#blel

i've got monkey paw and pandora box extra doodles (ignore the mecin3gs) for a hostus community.....,,, 👅

(TW: Some of these are mildly NSFT)

like. ok.

I did really good today. 

listen, I suck at school. I suck at school so much that it takes me a week to write a 2 page paper/homework. I usually plan for this (or more often try and fail). when I have something bigger I literally never do it bc I can’t, like I just fall apart from the stress of writing papers, I can’t do it, it makes me want to cry and contemplate suicide and it is just all around a super sucky experience. and then the deadline comes closer and it gets so much worse.

it wasn’t always like this.

yesterday I got really tired of sitting at home bc I never get anything done here, it is actually making everything worse (idrk why but I think it has to do with a) distractions and b) my environment being really messy bc i never tidy my room) and so I went to starbucks yesterday by I had a new idea that maybe a change of scenery would be good for me. and I sat there forever but I made a to-do list and I finalized my outline/structure for this fic and started really getting into the writing and I was really happy about that.

I also really considered my to-do list and realized that I have a presentation tomorrow that I was not prepared for and a 900 word homework to hand in also tomorrow.

so today I went to starbucks again because it worked pretty well yesterday and I read both the texts those assignments are dealing with (one of which was stupid complicated and the other one of which had 40 pages) and I wrote like the first quarter of the homework and that took me 6 hours which I realize is crazy for most people, but I am so happy. especially with the deadline so close and me feeling ambushed about it and everything being unorganized and kinda awful I managed to do more work today than I have been able to do in a single day since like 2012 and felt good? (like, I have done this much work in one day since that time but that usually involved crying and staying up all night and just literally feeling like I dont deserve to be alive)

and, idk, it’s just a big deal. 

juliaagron

juliacrisss

immerimmer

happyfreeconfusedandlonley

miserableandmagickal