Rumplestiltskin: Rumplestiltskin (1970)
"I'm Rumplestiltskin but I'm not a fairy tale; I'm on Bell Records ..."
So read 55-year-old promotional materials advertising this mysterious U.K. hard rock band named after the old Brothers Grimm fairy tale (correctly spelled Rumpelstiltskin, by the way), but were they truly capable of spinning musical straw into gold?
Well, I'm sure a few overzealous record collectors would want you to think so, but take it from me: the largely forgotten quintet's cunning attempt to mimic the suddenly profitable heavy rock stylings of Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, and others was highly suspect.
First you should know that singer Peter Lee Sterling, guitarist Alan Parker, keyboardist Alan Hawkshaw, bassist Herbie Flowers, and drummer Clem Cattini were all seasoned session musicians with prior experience playing pop, soul, rock, you name it, through the 1960s.
But here, they concealed their identities behind Groucho Marx mustaches and pseudonyms -- Peter Charles Greene (*), Andrew Balmain, Jeremy Eagles, Jackson Primrose, and Rupert Baer, respectively -- to throw first-generation metal-heads off their scent.
And masterminding all of this subterfuge was producer Shel Talmy (The Who, The Kinks, etc.), who probably hustled Bell Records' old fart A&R staff about this manufactured group and then was too lazy to even flesh out a convincing backstory story in the liner notes.
Heck, even the comic strip covering the album jacket deals in conniving impresarios taking people for a ride, but enough about these shenanigans -- let's talk about Rumplestiltskin's songs, which tend to be both creatively and structurally flawed ...
For starters, guitarist Parker sounds like he was just discovering fuzz distortion on the nasty riffs of "Make Me Make You," but he's zooming up and down the neck like Jimmy Page within a few minutes, before the group breaks down into a subtle and sultry blues.
Clearly cobbled together at very short notice: this first cut sets the tone for a lot of unfocused songcraft and disorderly arrangements (see "Mr. Joe (Witness for the Defence)" and "Squadron Leader Johnson"), often salvaged by undoubtedly capable musicianship.
At their best, Rumplestiltskin get in and get out before they can get themselves into trouble, just like their deceitful namesake: locking into a catchy groove on "Knock On My Door" and noodling efficiently on their eponymous instrumental.
But the tired old psychedelic formula of first single "Pate de Fois Gras" and sleepy, workmanlike, space-filling blues and soul clichés of "Poor Billy Brown" and "No One to Turn To" showed minimal effort and commitment.
And how could it be otherwise, when these same musicians were also plying their covert trade under similarly shady monikers like Hungry Wolf and Ugly Custard, while simultaneously performing on albums by Olivia Newton-John, Gerry Rafferty, and Serge Gainsbourg?
Maybe if they'd committed to Rumplestiltskin, more music fans would have tried to guess the band's name (sorry, couldn't resist), but instead even fewer took notice of their second LP, Black Magician, when it was released in '72 by German label Bellaphon.
p.s. -- Also in 1972, singer Stirling -- now calling himself Daniel Boone (?) -- enjoyed a cheesy M.O.R. hit with "Beautiful Sunday."
More Obscure Early '70s Heavy Rock: A.K.A.’s Do What You Like, Alamo’s Alamo, Ancient Grease's Women and Children First, Asterix’s Asterix, Atlee’s Flying a Head, Bang’s Mother/Bow to the King, Birtha’s Birtha, Blackwater Park’s Dirt Box, Bloodrock’s Bloodrock 2, Blues Creation’s Demon & Eleven Children, Bolder Damn’s Mourning, Boomerang’s Boomerang, Buffalo’s Volcanic Rock, Bull Angus’ Bull Angus, Cactus’ Cactus, Captain Beyond’s Captain Beyond, Charlee’s Charlee, Copperhead’s Copperhead, Cradle’s The History, Crushed Butler’s Uncrushed, Curly Curve’s Curly Curve, Dies Irae's First, Fanny Adams’ Fanny Adams, Flied Egg’s Dr. Siegel’s Fried Egg Shooting Machine, Flower Travellin’ Band’s Satori, A Foot in Coldwater’s A Foot in Coldwater, Fuse’s Fuse, Gift’s Gift, Hard Stuff’s Bulletproof, Haystacks Balboa's Haystacks Balboa, Head Over Heels’ Head Over Heels, Heavy Cruiser’s Heavy Cruiser…
Even More Obscure Early '70s Heavy Rock: High Tide's High Tide, Highway Robbery’s For Love or Money, Incredible Hog’s Volume 1, Jericho’s Jericho, Jerusalem’s Jerusalem, Jody Grind’s Far Canal, Kahvas Jute’s Wide Open, Leaf Hound’s Growers of Mushroom, Lucifer’s Friend’s Lucifer’s Friend, May Blitz’s May Blitz, Night Sun’s Mournin’, Nitzinger’s Nitzinger, Orang-Utan’s Orang-Utan, Pink Fairies’ Never Neverland, Pluto’s Pluto, Poobah’s Let Me In, Power of Zeus’ The Gospel According to Zeus, Road’s Road, Sky’s Don’t Hold Back, Silberbart's 4 Times Sound Razing, Sir Lord Baltimore’s Kingdom Come, Steel’s Steel, Stray’s Stray, Stray Dog’s Stray Dog, Tapiman’s Tapiman, Tempest’s Tempest, Thundermug’s Thundermug Strikes, Tiger B. Smith’s Tiger Rock, Tin House’s Tin House, Titanic’s Sea Wolf, Toad’s Toad, Trapeze’s Medusa, Truk’s Truk Tracks, Tucky Buzzard’s Tucky Buzzard, Ursa Major’s Ursa Major, Warhorse’s Warhorse, Warpig’s Warpig, Weed’s Weed, White Witch’s A Spiritual Greeting.
