One of the things that also helps me is having a list of phrases to say when Iβm feeling rage and need to communicate that to someone Iβm having a heated conversation with. Having the phrases planned in advance makes it easier for me to use them instead of giving into the things I have urges to say.
Iβm unable to handle this right now. I need a break, please.
Itβs not your fault, but Iβm having a really bad day and Iβm not in the headspace for this.
I need to walk away from this conversation to collect my thoughts and take a breather.
I feel like Iβm about to lose it. Can you please give me some space so I can calm down?
Iβd be open to discussing this more with you but for right now, I need some space.
Iβm feeling really frustrated but Iβm not ready to discuss it.
These are just some of my go-to phrases. Yours might be different! But I do recommend planning some out.
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"Virtue, how many times do we have to go through this? You're diagnosed with BPD. You know it feels like to have BPD."
I'm getting really sick of your stereotypes
"BE AS SICK AS YOU WANT. JUST GIVE US BPD TIPS!"
ANYWAY SO. BPD TIPS!
From someone who is cis BPD.
What is a split?
A split is something that is usually two things. It is a massive feeling of either feeling extremely happy, motivated, euphoric, etc or depressive, rage, isolation, so on and so forth. A split either falls under a positive thinking or a negative thinking. It is a defense mechanism that puts the brain into fight or flight!
Something I noticed coming across BPD tiktok is that they always have a favorite person.
Having a fp affects your mood!
I just wanted to point out that having a fp is not really good because there're more negatives than positives when it comes to one
- overthink CONSTANTLY.
They take a bit to respond? Their tone feels slightly off? They're talking to someone else? OVERTHINK IT.
When it comes to me, it feels like they're replacing me and that they hate me which causes me to spiral. On that note!
- Be avoidant
When your fp brings you down, become dry or have a sudden mood change.
For me, it feels like I should stop caring because it feels like THEY dont care
- suicidal thoughts
Having a fp makes you think negatively a lot because of how easily you overthink so it would often lead to suicide or relapsing thoughts
- Have a fear of abandonment
Constantly thinking that they'll leave is quite a common thought with those who have BPD
On a less negative note
- Be happy/positive when they respond
Like I mentioned before, they affect your mood so if you're already upset prior to messaging them so seeing their message should be like a light in a dark room!
Other tips!
- Be Indesicive
You never know what you really want! Some options seem good until hours later or even right after the decision was made!
- Have triggers
Some triggers make you spiral into a split. Something that could cause a split but not limited to is a specific memory, person, object, etc!
- Have an unstable personality
Nothing about it is stable, it might constantly change and contradict each other!
- Talk to yourself
Me and my dad both have BPD and something that I have seen is that we both talk to ourselves. It's usually out loud and it's mainly me just arguing with myself over stupid things
- Go through BPDtok/ actually BPD
It's the small things but if you can relate to those posts or pretend that you do, it can give you euphoria!
Thats all I can think of, I hope it helps someone!
Remember. YOU HAVE BPD. And you are VALID.
It does warm my heart knowing that there's someone out there who wants to have BPD
a TIP is an emotional regulation technique I've been taught in therapy that's done to calm down a BPD crisis, basically a sequence of actions to calm the bodily reaction to the emotions, it's like:
submerging my face in cold water with lot of ice for 10 (or more if needed) times (calms the body / makes the mind numb a bit)
ten repetitions of one kind of light exercise (ex: jumping jacks, squats, sit-ups), followed by a few seconds of break and another ten repetition (brings you back to reality, makes you tired and changes the bodily reaction by focusing on the physical effort)
breathing exercise (4 seconds breathe in - 4 hold - 4 breathe out) to regulate your breathing after the exercise and calm the whole body and give you back some kind of stability (like a listen to your body kinda thing)
i've been told (like a medical prescription lol) to do two TIPs a day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon (plus more if they are necessary for other crisis moments), to regulate my impulses/ as a prevention kinda thing. it's there so i can write down when i actually do them and recognize if they help with my regulation in general (it does. a lot. shout out to the TIP lol)
TAB stands for "terapia al bisogno" (medication in need), and it's supposed to be taken after a TIP if it is not enough to regulate the crisis moment. I've been prescribed to take the TAB for emotional crisis [so for moments of hysterical cry or very loud loop of intrusive thoughts (sh - sui ideation - alcohol impulses, b/p impulses, that kinda stuff)], what could become an "acted out crisis" (so a crisis that ends up with acting on the damaging impulses); i've also been prescribed that same medication to take from about ten days before my period (so when, every month, i get very close to actually, actively killing myself) to lower the anxiety level and keep the sui thoughts at bay. rn it's that pre-menstrual period, that's why it's been noted down as yes in these days
i hope i answered the right question, if not, if this was about the B/P - L - D - E - SH letters, those are ED-related harmful compensating behaviour I highlight when used during the day (B/P is the obvious cycle, then there's laxatives, diuretics, exercise and self-harm (a direct consequence of a B/P cycle where B happens but P doesn't))
Something that has really helped my abandonment issues is realizing that friends of friends aren't predisposed to hating or disliking you. In fact, most people are neutral before actually meeting you, or might like you because your friend has spoken to them about you...people make friends with friends of friends all the time. So really, it's a chance to make more friends, and be less lonely. Huh.
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You know what I found helps with BPD urges when going to post negative content is typing it up as if going to post it and then hitting delete instead of post. May not work for everyone but figured I would share in case anyone with compulsive tendencies wanted to try it.
Step 1 - Identify the thought and if possible, why youβre having it.
The first step to challenging a thought is to identify it. If itβs helpful to you, consider writing it out.
Example 1: My friend doesnβt want to be friends anymore. I think this because we usually talk a lot more and lately theyβve been quieter.
Example 2: Iβm a failure and canβt do anything. I think this because I messed up and got a bad grade.
Step 2 - Look for exceptions
This involves looking out for similar situations that had ended differently than is being assumed.
Example 1: This has happened before, and it turned out that they were busier than usual with final exams.
Example 2: When my friends get bad grades, I never think they are a failure.
Step 3 - Find evidence to the contrary
Example 1: Last week, she told me how important I was to her and that she missed me.
Example 2: Iβve done a lot of things successfully. I helped a friend through a breakdown yesterday. I got a good grade on another assignment. I passed my drivers test.
Step 4 - Replace it with an alternate thought
When it comes to an alternate thought, if you can put a positive spin on it thatβs great. But I find that hard, so I try and find a neutral thought.
Example 1: Itβs likely my friend has something going on and she will reach out to me when sheβs ready.
Example 2: Failing one assignment doesnβt make me a failure. Iβm not defined by any one thing.
