about actual procedure.

Matt keeping spreadsheets for the Foxes' budgets that are way more detailed than Wymack asked for.

Dan volunteering to tape ankles or ice shoulders after practice for class credit.

Allison hauling giant portfolios around filled with design sketches.

1.) Even though I continually rejected him, he stayed by my side. He stayed close, was always there, always wanting to help

2.) He brings me good food, and he makes sure I’m always fed. Being someone who’s got a problem that means I literally forget to eat for days , this is important. I was 80 lbs when I met him in 8th grade. I’m 115 lbs now and in 11th. That’s a huge improvement. He makes sure I eat, and that I don’t push off food for things I usually view as more important.

3.) Nightmares. Last year and the year before I had nightmares that were close to destroying me. I’d wake up at all hours of the night, only getting 2-4 hours of sleep a day or every two days. Now that he’s my daddy, he makes sure I go to bed at a reasonable hour, going as far to stay on the phone for an hour afterwards to make sure I don’t have a nightmare, because they’re usually quick to arrive after I fall asleep. If I do have one, he wakes me up. Holds me close and comforts me.

4.) Care. My past dates may have cared, but they didn’t care . They didn’t care about the depression, or the anxiety, or the nightmares. They didn’t care about the chronic pain, the bad home life. I had one boyfriend tell me I was faking my depression and that it would “Just be better if you stopped faking this depression thing. It’s not benefiting you, Morgan.” I’m sure Noodle Boy (ex boyfriend) will be mentioned a few other times in this list as examples. Daddy cares. He suffers from some of the same stuff as me. He takes time to help me. If he finds out I self harm, he personally cleans them next time I’m over. Instead of not caring.

5.) He supports my career choice. I’ve wanted to be a tattoo artist for years. Now as I grow, I still want to be one, but I also want to be a Mortician or a Taxidermy artist. He’s one of my only dates who’s supported me in these dreams. What a weird sight it’ll be when we get out of college, a Chemistry professor or a Nurse dating a small 5'4" young woman whos coated in tattoos and uses dead things for a living. Noodle boy told me, “You’re better off getting a degree as a lawyer. Or better yet, being a house wife. Of course, you’d have to do a little exercise so you weren’t fat, and you’d probably need to go back to being a nice little christian, but I wouldn’t mind marrying you then.” yeah, literally said to my face. Daddy would never.

6.) No matter how rough it gets, he’s always there and we’re always working our problems out.

7.) He protects. If anyone even dares say something about me he gets pissed, it’s even worse if they lay a hand on me. No one’s done that before.

8.) He spoils me. Yeah, it’s generally viewed as a material thing, but as someone who spent a majority of their younger life shoved into a small room and ignored for long periods of time, attention is a very important part of a relationship to me.

9.) He does his best. I have dysphoria, as some of you who read my posts know. He knows this. He combats it every time I get it. He makes sure to do his best to use my proper pronouns. If we’re kissing, he’s careful to avoid my chest, because a lot of my dysphoria is centered on my chest. As is my depression (mentally, it feels like a physical thing and it centers in my chest). He takes care not to touch it, and to keep it covered to the best of his ability with his shirts. The size difference of the shirts helps hide it and helps a lot .

10.) He loves me for me. I bounced around between dates a lot, often quickly. It gained me a bit of a ‘whore’ rumor, even though Daddy was the first person I ever did anything at all with. None of them loved me for me . They always wanted to change me. I hate that. I didn’t like it at all. Daddy loves all of me. My belly, my eyes, my nose, my feet, my personality. Everything. And that means so so much more than he realizes.

And then. He pulls a bird out of his dreams. But not just a bird. Like not some big impressive hunting bird to flex about. She’s a BABY. She’s small and fragile and loud and she requires everything from him. He has to feed her constantly, keep her warm, make sure she survives. She’s dependent on him in a way nothing else in his life is right then.

And suddenly Ronan, whose favorite hobby up until now has been running himself into the ground, has to stay alive and functional because Chainsaw needs him. Like. He dreams her into existence and in turn she forces him to exist, to keep going. They’re both these messy, half-wild things that wouldn’t survive without each other and it’s just. God. GOD.

And the text makes it clear how bad of an idea that is. Like it’s spelled out. Every single time Adam sneaks out he’s putting himself in danger. His dad catching him would mean brutal punishment. He knows this. And still, Ronan Lynch is worth it. Adam Parrish is ready to risk his father’s wrath, his own safety, everything, just to go out in the dark and make sure Ronan is still alive.