#beccablogs

Wanted to write out all my thoughts here coz I need to talk about this! Enjoy a short little break from Takarazuka posting as I chat about the other fandom I am most passionate about, the Grishaverse! (This will contain spoilers for season one and the Six of Crows duology)

So I have been theorising non-stop ever since season 1 ended about how they are going to continue including the Six of Crows characters in the Shadow and Bone story, especially with the introduction of Wylan into the cast, and now with this Entertainment Weekly article, we can finally start to put the pieces of the puzzle together!

First of all, my thoughts on the big news about Ruin and Rising being included in the new series. I think it's important to reiterate that the article does NOT say it will cover the entirety of Ruin and Rising which seems to be miss reported in the majority of fandom posts I've seen. Instead, it says they "will also cover events from Ruin and Rising" which suggests it will be partially covered. Whilst this still makes me a little worried about the show's pacing, I'm not too scared by this. If memory serves me right the events of Ruin and Rising pick up straight after where Siege and Storm left off (please correct me if I'm wrong, I don't have the books on me at the moment) so I could see them continuing on a little further into Ruin and Rising if they wanted a more substantial ending to the season rather than a full-on cliff hanger. What does make me worried is their mention of a plot point from another book that even surprised Leigh Bardugo. This could be good or bad! But it has motivated me to finally start King of Scars in case there's anything from there, so well done writers!

Now about the crows! I've seen a split in fan opinion about this, some are happy that the creators are waiting before they start the ice court and others are upset because of the worry of deviating too much from the Six of Crows story by having to fill in another season of backstory and also the very real worry that the show will be cancelled before we get to it. I am in the former camp. I think this is a great idea personally. I've decided I'm just not gonna think about the possibility of cancellations coz I just want to enjoy the show whilst we have it, I don't want to be worrying about the what-ifs, so for now, assuming we do get to continue the show this is definitely the right way to go. And there's definitely still so much potential for things to cover before we get to the Ice Court heist.

First of all, Nina. When Six of Crows starts Matthias has been in Hell Gate for a year, I doubt he will be in it for that long (unless the show begins after a time skip) because they need to justify why they introduced him in the first place in season 1, as the Nina Matthias storyline was probably the most disjointed from the main plot in season 1. But I do think that this gives potential to show us how Nina got involved with the crows and how she became so close with them, particularly Inej. The two have a really strong bond in the books but we don't get to see how it started so I'm looking forward to seeing that!

Next Wylan. Wylan has definitely been the Crow that has confused us all with what the writers have planned for season two, and now that we know he is not there for the Ice Court heist I think it's safe to say that like Nina we have the potential to see the early stages of his involvement with the crows. We know Wylan had been working for the crows before the Ice Court and that Jesper was the one that was sent by Kaz to hire him, but we don't know much outside from that. So I feel this season will be a good way to fill that in, and from the wesper content we've seen, this is definitely going to happen. I think the biggest mystery will be if we find out he is a Van Eck this season or if they are saving it till Ice Court time, because the character development they can do with him I feel is so reliant on his relationship with his father, so it will be so interesting to see what they decide to do with that. Also, will we get the start of the Wesper romance? The worry with waiting for the Ice Court heist to happen whilst having these characters already established is what does that mean for the romance plot lines, will they be put on hold or will they have them developed before the storyline even starts? On that note, let's told about my favourite ship of all time Kanej.

Like everyone else I have been obsessing over that one teaser photo ever since it dropped. WHAT ARE THEY DOING?! I originally thought it was a flashback of Kaz giving Inej her first knife but then I saw a post pointing out that the painting behind them is the one from episode one that Kaz supposedly stole recently, so then what is it? She did loose a knife when she killed the Ravkan soldier to save Kaz, so maybe he's giving her a new one? But also when zooming in and turning up the brightness I can't see anything in his hands, maybe he's just taking off his gloves? I've given up but Amita saying it was her favourite scene to film has made me very excited to see what that scene will be!

Freddy and Amita pulled off the Kanej relationship so well, I started the series having not read the books and even though they had no love confessions or anything, the looks they gave each other were enough for me to start obsessing over them and was one of the big reasons for why I started reading the books with Six of Crows instead of Shadow and Bone. I just HAD TO KNOW if they were going to end up together or not. I feel like the development of their relationship in season 2 could go one of two ways, either it starts to accelerate into the kind of developments we see in the Six of Crows books OR it starts to goes backwards. What I mean by this is that one criticism I saw a lot of fans have with season 1 was how Kaz was not as scary or intimidating as he was in the books and that he calls Inej by her name and not the Wraith. I've never had much of a problem with this, maybe because Freddy's Kaz was my introduction to the character, but even so, from the standpoint that Shdow and Bone is a prequel to Six of Crows I think it makes sense, at least with his relationship with Inej. Season 1 was Inej's origins as the Wraith, she hasn't made her first kill when we first meet her and so there is no reason for Kaz to call her that. At the end of the season, a Ravkan soldier calls her "Wraith" which makes me think that this is the start of that legend and identity being associated with her. At the end of season 1 Kaz says "We need you...I need you" which you could be parallel to "Stay in Ketterdam...stay with me" at the end of book 1 of Six of Crows. Now, this sets up for two possible outcomes, either Kaz is going to start opening up more in the next season OR he could start getting all angsty and pushing her away coz he feels like being in love with her is a weakness and THAT'S when we start seeing him call her the Wraith. This will absolutely kill me, but it makes the most sense if they want to save the Kaz and Inej romance stuff for later seasons and will also help with wanting to make Kaz more like book Kaz. From the teaser trailer, it already looks like they are going to make him darker so I think this is a very real possibility for Kanej next season.

And now finally, how the hell is this all going to intertwine with the Shadow and Bone storyline? Really...I have no idea. As said above Matthias can't be in Hellgate for the entire season because they need to justify his character being in the series. My best guess is they are going to need him for something else, not the Ice Court and I feel like they may try and merge this with Shadow and Bone in some way. In the final episode, Inej tells Alina that "My hand is yours" I wouldn't be surprised if Inej's faith and Nina's duty to Ravka get them involved in the Shadow and Bone crews storyline in some way. The Fjerdans aren't mentioned a huge amount in the Shadow and Bone books (that I can remember?) but as they have been established in the series because of the crows, I wouldn't be surprised if the writers make them more involved in some way and by doing that make Matthius valuable to the plot, but only time will tell...

Overall I am very scared but also very excited. I have faith that it will all work out coz I really feel like Shadow and Bone was made by people who genuinely care about the series and its fans. Season 1 had so many fun little Easter Eggs, and there is so much attention to detail in the sets, costumes, and script that I think we really could be getting something special with this new season, so fingers crossed!

 Let’s talk about representation, but first, navigation. As in, I have only ever navigated and existed in this world as a women of color (WoC), more specifically, as a Latina. And everything within this identity that I have come to view as a blessing was once its own set of wounds, inherited or otherwise. When I say “inherited wounds”, I mean that women of color either know or come to know that this world was not built for us to thrive in (see racism, sexism, and all of it’s intersections) . And this knowledge is passed down or born into us. It is inherited. And then becomes a truth you cannot separate us from. You cannot separate me from my struggle without erasing a vital part of who I am. But that is understood by those I allow into my life. Now, if you do not know me too well, then here are the basics: 

I am a Latina WoC. I am an artist. I have big dreams. Many goals. No blueprint. And very little representation in the fields I wish to break into. All of these smaller truths have molded my bigger, more personal one which is that - 

I have had to carve out and fight for the space I occupy. I have had to dig deep and coach my now booming voice out of its body. I have had to seek out my own mentors, role-models, and inspirations who looked like me and navigated the world in a similar way. And mostly, I have grown up impatient and starving for representation. 

One way I actively heal and seek out representation is by consciously consuming and surrounding myself with art, films, media, literature, podcasts, and all content produced by women, PoC, and mostly Latinxs. This month it has looked like this: 

I’m not sure why Sandra Cisneros didn’t come into my life sooner being that she is one of the most prominent Latinx writers of our time, but I’m glad I was able to sit down with her words. There is an indescribably comforting feeling that comes with knowing that someone who shares the same name as your mother, has a father with a voice like yours, shares part of your history, can love in the same two languages you can, can easily pass for one of your tia’s, and dreams the way you do, has already accomplished so much. And it’s not that you ever need permission to be great, but reading her books felt like a silent permission. 

These books provided a mirror and a temporary home for me. An excerpt from A House of My Own illustrates why perfectly. Cisneros writes, "We find ourselves at home, or homing, in books that allow us to become more ourselves. Home 'is not just the place where you were born,' as the traveler Pico Iyer once noted. 'It's the place where you become yourself.'"

part 2 in this month’s healing looked like this:

Before going to see Pixar’s newest box-office hit “Coco”, I was warned not to wear my signature winged eye-liner to the theater. Two on-screen duets and several wet tissues later, I was glad I had adhered to that advice.

If after my previous spiel about representation and navigating the world as a Latina/WoC you are still wondering what warranted such a teary-eyed response (besides the fact that Pixar endlessly loves to pluck at the heart strings of their audience) I want you to picture this:

A young Latina woman with the goal of one day becoming a successful actress goes to the cinema and for the first time in her twenty-two years of living is watching an animated film in which the characters look like her uncles, and cousins, and aunts. For the first time she can point to the screen and say, “that is me”, “that is us”. And in this way, watching “Coco” felt like coming home; like walking into a room full of the people I love and belong to, but who are rarely ever celebrated - especially in such a public way.

I went to see this movie with my boyfriend and nine-year-old sister. Being able to take her to see this film was another victory in itself (on par with being able to take her to see Wonder Woman). I had to wait twenty-two years to see this kind of representation in film; one that is both authentic and empowering. But my sister is still in the midst of her childhood; still being molded and shaped into the person she will become later in life, and I hope that holding these mirrors up to her this early on in her development will prevent her from inheriting the wounds I have had to fight daily to heal myself from.

1. Everyone says to write about what scares you & I guess that makes sense because that’s when you’re your most honest, but that is also like giving your enemies/opponents/the world a list of all of your weaknesses & the different ways to defeat you. 

2. I mean, I guess if you’re a writer, it is also a strength. People like people they can relate to. We’re all vulnerable, some of us just solidify it in a novel, or send it out into cyberspace for all the world to see. 

3. I never feel like I am doing enough. 

4.  I love poetry & meeting new people at slams, events, competitions, but hate feeling disconnected from them as soon as the poem is over. We can share our deepest secrets with one another for an uninterrupted 3 minutes, but can barely get past 2 minutes of small talk without using the same compliment twice & smiling viciously at each other while scanning for the nearest exit. 

5. Liquor helps. 

6. I just want to connect. 

7. There is so much reading to do. I wish I could just touch a book & absorb all of the knowledge. 

8. There are different kinds of romantic love. Some make you feel safe, loved, & appreciated. Others are so intense that every messy emotion inside of you demands to be felt. These are the most addicting. It doesn’t matter if the love is healthy or not.

9. No one wants a lukewarm kind of love. But no singular person should have that much power over you either. 

10. I wonder which kind of love you think we are. 

11. I’ve been trying to write a poem that captures the feeling you get when you look at a photograph that isn’t yours, but feel like you were there anyway. Like you can transport back to some October in 1997 just by looking at it. Or lean in & feel the cool wind in your hair & hear the rock song that was probably playing. I’ve been trying to write this poem forever. I have written several versions, but nothing comes close to the feeling. It’s the most frustrating thing ever. I would live in that feeling if I could. 

12. That’s why we do drugs, anyway. For the feeling. To experience something outside of ourselves. 

13. If nostalgia was a person, I’d definitely make out with them. 

14.  I know I am talented & dream big & am pursing my goals, but whenever people undoubtedly believe in me I’m like...”LOL OK. You obv don’t know me very well or do not know many people who ACTUALLY work hard & are amazing.” It’s horrible. I’m working on it. 

15. I feel better when people who have accomplished a lot are older than me because it gives me time to catch up. Like, “oh ok cool. This person is 25. I can totally accomplish that by then.” 

16. Nothing is sacred. Meaning the closer you get to your dreams; the closer of a behind-the-scenes look you get, the more the magic fades. People are still people & they are still petty & image is still important & not everyone is your friend. The magic is in the art itself, rarely in the people. 

17. Once in a while though you do meet amazing, genuine souls & that is worth holding onto. 

18. I want to dive headfirst into Latino-American history & then hand out flyers on every street corner & train station with all the contributions we have made to American society that most people don’t know about. Facts like: “Did you know half-a-million Latinos fought in WW2?” OR “Did you know that David Bowie’s song ‘Fame’ was partly composed by the Puerto Rican guitarist Carlos Alomar?” 

19. I used to categorize people by how much emotion & logic I’d think they’d have. I know humans are COMPLEX or whatever, but I still think this is a pretty reliable way to see how compatible you are with others & at least have a grasp on their way of thinking. 

1. fluctuate between confidence and self-consciousness. 

2. be bored of anything as soon as I deem it ordinary. 

3. be running out of time. 

4. hate a poem 10 minutes after I write it. 

5. want to live in my head more often than not. 

6. wonder whose heart aches like mine and want to hold their hand. 

7. not give a shit what anyone thinks. 

8. give a shit what everyone thinks. 

9. be fighting to write Latinos into existence. 

10. be fueled by the undying need to see myself reflected everywhere. 

11. cry myself into a new life.