#bisexualstruggles

BOY, I GOT MANY

You go to work the next day pretending nothing happened. Your co-workers ask if everything's okay and you tell them you're just tired. And you're trying to smile. And they're trying to smile.

but the princess looks into her mirror and only sees the princess, while I’m out here, slogging through the mud, breathing fire, and getting stabbed to death. 

A man takes his sadness down to the river and throws it in the river but then he’s still left with the river. A man takes his sadness and throws it away but then he’s still left with his hands. 

You miss the point: the face in the mirror is a little traitor, the face in the mirror is a pale and naked hostage and no one can tell which room he's being held in. 

I’ll use my body like a ladder, climbing to the thing behind it, saying farewell to flesh, farewell to everything caught underfoot and flattened.

I’m saying your name in the grocery store, I’m saying your name on the bridge at dawn.

I swear, I end up feeling empty, like you’ve taken something out of me, and I have to search my body for the scars

and with this bullet lodged in my chest, covered with your name, I will turn myself into a gun, because I’m hungry and hollow and just want something to call my own.

The heart is monologing about hesitation and fulfillment while behind the red the heart is drowning.

Love, love, go ahead and have another plate of it, it doesn’t run out. Of course, I wonder if they love me back, which is, really, besides the point. I don’t do it to be adored, I do it because my love keeps getting bigger and that’s what happens. 

If the dead are watching, I want them to see us writing, dancing, singing, painting. I want them to see that we still reach out to each other.

but if there is a Truth out there, to be had clearly and definitively, I’m not sure I’m the kind that can get to it; and if I can get to it I’m not sure I should be the one entrusted with it.

I clawed my way into the light but the light is just as scary. I’d rather quit. I’d rather be sad

We dream and dream of being seen as we really are and then finally someone looks at us and sees us truly and we fail to measure up. [...]  Sometimes you get so close to someone you end up on the other side of them.

I wanted to explain myself to myself in an understandable way. I gave shape to my fears and made excuses.

What can you know about a person? They shift in the light. You can’t light up all sides at once. Add a second light and you get a second darkness, it’s only fair.

How much can you change and get away with it, before you turn into someone else, before it’s some kind of murder? Difficult, to be confronted with the fact of yourself. Opaque in the sense of finally solid, in the sense of see me, not through me.

This is how you make the meaning, you take two things and try to define the space between them. [...] Let's say that God is the space between two men and the Devil is the space between two men 

Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story. 

I’ll be your slaughterhouse, your killing floor, your morgue, and final resting

I made this place for you. A place for you to love me. If this isn’t a kingdom then I don’t know what is. 

the thing is: I am always very much in love and very much afraid and nothing else.

We make these ridiculous idols so we can pray to what’s behind them, but what happens after we get up the ladder? Do we simply stare at what’s horrible and forgive it?

My favorite kind of pie is cake. I have a giant umbrella that protects no one. My father is a sadist and I am my father’s son. These statements are not lies but perhaps they lack a certain clarity. // Someone put their hand in my heart and they didn’t take it back out. If I died tonight, no one would notice for weeks. My father is a sadist and I am my father’s son. I learned it well. Do I have the stomach for it? Do you really want to know?

Dad says he means no harm and Mom says she just gets a strong gut feeling sometimes. We’re a family of liars, but psychic and sadist are slanderous words and I don’t have the kind of proof that would hold up in a court of law. [...]  We’ve all revised our histories so many times I wonder what true things will be left to say when I’m finally allowed to say them.

character: hate them | don’t really care | like them | LOVE them | THEY ARE MY PRECIOUS

ship with: These asks are making me wonder if I just fail at shipping, IDK I don’t really ship Giulia with anyone. Maybe she found herself a hot dude in Carbognano idk, I’d ship that.

friendship them with:  SILVIA!!! I loved how the show never let you forget their friendship. NGL, that moment where Giulia is in the church praying after Silvia died, completely vulnerable... I cried so hard. You realized that it was hard for both Alessandro and Giulia to lose Silvia and I’m really grateful that the show didn’t just center Silvia’s death around Alessandro.