#bigchan

"We will fight together - in every life, in every universe."

ready to be found

The day before Big is set to be discharged from the hospital, a still-recovering Chan takes a moment alone to prepare himself for the inevitable return to their previous, professional relationship. Regardless of how close he and Big have become during the months together in the hospital room, he knows it's unlikely to last. But perhaps it doesn't have to be that way.

all roads lead home to you

Pete: Kinn, freshly showered, no shirt on

Big: I am 90% straight

Pol: Ken, tied up for training

Big: I am 80% straight

Arm: Chan holding a gun

Big still takes the bullets for Porsche. When Kinn arrives, he initially thinks he is dead. Tawan still presses the button and kills himself. However, the bombs Tawan placed end up being duds and the effort was for nothing.

Once they realize the place isn't about to blow up, they go back inside to get Big's body. He turns out to be unconscious but alive. They rush him to the infirmary and he miraculously pulls through, but is going to be there for a while.

Despite the Drama™️ going on, Kinn, Porsche, and his fellow guards visit him. Kinn is very thankful and sorry, Porsche is thankful as well but feels like Big should value himself more highly and tells him as much, and the rest are trying to be present.

Even Tankhun visits him. He usually talks about how he should put demands on Korn to change up the decor of his room. But occasionally, he tearfully thanks Big for saving Porsche. There is also one time that he tells Big he deserves a better ending than the one he tried to give himself. That he may not have leading man energy, but he could totally be half of a secondary couple in a K-Drama if he just found the right person.

"And sometimes the secondary couple is more interesting anyway!"

But out of everyone, Chan visits the most frequently and has been putting the most work in when it comes to Big's care.

The thing is, Big notices two guards aren't around: Pete and Ken. The guards tell him Pete is visiting his grandmother, and they sound believable enough when they say that, even though it seems like strange timing. But they won't meet his eyes when he asks about Ken, and their stories never line up.

Chan eventually tells him. While the truth paints Ken as a traitor and there is no getting around that, Chan tries his best to empathize with Ken by telling Big that Ken was likely approached by Gun with an incentive to be a double agent. If he would have refused, it would have cost him his life a lot earlier on. He says it to let Big know it's okay to mourn Ken. Ken was still his roommate and his friend, regardless of what he did.

They become closer after that night, and Chan talks to Big in a way that is less gruff and more gentle. Big finds comfort in him, and has prior to this. Chan was the one who made sure Big took an extended break after his father died. He drove an hour each way to check on him at his mother's house back when that happened. So Big has felt comfortable coming to Chan in his moments of worry or doubt, and he has always viewed Chan with respect and affection while the other guards tended to be more intimidated by him. But something feels different now.

He doesn't know who to talk about it with though. Ken is dead, and he probably would have teased him and said he had a crush on their boss.

Does he?

Chan is at least ten years older than him. He probably shouldn't have a crush on him. He's also actively taking care of Big, and Big has a long recovery in front of him. He's setting himself up for unrequited love. Again.

Speaking of, Kinn is continuing to visit. He does so frequently, and Big can see that he's wracked with gullt. Big still feels his heart beat a little faster whenever he walks into a room, but that is starting to feel different too. Kinn almost feels like a friend now. That's probably inappropriate as well, but on a lesser level.

So he holds it in. He plans on doing so forever until he wakes up gasping from a nightmare. Chan had fallen asleep in the chair, but wakes up when Big does. Instead of telling him it's just a dream, he scoots closer to comfort him, strokes his hair, and holds his hand until he falls back asleep.

Big ends up telling Pol, of all people. It just slips out. Pol doesn't seem like the right person to tell, but not the wrong person either. He manages to strongly empathize with and defend Tankhun, while most of the guards tend to steer clear of him, so maybe he will understand this insanity.

Pol is actually nice to talk to. While he doesn't completely understand a potential crush on Chan because Chan is intimidating, he gets having a crush on someone a good bit older. He thinks he might be into a bartender friend of Porsche's, and she has several years on him.

The conversation doesn't give Big any answers, but it does make him feel a little better. He's able to be around Chan and not feel like freaking out.

That is, until Korn "dies" and the attack approaches. Chan has Big moved to a more secure location a day prior. Big wants to stay, Chan won't let him. Big only feels okay about leaving when Chan says he will command from the armory while Arm sends out remote attacks, that he won't be a frontline guard.

Chan lied.

Does he die? Does he miraculously live like Big manages to in this canon divergent fic or like Vegas does in canon? Depends on how much I want to torture Big, I suppose...

Chan: I can’t believe it.

Big: Me, of all people! Fucking Porsche!

Chan: Big?

Big: Mmm?

Chan: Can you not talk about Porsche while I’m /inside/ of you.

Kim: I'm playing hard to get