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Binary genders and lifestyles are not and never will be "more serious" or "more real" than non-binary and genderqueer genders and lifestyles. Our lack of civil rights, something no one ever talks about, is just as serious, real, terrible and life threatening as that of binary trans people's reductions in civil rights. Do not partake in binary supremacism.
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The idea that nonbinary = genderlessness is still a massive reinforcement of binary surpemacism. The idea that if you are not binary, you must, simply must lack a gender or care nothing about your gender is simply a belief in the idea that genders outside manhood and womanhood are impossible or unimportant. The idea that "there can only be two genders". I see this view parroted around by binary people all the time, particularly trans health organisations which is extremely damaging for enben (both genderless and not) seeking medical care and lifesaving gender affirming care. It still subscribes to the idea that enben who are not agender simply don't exist, and that if we care about our genders, we also don't exist. I as an enban am allowed to care about my gender just as a man or a woman would.
I am nonbinary, and I care about being nonbinary. I have a gender, and my gender is under the vast nonbinary umbrella. Nonbinary is not always non-gendered. Not even most times.
A story like Nex Benedict's makes you think. It makes you think of all the enben and enbies who are visible and androgynous or neutrally presenting. It makes you think about how they won't ever blend in, and how that makes them a target. It makes you think, what if that's me? It makes you think... they have killed one of us, how many of us have been killed or wrought to die? It makes you think, the account banning of a binary trans woman overshadowed completely the real death of a real enby in the real world. It makes you think, no one called this a crime of exorsexism, but they binarised Benedict and made it a crime of transandrophobia. It makes you think, if it were me, if I were the one that was killed for being non-binary, would they go through such efforts to binarise me when the news got out? Would they make such efforts to find out my assigned sex? Would they make such efforts to overshadow my death, or would it be effortless?
It makes you think, how many were there? How many of us have died like this? And how many were slated as cis, how many as binary trans? How many were completely overshadowed? How many times did people fight to not call it exorsexism? How many visibly GNC nonbinary people are on the scoreboard? How much longer until it's me? How much longer after that until it's not me anymore, it's the binary person they have flattened me into?
Everyone will talk the big talk about why enben are okay with binary gendered terms, but no one will critically deduce the reasons for why that is such a common thing in the NB community. Because when you are not binary aligned, those terms don't really capture your gender, explain who you are to other people and don't make space for people like us. But they are convenient, everyone knows those terms, and they "work well enough" if you ignore the fact that they are erasing you. They always cause discomfort, discourse, exclusion. So why are they so commonly used by non-binary people even though they do not accurately describe or include us?
(hint: it's binary supremacism)
"haha I thought that said exorcism!"
Okay? Why tell us this? What's the point of coming into a space where people are using accurate vocabulary for describe the systemic oprression and social discrimination they face to subtly mock the vocabulary? It doesn't matter if you don't mean it as mockery, it is still a childish comment that completely details the conversation, as everyone is now invested in educating the binary person who doesn't know nonbinary language or school the person making a joke out of it. Maybe this is just a pet peeve of mine, but it's profoundly irritating nonetheless.
You do not have to tell us what you thought it was or make a joke, or go into places of active theorising and conversation and make it all about your lack of knowledge of nonbinary terminology. As a binary or very binary aligned person, you must be aware of the supremacy you hold, unfortunately even in nonbinary centred spaces. Do not make these spaces for talking about our issues amongst one another become about your misunderstandings.
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