#beingfat

There’s days when you feel beautiful and then there’s days when you feel like the ugliest person on the planet. Today is one of those days. Those days when you feel like you want to change and have this “glow up”

I toss and turn on my bed, thinking about how I had spent the last week walking 8km or more every single day while starving myself on a diet of just a banana for 24 hours each and yet somehow I managed to perfectly maintain that imperfect weight. 

I get up and look in the mirror to see a girl, average height, average face, if anything, covered by acne scars, bumps all over forehead, a few blackheads here and there, holes and craters where cysts used to thrive and a nice thick layer of sebum all over the face to give it that extra oily glow it needs to highlight all of my misery. 

I try to avoid looking at the face and my eyes can’t help but land on that big belly and as i lower my gaze even further, thighs that could be the size of someone’s waist- body hair all over the place just to add onto the feeling of being disgustingly human. 

Stretch-marks covering every inch of my skin where acne could not have reached, some still red and purple, fresh and new- a sign that I am still growing. Growing the wrong way.