#becomingness

Adlerian Psychotherapy, Chapter 3.

Source: https://www.sagepub.com/sites/default/files/upm-binaries/40298_Smith_(TCP)_03_watermarked.pdf

I take good care of myself.

I own my gifts.

I live in my values.

This podcast is about learning to set (compassionate but firm) boundaries with your parents and in-laws. It is very Christian! (I am an atheist) and it is directed at “Moms” (I am non-binary), but there are some very useful pieces of wisdom in it. Dealing with in-laws is especially difficult, as sometimes I want to bite my mother-in-law’s head off. (Kidding. Kidding? Kidding). But I have been searching high and low for resources that will help me find a way to deal with it in a relational way—for my own good, for the good of my relationship, and for my (currently nonexistent) kids’ good. And this, surprisingly to me, was one of them. 

—Believer or not, the bible effects how our society effects people to behave. And one verse that definitely effects Western culture is “Obey your parents.” I think this verse is part of the huge shame people feel about speaking “against” their family, even if that family was abusive or toxic. Townsend seems to have a biblical “remedy” for that verse. As he says: ”The bible says: ‘Children obey your parents.’ It also says, ‘Adults honor your parents.’ But it never tells us once I’m a functioning adult that I must obey my parents. I must honor them. So then, what does honor mean? Honor means respect them and be thankful for the things they did that were right, and take their opinions into consideration... In the Old Testament to honor meant just to give weight to. But it never says obey them.” 

— Hurt is different than Harm. You can’t set limits in a way that people will love it. People always dislike limits. You may “hurt” people by setting limits, but you aren’t harming anyone.