#kpts

imagine YOU were born into the largest crime family in thailand and imagine that YOU were raised as the deadliest of your brothers and imagine YOU only ever wanted to get out of the damn family and imagine YOU got out and make music for a living now and imagine YOU find out that your brother is obsessed with a certain bodyguard and enough so that he becomes part of your brother's guard and imagine that YOU meet the cutest boy at a university event and knows so much trivia about you but it doesn't matter bc nothings gonna come of it and imagine YOU find out that said cute boy is mysterious bodyguard's little brother and you think okay, i can work with this so you offer guitar lessons for cute boy and imagine that YOU over the course of these lessons slowly but surely start falling for this boy and you try so hard not to because he's just a means to an end but he's sweet and he's kind and the stars live in his eyes and you cant help but kiss his cheek when he confesses and imagine YOU show up to his house unannounced and you spend one glorious afternoon with him in your arms and maybe you think this is how life was supposed to be and have you ever been so deliriously happy before? and then he gets kidnapped and you go to save him and you leave before he wakes up and all this really tells you is that your family is a curse upon everyone it touches and your boy is sweet and kind and he has hopes and dreams and he's too good to be constrained by the lifestyle you were born into so you pull away and it's hard and it's miserable and all you really want is to go back to that sun-soaked afternoon and then he finds out who you really are and he confronts you in front your apartment with teary eyes and he asks a whole bunch of questions that kill you a little like was any of it real? and did you ever love me? and you want to shake him and say my heart lives in your chest now. the world is a little dimmer when i dont have you by my side but you want him to achieve everything he wants out of life and you want him happy and unrestrained so you make yourself cold and dissmissive and you throw out an insincere sorry and you listen to his sobs as you force yourself to walk away and then imagine that YOU find out that he's in danger and he's mad at you and he hates you but you cant stand the thought of him hurt so you let him play his video game as you kill like 8 men and then imagine that after all that you think okay any day now his brother will get him out of this and your boy will live a happy life full of joy and normality and away from guns and bloodshed and you will be nothing but a unhappy blip in his past never mind the fact that every day your heart sings out his name and that every love song you write is about him now but that doesn't happen and his stupid brother takes up the minor family head position and now your boy is firmly ensconced in that awful, warmthless, bloodstained compound and none of what you did matters now and all the hurt you put him through, the hurt you put yourself through, it doesn't matter anymore and YOU come to realize that you broke both of your hearts for nothing. imagine that.