Jul 6
omg my mom is being such a problem child. like, its a flash flood warning and storming like crazy - and i'm trying to tell her its dangerous to go to the gym rn. and she isn't listening to me. i'mma cry.
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omg my mom is being such a problem child. like, its a flash flood warning and storming like crazy - and i'm trying to tell her its dangerous to go to the gym rn. and she isn't listening to me. i'mma cry.
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guy who entirely depends on logic to survive massively debuffed by not remembering anything he said more than two minutes ago
isn't it kinda funny that in the bnha fandom, really only bakugo fics do well consistently LOL
Just some of me complaining since I don't actually have a problem with it other than just not being a fan, but I am not enthralled to be having to hold a proper system meeting for the first time in a while with specific parts in our system. Generally with therapy and shit we've managed to get a "specialization system" and check and balances that make it so most of us can work independently on the thing we are specifically good at and get help from others if needed, so we don't really have to talk as much about things and all, but its come to the place with one of the healing targets where we have conflict and no set like... hierarchy of who to just listen to cause no one holds proper "domain" or specialization over this and ugh.
I'm glad we don't have to do this as much thanks to a lot of communication and trust with one another, but its been so long since I've had to actively try to sit down and summon relevant parts to the table to have serious talk about shit - let alone trauma related shit - but we have therapy tomorrow and me just sitting here not organizing how we are going to address this topic and just putting it off will not really help us get through this so I'm just groaning.
It's not a huge deal, I'm more than fine and for having the meeting cause its important, its the right thing to do, and all parts deserve to be heard, but the trauma part of my brain and my control issues and tendency to want to do things myself has me whining about it. Unfortunately, unlike in the system at large, I am one of the "Adults" and "Well Adjusted Parts" so I have responsibility to do what I know is right.
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I prefer the whole system looking at me as the stupid dumbass host that can get away with doing things not the most healing because I'm a child (not age related, just in "*sigh* Children"). Booo recovery is lame I don't want to think about therapy cause I don't want to deal with this issue cause this issue is complicated booo. Actaully dealing and addressing complicated issues within the system rather than ignoring it and insisting your way booo. Being healthy and communication with your parts booooo. Dislike. Ratio. /joking
Ugh living in a chronic internal democracy is a bitch. Why can't I just be the senate. /joking
why the fuck is my company still using [obsolete programming language]
like i know why we’re still using it but
W H Y
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Hello @clansayeed , I really hope you're fine and I'm sending you an ask (for your ask game) to show that you're not alone. Moral support, you know? 😅😅 Aaaaand I'm so bored at the moment...
Ask game: How have you been? It's been so long. What are you doing, anything interesting you're writing at the moment? 😉
I've been okay. Dealing with some mental health things and the like, the usual there. But I've had the opportunity to take some vacation time while my store is closed for an interior remodel and I'm using it to refresh and replenish my creativity... or so I hope, lol.
Not having to pull away from writing to go work will be a big help, on top of the fact that I won't be stressed from customer interaction every few days?? So let's see if something fun and creative comes out of it! Fingers crossed!!
Thanks so much for sending this and I hope this answer finds you well too, darling! @ladylamrian
FULL DISCLOSURE: next week I will be scarce. we’re coming up on what I call hell week, where my boss comes and makes me miserable for the entire week and to deal with it, my mind pretty much dissociates in order to cope. usually I tend to be pretty distant/drained in this span of time, so obviously I will not be getting things done here.
I will likely not respond to things on disco for a while either because at the end of those long days (nearly 12 hour days for which I only get paid for 8...) I tend to come home, shower and proceed to knock myself out with a muscle relaxer I reserve only for when he is in town.
that being said, I do have the next 2 days at work alone and hope to crank out a few replies in that time. my only day off this week will be sunday, and I plan to spend most of that time off of tumblr and attempting to prepare myself for the storm. thankfully he’s pretty unreliable and tends to not show up until the middle of the day (if at all) and leaves 2 hours before the day is over...but trust me, the days where that happen still end up draining tf out of me because STRESSFUL help me
I think one of the reasons I have a hard time accepting Echo, even after she “redeemed” herself (albeit off-screen) is because whether intentionally or not, The 100 writers gave her everything I’ve ever wanted for Clarke and left Clarke with nothing.
Clarke used to have a family (The Delinquents).
Raven used to be considered one of her closest friends (Princess Mechanic used to be a thing).
Clarke was slowly building up a romance with her best friend and partner (Bellamy).
Clarke was considered a leader among her peers and someone they looked to to make decisions.
Going into season 5:
The Delinquents are split totally between Wonkru and Spacekru and have totally dis-aligned with anyone not in their group, leaving Clarke totally isolated from her old family who she thought of constantly for 6 years. Echo is part of Spacekru and therefore their family, where Clarke is not.
Raven’s “best friend” is now Echo. And Raven has animosity towards Clarke for her actions to protect Madi in season 5.
Bellamy is in a relationship with Echo.
Echo is seen making decisions and being a leader for Spacekru throughout season 5 despite being the newest member of the group.
Everything Clarke had before: family, friends, a love interest, are all gone. And in her place stands Echo with everything she once had.
At some point it stops being about Echo as a character and instead about what Echo represents in the narrative and as a reflection of Clarke. Audiences don’t react to fact and logic, we react to emotion. We have watched our heroine, our main character Clarke Griffin slowly lose everything and suffer for 5 whole seasons. And then a character who was introduced as a villain, whose whole “redemption” and “character development” was done off-screen through a time jump (and therefore earned absolutely nothing), is suddenly a main character and now possesses everything that used to matter to Clarke. The only things that ever made her happy. Echo went from trying to murder Clarke in season 4, to trying to murder her in season 5, while also living happily with Clarke’s family who are all at odds with Clarke.
It doesn’t matter how much the writers hype up Echo in interviews or have other characters hype her up. It doesn’t matter that she’s changed, that time has passed, or whatever. Those are all simply seasons and justifications. It’s just words. To have a successful story you must speak to the audience’s heart and invoke an emotional response within us. And the only emotional response I’ve had to this whole plot has been negativity. Most of us feel like Echo has robbed Clarke of everything she once had and become her replacement. And you can say words at me “explaining” why she’s not and why I’m wrong or it’s irrational to feel that way, but it can’t change the way the narrative of the show has made me feel.
A part of me almost feels like that writers did this intentionally to emphasize even more how completely isolated and alone Clarke is, what an outsider she now is to what used to be her life. It’s all part of this Buffy Syndrome the writers insist on inflicting Clarke with--torturing their main heroine throughout the duration of the whole series and breaking her down in every which way possible. Never allowing her to have a moment of peace because she is their perpetual martyr.