#borderlineawareness

Emotional instability can look similar, but the causes differ. At Brainpower Wellness Institute, we help identify whether symptoms stem from Bipolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder — ensuring every patient receives the right care at the right time.

Key Highlights: • Bipolar Disorder involves distinct manic or depressive phases. • Borderline Personality Disorder often stems from emotional trauma and fear of abandonment. • Our treatments — Therapy, Telepsychiatry, Neurofeedback, and Medication Support — promote emotional balance. https://bpwimh.com/how-does-depression-influence-dementia-risk-across-the-lifespan

My life has always been somewhat a turbulent ride. I remember distinctly describing to a friend that I live on an emotional roller coaster, with the most intense feelings imaginable. The highs are so extremely high, ecstatic even - but the lows always come with equal intensity. Being so low that I remember more of my teenage years as hysterics on my bedroom floor and drinking away the pain with straight vodka or home brew wine much of the same caliber as paint stripper. I'll never forget the time I slammed my bedroom door with such fervor that the frame came un-nailed.

Looking back at many of my past actions I often feel as though an outsider in my own life. As if that wasn't me, as if I have been possessed and am watching my vessel act of it's own volition. I watch as a third party wondering why, in that moment, those actions seemed logical, normal or even remotely justified. Until late last year I just didn't understand my actions. That was until I was formally diagnosed by the lead psychologist at the Waitemata District Health Board Takapuna branch.

Borderline Personality Disorder... At first the word itself terrified me. There's nothing wrong with my personality, what a horrible thing to say. It was not until I read the criteria surrounding it and with defeat and a sinking feeling in my stomach realised that I ticked every single box.

The next few surrounding months involved intensive therapy and constant calls from the care team to check that I hadn't had a total break down. After landing myself in the hospital for an overdose, I guess their concern was valid.

Oh, right. The infamous overdose. How did I land myself there? Well, after 20 years of undiagnosed tantrums and misdiagnosed medication treatment things tend to build up. After what seemed like a series of unfortunate events - my relationship had dissolved, I had a miscarriage, I had to move out of my house, I felt like all of my friends and family hated me because I had continuously pushed them away and I hated my job - I had turned to alcohol and lots and lots of drugs. This was closely followed by a series of reckless decisions. I was caught shoplifting, had a million and one speeding tickets and was impulsively spending my entire paycheck on clothing, drugs and basically any other item that struck my fancy - except food, who need that right? All of these things combined put tremendous strain on my mental health, admittedly a lot of it self inflicted, but eventually I reached tipping point. It was fathers day, and I felt oh so very alone. I spent my day with a close friend, one of the very few I felt I hadn't pissed off yet, made dinner and went on my way home. When I arrived I proceeded to take each and every single pill I could find in my house - figuring that the concoction would eventually end my life. After swallowing over 1000 pills I chased it down with some red wine, just to seal the deal. I then called my parents, said Happy Father's Day and affirmed my love for them both. In my very drugged and confused state I wrote a goodbye and posted it to a private page, requesting that once I had passed that someone notify my parents and tell them I love them. Fortunately as a result of this post an ambulance was called for me, after much pleading for my whereabouts.

Before I knew it an ambulance crew were at my door and ushering me into the ambulance. I don't remember much of this ride. I remember being wheeled into the emergency department - concerned faces everywhere. By this point my body was in semi-convulsions. I was unable to control my limb movement. At some point they fed me charcoal in order to make me vomit. I don't remember when exactly. Much of that stay in the hospital was a blur. I was on every monitor under the sun and had tubes in my veins. I don't remember them putting those in either. Some friends came to see me while I was there. I don't remember much of that, as I was fading in and out of consciousness at that time, but what I do distinctly remember is the moment my sister rushed in. She had just arrived at the hospital and had come all the way from Hamilton as soon as she heard I was in hospital. The pain and fear in her eyes was something I had never seen in her before. She was always so strong and at that moment I realised the reality of what I had done. I never want to see that look in her eyes ever again. That night I made two of the strongest people I know break down. My sister Joanna and my Father are two of the strongest people I know. They never cry and always seem to have such a calm approach to everything. A trait I have envied all my life.

BPD has one of the highest mortality rates of any mental illness. A prospective study showed a 3.8% completed suicide rate in a sample of borderline patients at 6-year follow-up. Earlier studies reported rates from 8% to 10%—approximately 50 times greater than the general population.

It's not an easy road, recovery. But it is possible. BPD is treatable and you can improve your quality of life. Please don't wait until you are on a hospital bed to understand your worth and right to recovery.

Borderline whaaaat? Borderline personality disorder is an Axis II psychiatric illness. The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders categorizes Axis II disorders as stable and durable disturbances in psychological function categorized by the following:

Intense abandonment fears - The person will go to great, often irrational lengths to avoid being abandoned by friends and loved ones. This includes real and perceived abandonment. People with BPD are typically insecure and hypersensitive to signs of rejection and abandonment, which means they sometimes see it where it really is not.

Emotional disregulation - In other words, rapid-cycling mood swings. While bipolar disorder, for example, features alternating periods of depression and mania, each lasting several days or even weeks, mood swings in BPD are much more frequent and abrupt. A person with BPD can be angry, depressed, joyful, and bored in one afternoon.

Self-destructive impulsivity - This includes such behaviours as compulsive spending, casual sex, substance abuse, gambling addiction, and shoplifting.

A pattern of black-and-white thinking - They perceive themselves, others and the world around them as either "all good" or "all bad". Their perception of another person, for example, will vary from complete idealization ("She can do no wrong.") to complete devaluation ("She is a cruel, evil person."). This tends to compromise the stability of the BP's relationships with other people. This is termed "splitting."

Self-injury - Though this is not reported in all cases, around 75% of people with BPD who seek mental health treatment self-injure in some way.

Suicidal behaviour - This includes suicidal ideation (thinking about or considering suicide) and suicide attempts. Suicidal behaviour in BPD can also arise when the person feels threatened with abandonment.

Identity disturbances - People with BPD typically cannot see very far into the future (e,g,. have trouble setting long-term goals for themselves) because they have a handle on their authentic self.

Inappropriate and uncontrollable anger- This is extremely damaging to relationships. People with crave close relationships, then unwittingly sabotage them.

Dissociation- (a feeling of detachment from one's body and actions) or paranoid ideation as a reaction to stress - This usually happens in more severe cases of the disorder.

Chronic feelings of emptiness-This is associated with identity problems.

People struggling with BPD already have enough on their plate without having to deal with the stigma and lack of understanding associated to their disorder. We can change that! You've already helped to make a difference by reading this article.