its really fun when you know that one of your closest friends is literally experiencing feelings of hatred towards you, and you’re super not sure what to do because you don’t understand the way their head works, and you don’t want to be pushy while they hate you, but also know that if you back off too much they’re going to think that you hate them. and you feel like shit, because you know that you did contribute to the split, but you also know that you’re not in the wrong, so you don’t want to apologize because that means you’re taking responsibility, but part of you wants to apologize just so they’ll start talking to you again. and you know you haven’t been doing a very good job of being supportive, and that things have gotten harder since their diagnosis. and while you understand a little bit better than you did before, there is still a lot that you’re trying to wrap your head around. and you feel bad again because they have some many more things to wrap their own head around. and you’re exhausted, and you know they must be too, and everything is shit. yeap. its really fun, i promise.
