#boy stuff

My best friend and I are both transmascs but we’re very different. I’m small and lanky and he’s just so big and muscular and traditionally masculine. Either way, whenever we see each other we like to “play it rough”, y’know like dogs or “boys will be boys” type shit, which is just a nice way of saying we tend to physically fight each other A LOT. I obviously never stand a chance, him being double my size and all. I still fight him every time for some reason, like I’ll throw the first punch and when he insults me for punching like a pussy I’ll punch harder even though it never hurts him and shit.

The thing is he gets angry pretty fast and always seems to take it out on me. Like when he keeps choking me just a little bit after I told him to stop or when he punches me hard enough to bruise for days (I have one in my arm rn and it hurts just to brush against it).

It was only recently that I realized that he fucking loves to fight me cause it makes him feel more like a man. With everyone else he behaves like a fucking sweetheart but only with me he bares his teeth and fucking bites hard. I think it is because I’m the only one that understands him enough to not leave the second he starts a fight, but also the only one he has an actual chance of winning. It makes me so fucking angry how much of a coward he is and how much he uses me to feel better. Just the other day, when I walked away from one of our “fights” he shouted at me (in front of his gf and all our friends) that I would never be how I wanna be (he meant a “real man” I guess).

So now I wanna shut him the fuck up. I wanna train and work out enough to put up a fight (and not loose every single time like before), I wanna get him on the fucking floor and put my boot on his neck and press hard and pull on his hair and make him apologize. I want to teach him what a “real man” is, none of his “traditional” “normative” bs, but a proud queer trans dude, something he seems to forget he is himself. I want to remind him he just got beat by a fucking faggot and I hope he feels ashamed by it. I’ll make him tell me that I’m a real man and he is just afraid and pathetic and make him swear to never act like that again and make him beg and hopefully cry a little bit until I’m satisfied and until I think he’s got the fucking point.