#big realizations

holland being the coltland twins(/coltland gentry, or even just colt bro) like. uncle or father or whatever, and he goes with colt to a movie set one day yk to look around have a lil family bonding trip or whatever.

tom sees colt heading in and starts charging up his usual bullshit, n then he sees holland in all his cigarette smokin, messy blond and slightly greying hair, crows feet, mustached, rumpled suited glory and his brain just.. stalls. reboots. hes having some revelations in real time. knees weak, heat curling in his gut, eyes wide, swallowing hard n stuttering n shit. he coughs out a few disjointed words and then all but runs away on unsteady legs.

It’s not that I can’t “read and watch” (I want eng dub w subtitles and generally always have subtitles on no matter what I’m watching)

It’s that I can’t immerse myself in the characters. It’s not necessarily the “I don’t speak the language” it’s that I don’t understand the tones/personalities. I realized I heavily rely and relate on peoples speaking cadence and tone and head cannon a lot of their personality based off what I interpret. I just simply don’t have that with subs.

Originally published on Miki Agrawal by April 16, 2021.

One of my big realizations from my Hawaii trip is that I need to sit still in meditation for more than 20 minutes at a time. In Hawaii, I did 70 minute meditations up to three times a day and the breakthroughs and what-felt-like-psychedelic-blast-offs-to-new -realms-and-possibilities happened often after the 45th or 50th minute. 20 minutes isn’t enough for me. It’s a good place to start but because my life is often quite hectic, to really unwind and drop into my being takes me much longer than 20 minutes. Now that I am back in Austin and not jet lagged anymore, I am committing to a daily practice of 60 minutes of meditation for the next 30 days in the mornings. I will report back on what happened.

PS. At the end of my Hawaii trip after meditating more than I have all year, I got blood work done and @markhymanmd messaged me that ALL of my autoimmunity is gone. No “graves” (I never labeled myself with that term anyway but still!), thyroid is normal, hormones are all normal, everything is back to 100%. LET’S GO!