#beforethewar

Pushing past the doors, Eden wasn't surprised when she met with a familiar face.

Polly Gray.

Not saying a word, she took the younger woman's arm in hers and guided her towards the Watery Lane. Eden remained unaffected as they walked side by side, arms clinging together and heels smacking against the cobblestones.

When people saw Polly, they briskly moved out of the way, clearing a path allowing them to walk by without any trouble.

Eden could feel the Shelby Matriarch studying her, the bags under her tired eyes, the lack of colour on her face and the absence of her signature red lipstick.

Although it wasn't allowed at work, she knew the Dawkins woman would be quick to apply it as soon as she stepped out of the doors.

"Where's that smile of yours? People will think I'm holdin' you hostage."

"And if they did, they wouldn't say a word, would they?" Eden's hoarse voice caught Polly off guard.

The walk from the hospital wouldn't take long but Polly had questions.

"What happened to ya voice?"

"I lost it," Eden answered keeping her gaze to the cobbles.

Polly wasn't satisfied, "How?"

"Couldn't find it this morning," or in other words, she spent her nights crying.

"Enough with that cheek," Polly's stern voice caused Eden to sigh, "Tell Aunt Polly what's wrong."

Giving in, Eden stated, "Your nephew for starters."

"Gonna have to be more specific, can't be poor Finn who's got your voice sounding like Arthur's," Polly quipped, then received a sarcastic smile.

"Why, thank you."

"I've got just the remedy for the attitude and ya soar throat and no need to worry, no one's in."

Eden felt slightly better after hearing that, "That's a first."

"Oh, don't I know it."

—

"You know how exhausting it is to be Eden Dawkins?"

Polly stared at the Dawkins nurse, who was sitting on the couch, feeling nothing but empathy as she put down a cup full of honey and lemon for her to consume.

"How 'bout you tell me then, you've been silent since we've walked in," Polly retorted, leaning back in her chair with her cup of tea which had some whiskey in it. "It's worrying y'know? You're always talkin'. If it's not 'bout your books that you have your head stuck in, it's to do with your work."

"Not just those two," she murmured, before taking a sip of the drink, that soothed her throat.

"Oh right, can't forget that chocolate cake you're always obsessing over." Polly has heard countless times about how much the chocolate cake from the market down in Digbeth was one of her favourite things in the world.

Eden suppressed her smile, "It's nice cake."

"Believe me, I know," Polly said against her cup.

"You always know."

Raising a brow, Polly asked, "Tommy tell you that?"

"John did, Finn too," Eden replied, dismissing Tommy's name.

"My bloody nephews, but they're right, 'cause Polly Gray always finds out. Now why have you got the size of the Garrison under ya eyes?"

Eden let out a deep sigh, "You know why."

"Of course I know, I want to hear it from you," Polly noted each time the nurse shifted in on the couch.

She looked anxious or was it irritant?

"Thomas," Eden begrudgingly answered.

Polly hummed, "Stirrin' up trouble is what he does."

"I know."

Pursing her lips, Polly added, "And you knew that before you started messin' with 'im."

A bitter laugh escaped Eden, "So it's my fault?"

"Never said that so don't go puttin' words in my mouth," Polly warned, then took another sip of her tea.

"Then what you tryna say? I should expect 'im to make me cry, batter my friends if they get too close, make a scene?" Eden pressed, tilting her head.

"Yes."

"Wow."

Polly watched Eden subdue her simmering her rage by drinking, giving her time to explain.

"Because he's a man. Men kick, scream and shoot and as a woman, we clean up their messes, 'cause  if we didn't the world would fuckin' burn."

Placing her drink down, Eden asked, "And what if I want that?"

Polly was caught off guard by her question, "Then you're just like Tommy."

Eden couldn't scoff quicker, "I'm nothin' like 'im."

"Actin' on emotions, waving weapons 'bout like it's a bloody flag and kickin' and screamin' like you're hairs on fire?" Polly listed, smiling when Eden tensed up, "Yes, I heard all 'bout the incident, I was there when the truce was decided," Polly tried to not sound too amused, "few people have pulled a weapon on my nephew, think you're the only one he was afraid of when it happened."

"He's not afraid of me," Eden didn't think that was possible, she wasn't much to be scared of.

"Oh he is, come on Eden use that big brain of yours, he's scared, not for the reasons you think."

Disregarding her statement, Eden decided to ask, "Do you think women have to clean up after men?"

"We do because we have something they don't," Polly informed, putting her cup to the side

"Balls?"

Polly chuckled, "The ability to keep going."

Eden averted her gaze, "Sometimes I don't think I do."

"You do," Polly spoke with a hint of admiration.

"How do you do it?" Eden turned back to her,

There were days she just wanted everything to stop and she was barely an adult. Wondering how she would continue was a question she asked herself every time she got out of bed.

"Five children wouldn't 'ave been fed, cleaned and clothed if I didn't," Polly said sternly, then looked to the floor as a flood of memories breached her mind.

Memories of children, her kids, running up and down the lane along with her wild nephews and little niece, Arthur tossing little Michael out of the window and John putting him into a shoe box and kicking him up the lane, all while Tommy sat and chatted with little Anna. A smile wanted to form on her face but she wouldn't let it, because that's all that it was, memories, the past, even though she wanted it so desperately to be present.

Searching her dreams every night she prayed she would never find her children.

And if she did, she doubted if she could go on.

Straightening up her back, Polly looked at Eden.

"Before you two fell out –"

"-- Broke up –" Eden's correction fell on deaf ears.

"-- did Thomas say things when he slept?" Polly wondered, confusing the nurse.

"We haven't been together for a minute Polly," Eden answered, starting to think why she allowed the Shelby matriarch to bring her here, she should've gone home, considering it was almost five in the afternoon and she'd been working for nine hours.

Christ.

"Answer the question," Polly demanded in a light tone.

"I don't remember," Eden wanted to groan at the pointed look she received, "Fine he used to mutter and twitch in his sleep whenever he dreamt."

Polly's eyes grew wider, "Did he say what these dreams were about?"

"Polly..." Eden sighed, knowing that she would've given up, God these Shelbys are relentless, "he never said anything, but I heard him mutter stuff."

"What stuff?" Polly was now leaning forward, gesturing for her to go on.

Rubbing her forehead, Eden tried to remember, "Rokker I think, same three words, karo I think... fee or fi and nova?"

"Kařo, fi, nivă?" Polly corrected her with perfect pronunciation.

"I think so. Why?"

"Tommy and his dreams." Glee danced in Polly's eyes and Eden didn't understand why.

"I suppose."

"Remind me to read your tea leaves next time you're round," Polly didn't leave any room for argument.

Eden slowly nodded, "Okay."

Polly thought back to the images she saw whenever she stared at her second oldest nephew, A little girl with russet skin and sapphire eyes running through the fields trying to get to a large horse with a woman chasing her, both were happy and both were smiling.

It was similar to when Marta got with John, only with John she imagined a whole vardo full of children.

Kařo, fi, nivă. Horse, girl, field.

Polly was delighted, so very delighted, but the sombre look on Eden's face made her shake the thoughts... For now.

She wanted to get down to the issues at hand, wanting all the chaos to be put to bed.

"He doesn't trust me," When Eden spoke, emotions coated her voice.

Clanging her nails around the arm of her chair, Polly spoke softly, "He sees things like objects, if it's not his, he wants it and when he gets it, he tends to not let it go."

"Great so I'm a fuckin' toy to 'im," Eden didn't mean to snap.

"Watch that tone with me," Polly warned, seeing the regret in the younger woman's eyes, "and to answer your question, you have to show 'im why you're not a toy."

"If I forgive 'im," Eden pointed out and quickly shook her head at the look she got.

"Eden."

"Please don't say it," Eden whispered, looking down at her hands, trying not to pinch the skin around her fingers.

"I'm tellin' you this 'cause I know our Tommy, he has this essence... this potential that will bring something to this family, my family, the family I know you'll be part of someday. So you're gonna forgive 'im, Eden Dawkins."

Her shoulders slumped as she glanced up at the older woman, "Polly... what he did to my best friend --"

"I know what he did, forgivin' him don't mean forgettin', believe you me there's a huge fuckin' difference."

Eden sighed, recalling that Greta said the same thing to her not long ago, but she wondered, if she ever did something to hurt Tommy, would he forgive her?

"But--" she was cut off by the sound of someone storming into the house.

Tommy was quick to lean against the frame of the front room door, eyes zeroing the brown-skinned woman who looked away and sighed. He attempted to not let his eyes wander over her uniform, but it was so hard.

Polly sat back, feeling the tension rise in the room, Eden's hurt demeanour immediately morphed into crabby.

"Your mum said you were here," Tommy finally spoke, shooting a look at his fascinated aunt.

Eden's head snapped toward him, "And how would my mum know that?"

Tommy's eyes softened at her sore, just as he was about to ask what happened to it, his aunt interrupted.

"I told her, caught Celestine on her lunch break, " Polly informed, unaffected by the scowl on Eden's face.

"Right."

Tommy couldn't help but snicker at his ex-girlfriend.

"What's so funny?" Eden grew aggravated, by his presence, his eyes, the way he looked good leaning against the door frame.

"You can come to mine, but I get kicked out if I step a foot in yours?"

Eden was quick to nod, "Pretty much, yeah."

Tommy stepped into the room and asked, "What happened to ya voice?"

Eden made a face, "None of your business."

"It is my business, you're my business," he argued, eying her.

Polly scoffed at the pair, believing they thrived off arguing. Eden challenged Tommy in ways she hadn't seen before, it was annoyingly entertaining to watch.

Eden rubbed her temples, ignoring when he checked the cup she was drinking, instead, she faced Polly once more.

"I haven't got the energy to argue with 'im," she gritted out, disregarding the mirth swimming in his eyes.

"And you think I do?" Polly retorted.

"You've been doing it for twenty-two years."

"And you'll be doing it for twenty-two more."

It was Eden's turn to scoff, "Not bloody likely."

Polly snorted at the glare Tommy sent her.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" he asked, sounding irritable.

She gesticulated, "We're not together anymore."

"Y'sure about that?" Polly mused, eyes flickering between the bickering pair.

"I'm sure," Eden said just as Tommy countered, "She's not sure."

"Pol," Tommy sent his aunt a pleading look, for her to leave the room, which she didn't take note of, so instead he turned back to Eden in defeat, "Has Changretta talked to you yet?"

"And why would you care?" Eden used her anger as a facade.

Enzo hadn't responded to her letters she ended up writing as Dorris informed her that he didn't want to see her just yet.

"You said he hadn't before," Tommy continued, unaffected by her attitude, just curious if they were in contact. Judging from her appearance, she hadn't been getting any sleep and he knew he was one of the reasons for that.

Folding her arms, she glared up at him, "And I bet you're loving that."

"Fuck sakes Eden."

"What, you are, you hate whenever I was with 'im, even though were just friends."

"Bet he hated that," Tommy's tone lowered, much to the women's annoyance.

"Blind as a bat, you are Thomas," Polly spoke, fully amused.

Tommy ran his hands throw his hair, "I don't need it from you, for the tenth day in a row Pol."

"Just friends or at least were," Eden sounded very hurt.

"Wouldn't be any more than that, the boy isn't interested in little Eden over here, or any other girls if you must know."

Polly's words stunned the ex-couple.

"Polly!" Eden screeched, jumping out of her seat.

"What?" she recalled the day she saw Enzo heatedly staring at some boy in the market she visited one day.

"You can't just go 'round saying that," Eden was too busy stressing out, she didn't account for Tommy who continued reeling at his aunt's statement.

"Tommy hasn't got an issue with someone's sexual orientation do ya? Or I haven't rasied you right," Polly noticed how confused and surprised his nephew seemed.

Tommy's eyes flickered between the two women, knowing what was said was true, which only meant that all the times he suspected the was something going on between Enzo and Eden, or that Enzo wanted Eden, all the touches, hugs, cheek kisses... they were platonic, they were just friends.

And he assaulted Lorenzo Changretta for no reason, none at all.

"It's not right, to just say somethin' like that Polly, he wouldn't want that," Eden eventually settled back into her seat, fiddling with her hands as Polly rose from her chair.

"Now you, my dear nephew can cut that poor boy some slack," she nudged Tommy onto the couch, "I'll leave you two and go and start on our tea."

The door shut.

Eden gulped, too busy thinking about how Enzo would react to his secret being exposed, would he blame me? What if he thought I told everyone, he would hate me even more.

Tommy's eyes never left her, her anxious fingers beckoned his hand to soothe and calm her as she did for him, but it was too soon. Far too soon.

So taking out a cigarette, Tommy begrudgingly lit it, hoping she would've done it instead, but no. It was the closest he'd been to her in days, her body screamed for him to hold, caress and worship. His lips yearned for hers, just like his every being craved to be with her all the time.

Oh, how he could not be in love with Eden Dawkins.

"Changretta likes blokes," he said as the smoke escaped his lips.

Eden's jaw clenched, "Don't, Thomas."

"He doesn't like girls," he spoke aloud, coming to terms with the fact.

"Can't believe Polly said that – or told you, Enzo could get killed for the speculation," Eden stressed, turning to him.

"She won't tell anyone."

"And will you?" she asked, earning an offended look, "what?"

"I'm no grass," Tommy took another drag, "and I'm not gonna judge 'im for having a preference."

"But you battered 'im, Thomas," Eden rushed out.

"I was wrong about that. I know he doesn't fancy ya now."

"So if he did, it would be fine," she sneered.

He rolled his eyes, "That's not what I'm tryna say alright?"

Her jittering hands caught his eye, he offered her the cigarette and surprisingly she took it, and quickly inhaled the tobacco.

Tommy watched the smoke drift from her lips and up to her nose in awe.

"Do you think I would care that he fancies men?" he questioned, senselessly shifting closer.

"I don't know."

"He can stick his cock anywhere as long it's not you," he muttered thoughtlessly.

Eden grimaced, "How romantic."

Tommy hastily pulled out the necklace again, earning a groan from Eden, knowing what he was about to say.

"Put it on."

"You can keep the necklace, my neck is doing fine without it," Eden sassed, knocking the ash into the ashtray he brought to her.

"How It's bear?" he stressed, eyes dropping to her neck.

"So what?"

"You kept the journal," he remarked, annoyed that she wouldn't keep the necklace.

She shrugged, "You left it at mine."

"You didn't have a problem putting the necklace back in my pocket," he pointed out, nevertheless, his nervousness was getting to him, "I was impressed."

"'Course you were."

"Just put it on," his throat was starting to get dry.

"Why?!" she yelled.

"So you'll be safe alright?!" he yelled back and it was then that Eden noticed the worry in his eyes, "I need you to be safe so put it on, can't have anythin' happenin' to you because it's not on your person."

"I'm fine," she said, tone softer than before. 

Tommy shook his head, "Please, just keep it on you even if you don't want to wear it."

It's because of his mum, Eden recalled all the times Tommy told her why he believed his mother took her own life and the fact she took off the necklace was one of them. Fuck.

Eden swallowed the not forming in her throat and looked at the necklace in his hand as she put out the rest of the cigarette.

"Please..." she heard him whisper.

"If I put it in it means you're forgiven."

"It means you put it on."

"I'm not putting it on," she said calmly, seeing the emotions flood his eyes, "You can't force me, I'll do what I want when I decide, not you."

Eden coyly looked up at him as he reluctantly placed it back in his pocket.

He wouldn't be able to breathe steadily until it was around her perfect little neck and she knew that she's not forgiven you, she's nowhere close.

"Thomas..."

"Tommy," he tried to get her to say, but she wouldn't.

"You said I make your head spin," she said calmly, recalling his past words.

"I wasn't lyin'. You make my head spin. That's good,  I can't stand the silence," he spoke reassuringly. "The last thing I want is silence."

Eden nodded, "Right."

"What happened to your voice?" he had to know.

Eden softly shrugged, "Lost it."

"Couldn't find it this mornin' ey?" he joked, nearly putting a smile on her face, "how did you lose it?"

"Cryin'." she told him, his amusement faded, "just for a few nights."

"Because of me?" he dared to ask, seeing her lips move hesitantly.

"Yes, and other reasons, things that have been on my mind for a while."

Enzo, he knew she wanted to say, only causing his guilt to spread.

Tommy placed his hand on top of hers, seeing her fingers twitch in anxiousness, but moved away.

"Come to my room – no funny business," he promised after catching her eyes narrowing, "I need to tell ya somethin' — please Edie, won't take long."

There it was again, Edie, he said it for the second time, almost to compel her to agree.

And she didn't.

"Say what you wanna say 'ere, the doors shut, only your aunt's in. I'm not leavin' this room."

She stared at him, waiting for what he was going to say.

"You never let me answer your question y'know," referencing their last sorrow-filled interaction, "Why I won't let ya go. I'll tell you why. I spent days sittin' on Shadow — he misses you —, anyways, when I'm riding or even trotting through fields, needin' to find the highest place in Birmingham, to reach the highest sights so I can look over everythin', be above everythin', like a King. And once I found it, the highest place in the city all I could think of was you. You being beside me... sitting in front of me on that horse overlookin' the city like a Queen, my Queen. That is why I stay with you because that's what I see in you, I won't stop. I treated you like shit and I'm sorry, I can't take it back no matter how much I wish to. And I know you don't think so, but I trust you, with my life and in our relationships. Now, since you're a Queen I'll get down on my knees to prove to you how sorry I am."

"You'll get on ya knees?" she asked, completely choked up from all he said, his dreams, and aspirations all included her and she didn't know how to feel or what to do.

She started the day, no way close to forgiving him, but his speech made her want to, just a little bit. 

"For you, I will," he promised, already thinking about getting down on his knees for her.

"Do it."

As soon as the words were spoken, Tommy lowered himself to his knees in front of her, stunning her.

"I was right to prioritise you," he continued, "if its time, love and effort you want, I'll give it to you. I know I'm not a patient man, not always, but I will be I'll try to be alright. Can't happen overnight burn I promise it'll happen."

He waited for her to say something, anything at all, but nothing came.

It drove his nerves up the wall.

"You owe me nothin', but I want this to work. I can't apologise to Changretta because the truce won't let me onto his territory, not for a while, but if you ask me to do anything else, pride aside and all, I'll do it. Tell me what you want love."

Eden didn't know what to say... its a first and she knew it.

There were a lot of things, he had to do for her to willingly get back with him, but there was a list of things she needed before she agreed to anything at all.

So she said,

"Time Thomas," she said definitively, "that's what I need."

He smiled,he'd guess that was progress.

"Then it's time I'll give you."

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a/n:

polly highkey just outed enzo... christ. (the way ada did the same in canon to her friend james) i was going to say "back then" but now even now people get killed for not being straight or cisgendered.

everyone wants eden to forgive tommy as if he hasn't hurt her and its tough because wherever she goes a shelby will be there. just wanted to highlight the lack of options most women had back then, they just had to deal with their issues privately and just had to keep going. eden is clearly struggling but is expected to bounce back. polly wasn't trying to dismiss her feelings but she was basically saying what's expected of her.

don't worry tommy hasn't been forgiven just yet, which is why I didn't let her put on the necklace, i mean i would never get back with him after he put hands on my best friend, but eden's not me.