#brotip

Laugh in the face of adversity

Me and my cousin were cracking up earlier. She was roasting me for this pic

She makes dealing with everything going on so much easier. She's going through her own shit too. She got diagnosed with M.S. I believe she had just made SWAT and she was working the narcotics division. So she had to give up her dream as well.

She adapted well. Now she runs a clothing store while she is studying to become an attorney. Sells custom tees and clothing.

So we cope with a lot of things by using humor. And if it wasn't for her being there to help me out I'm not sure I'd be mentally stable TBH.

Both joy and pain can be temporary if you don't handle your mental health properly. I'm really grateful for those people that stuck by me. Y'all give me so much strength.

I thought I was the person with the issue. Every time I ended up heartbroken.

"you cared way too much."

"you shouldn't have told her that."

"stop wearing your heart on your sleeve."

It was always the same story. You're great best friend material... terrible boyfriend material.

I spent so many late nights questioning what I did wrong. Waiting for texts or calls that never came. No matter what beautiful picture I painted in my head it never worked out.

I didn't understand it until I hit rock bottom. I wanted to die simply cause the people I cared for and loved the most didn't even think twice about me. There something about feeling undesirable and inadequate that mentally breaks you.

I think the only thing that kept me on this Earth was the fact that I didn't want to be remembered as the person who couldn't hack it and committed suicide taking the selfish way out. My mom had just gotten ahead of all her health issues and the last thing she needs is to lose her best friend, son, father, dog, all within 2 years.

So I really do think everything happens for a reason. I couldn't stand the sight of myself back then. I wasn't attractive and if you passed me walking on the street you wouldn't look twice. And with all that has transpired in the last two years I've become alot less attractive.

Trust me I don't wish this on anyone. But it has forced me to rethink how I view myself. I've got just a little bit more confidence than my younger days. And I'm slowly learning I'm not always the problem. I don't ever know if I'll find that one person who can stay for the long haul but I've made peace with that. I'm done worrying so much about the long term and just going to take it a day or at a time.