Just some of me complaining since I don't actually have a problem with it other than just not being a fan, but I am not enthralled to be having to hold a proper system meeting for the first time in a while with specific parts in our system. Generally with therapy and shit we've managed to get a "specialization system" and check and balances that make it so most of us can work independently on the thing we are specifically good at and get help from others if needed, so we don't really have to talk as much about things and all, but its come to the place with one of the healing targets where we have conflict and no set like... hierarchy of who to just listen to cause no one holds proper "domain" or specialization over this and ugh.
I'm glad we don't have to do this as much thanks to a lot of communication and trust with one another, but its been so long since I've had to actively try to sit down and summon relevant parts to the table to have serious talk about shit - let alone trauma related shit - but we have therapy tomorrow and me just sitting here not organizing how we are going to address this topic and just putting it off will not really help us get through this so I'm just groaning.
It's not a huge deal, I'm more than fine and for having the meeting cause its important, its the right thing to do, and all parts deserve to be heard, but the trauma part of my brain and my control issues and tendency to want to do things myself has me whining about it. Unfortunately, unlike in the system at large, I am one of the "Adults" and "Well Adjusted Parts" so I have responsibility to do what I know is right.
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I prefer the whole system looking at me as the stupid dumbass host that can get away with doing things not the most healing because I'm a child (not age related, just in "*sigh* Children"). Booo recovery is lame I don't want to think about therapy cause I don't want to deal with this issue cause this issue is complicated booo. Actaully dealing and addressing complicated issues within the system rather than ignoring it and insisting your way booo. Being healthy and communication with your parts booooo. Dislike. Ratio. /joking
Ugh living in a chronic internal democracy is a bitch. Why can't I just be the senate. /joking
