#beardwin

A few years past, you had started training yourself for what was to come, deciding to join the Corps, behind your families back. You had seen Erwin, at Niles wedding, he had looked to you at one point and smiled, remembering seeing you many times before when you would come drag Nile home from the pub. You admired Erwin, you thought he was strong and wise. When he joined the Survey Corps you admired him even more. You had dreamt of working along side him in the Corps for too long. You knew it was time.

One night at dinner you sat with your parents, with your brother, wife and his two children. “I’m going to sign up… I want to go to the Survey Corps” You blurted out, everyone stared at you. Nile put down his glass and crossed his arms, leaning back. “[Y\N] don’t be stupid” he sighed “You can go to the Military Police and that’s it I won’t let you go and get yourself killed”

“Who said I was going to die?” You muttered “I won’t die” “[Y\N] you shouldn’t go” Marie said, she was calmer than your brother and she gave you a smile. “It will worry your brother too much, and me. Maybe you should come work with me”

“But… I have dreamt of joining the Survey Corps ever since I was small! I have to go, I can’t sit back and watch while other men and women are fighting for our freedom” you whined. Marie looked to her brother and muttered something, holding his hand tightly. Your parent sat there shocked, your mother tearing up, she was worried for you, your dad on the other hand was proud he had such a strong daughter. “You can’t join” Nile whined “No, [Y\N] I won’t allow it” He looked to Marie again “I can’t loose you too”

“What do you even mean!” You snapped “who have you lost!” “My best friend!” “Erwin Smith isn’t dead…” you groaned out, rolling your eyes. “Let’s stop talking about this now” Marie smiled. “It will all be okay” This was the last time you would speak about it with anyone, as the very next day you went off… you had already signed up and tomorrow you started training.

You didn’t lie to yourself, it was tough, you wanted to cry, but this was going to make you stronger. You were going to succeed. You were going to the Survey Corps. You were among others who wished to be stronger, however for the most part, they were all heading to the police, or the garrison. Hardly anyone you had met was dreaming of going to the Survey Corps. But that didn’t bother you. You were proud of yourself.

You had excellent results, hardly ever being under the top 3 recruits. You caught the eye of a lot of the others, you were known to be a fighter. Yet no one knew your surname was Dok. No one would’ve guessed your brother was in the Military Police, apart from Shadis, who used it against you, to toughen you up more.

You were in the top in the recruits, at the graduation, you stood proudly in front of your superiors. Your brother was there, watching you, hoping you would make the ‘right’ decision and join the Military Police alongside him so you would hardly see danger. You would be behind the walls, safe and sound. That wasn’t for you.

You looked at the other 9 standing to your right, they all would sign up for the Military Police, how many men and women did they need to work for them? Wasn’t there enough?

You were going to the Survey Corps. If Nile liked it or not.

And you went.

You were at the Survey Corps headquarters the very next day. You had been part of the 102nd training corps. And you were ready to fight.

You found yourself settling in with the other members of the Corps. Hanji, Petra, Mike… all of them took you in, being the youngest member of the Corps now. They saw you as their little sister almost. You felt welcomed here, they knew who your brother was, but they respected you for being strong, for joining. This was your family now…

However it wasn’t long before Nile would turn up, to get you out of there… He came through the mess hall, looking around for you. You sat there, waiting for him to spot you, he stormed over, he looked angry as all hell. You looked straight in his eyes as he finally reached you.

“[Y/N] you are coming with me right now!” he shouted, everyone looked around at you, you felt your cheeks go red. You were embarrassed, you felt ashamed. “NOW!” You felt your hand being pulled up by your brother and he dragged you along with him, he was heading straight for Erwin’s office.

He barged through the door, Erwin looked up from his paper work and he looked shocked, you stood behind your brother, your head dropped, hair covering your face, you were angry, but you couldn’t express it, not in front of Erwin Smith. “Erwin!” “Nile, I wasn’t expecting you” he sat there, calm. “What’s the problem?” “I can’t allow you to have [Y/N] here any longer, transfer her now” Nile demanded. “Erwin!” “I can’t transfer her, not without her permission” Erwin responded “[Y/N] is that what you want?”

Of course you shook your head, tears forming at your eyes

“I can’t do anything then” Erwin sighed “I’m sorry Nile”

“Erwin. You are my friend, we trained together. Surely you know I can’t let you take my sister outside of these walls for her to be titan food!” His voice was getting louder, angrier. You had never seen Nile like this before. “I won’t allow it!”

“Will you excuse us for a moment [Y/N]? I need to speak with your brother alone” Erwin looked to you and you nodded, turning away and fleeing the scene.

“What happened?” Hanji was standing there, she had obviously come up to see Erwin. Holding a bunch of papers. “[Y/N]?” “I…. I…” You couldn’t speak. Your mouth was quivering under all the pressure “my brother is here…” “Nile? Why?” “He.. he’s trying to get me transferred…” Hanji looked shocked, she sighed, pushing her glasses back into position. “I don’t want to…” “He is being a brother eh!” Hanji laughed slightly “Don’t worry, without your permission he can’t do anything.. You can stay here with us, I will take you under my wing” “Tch..” You heard a voice from the shadows “don’t let him decide your fate for you. Nile is a stubborn cruel bastard” it was Mike, standing waiting around too.

You could hear Nile shouting at Erwin, who was clearly keeping his cool about the whole situation, however you knew that, Nile couldn’t change your fate.

In those moments, Hanji patted you on the shoulder, knowing her ramblings would not be heard by Erwin tonight, followed by Mikr, they left. Leaving you outside Erwin’s office alone. It must of been an hour before the door opened again “[Y/N] get in here” Nile said. You walked in, your head again bowed in shame. You stood in front of Erwin, next to your brother “We have come to an agreement” “You can be part of the Survey corps however, you can not leave on missions”

You looked up, that was the whole point of being part of the Corps, so that you could go on missions outside of the wall… “But…” you tried to start to explain your side, but Nile stopped you, “I’m doing this for you” He snapped “I won’t see you get eaten!” “You wouldn’t see me be eaten… you’re too busy behind the walls”  You muttered, but they heard you. Erwin looked at you, his eyes wanting to show signs of amusement, but he controlled himself. Nile looked shocked. “What!” “You heard me…” You looked up at him, your hair flowing back, revealing your face “You wouldn’t see it happen… because you are too busy behind the goddamn walls!” Erwin stood there shocked, he hadn’t seen you since the wedding, and he noticed how much you had grown, you had become a woman since he last saw you, you were a beauty. He admired you for your courage, but you were doing this out of rage… in your mind you were terrified of what Nile would do next. “You will not leave the headquarters. That is final. Erwin if I hear of her leaving these walls… I swear..” “You have my word” Erwin said. Nile stared at you. You looked up at him “Don’t you dare go against me again [Y/N]” He turned around and left. You stood there for a moment and looked at Erwin, thinking that this would be the last time in a long time that he would come near you.

You turned on your heels and started to power walk towards the door

“[Y/N]….” Erwin said but you didn’t respond, you were too ashamed of yourself.

For the next 8 months you watched the squad come and go, some of them never returning, but you were there, to support them, you sat with them, round the fire talking about dreams and hopes. You knew one day you would join them on a mission, but for now, Mike was giving you masses of work and cleaning. You didn’t mind it, Mike was a leader among the squad, and he did enjoy your company for the most part, mainly because you were a strong character, he also wanted you to go on missions, he wanted to see your skill out on the field.

But you still got to train with everyone. That bit didn’t change. Throughout all of that, you were a brilliant recruit, the others always asked why you never were involved with expeditions…

You were done after the first 8 months. You were sick of this, you were done with the chores, watching people leave and never come back. Erwin hadn’t approached you and you knew why, it was because of your brother, your cruel brother who for some reason thought you were under him in every way and that he could control you… that wasn’t the case. Instead you waited till the last minute to go to Erwin, you stormed towards his office, wearing your full uniform, showing you were ready.

You knocked on his door. “Come in” you heard his voice, it was calm… soothing. You opened the door and quickly closed it. He looked up, his eyebrow raised a little, he wasn’t expecting you to turn up at his office. “What’s the problem?” He asked. He put down the paperwork he was looking at, giving all of his attention to you. “I want to go on the expeditions…” you said, your voice stern and calm. “Please, I can’t just watch you all going into battle and I am here, like a child waiting for you all to return!” You sighed “It kills me, that you all go out, I can’t even try to protect or help anyone back here” “[Y/N]…” Erwin sighed “Nile asked me to..” “I am not Niles toy! I am not him!” You suddenly blurted, Erwin looked shocked, he stood up and moved around to the front of his desk, leaning against it. “I may be his sister but it is not up to him where I go or what I do” “I understand that, but me and your brother are good friends… I have to respect his wishes” “He left you to join the corps alone, what has he ever done for you?”

Erwin looked at you, your words hit him, you were right, what had Nile done for him? Nothing… He had trained with him, drank with him, left him for Marie and the Military police. He hadn’t done anything for him. “I guess you are right” he said “I’m sorry [Y/N] I didn’t want to ever insult you through what your brother has said” You nodded slightly “But you know [Y/N] that you are so young, compared to us old men you are a baby”

“But I can’t just sit here…” You whined a little. “I understand, you can come out for one… if you do well, then maybe I will think about making you a permanent member”  

“thank you … squad leader” you saluted and left, feeling proud of yourself. You could of skipped down the corridors with happiness. You finally made it onto the squad.

But Erwin felt awful about it. Mainly because he just realised he had opened the bird cages door.

You would soon be one of the highest ranking in the corps, in the space of a year, you had 50 kills under your belt, you had helped Hanji with her research, you had worked with mike and his own personal squad. You were one of the top squad members. And Nile didn’t have a clue what was happening. He thought you were still staying behind, cleaning out the horse stables and sorting through paperwork.

After the last expedition, you sat round the fireside, everyone had left, leaving you alone to think about the past year, how much you had achieved, what you had done. Finally seeing the titans and outside the walls. You felt free at last, and you were fighting towards something bigger. You looked up to the stars and stretched. You were happy here, even though death was so close to you every time you rode out through those gates, here you felt at home, you had fulfilled your dream of becoming a member of the Survey Corps.

“You know, sometimes I wonder where you found your courage” You heard a voice, it was him, it was Erwin Smith. “[Y/N] You are… one powerful soldier” “Thanks… I guess” I looked down at the flames dancing their final hour of life “I just wanted to help”

“Help? You are brilliant out there, you have saved so many of our comrades lives just by killing one or two titans” he smiled. You looked at him, acknowledging his compliment. “May I ask, why did you join the Survey Corps… surely none of your family wanted you to” “No.. they didn’t” You laughed slightly, thinking of your brothers face when you told him “Nile hated it, well you knew that anyway squad leader” He nodded, a slight smile reaching his lips. “I wanted to fight, for humanity, for the innocent people in this city, behind our walls..” “I see..” “I wanted to fight for a future, that is my dream… I don’t ask for much” He looked at you, his eyes shining from the fire light “You know, I watched the survey corps, ever since I was a little girl, I admired their bravery, their wing of freedom… everything about them.. I knew I had to join them when I was old enough. Even if it kills me, I want to live for myself now.” You sighed, looking into the fire “Yes, this will probably kill me one day, one day I will find myself in the hands of a titan and I will be done, but until then I will fight, for those children who need a chance in this world” Erwin smiled, he saw a lot of himself in you, the same ideas, the same dreams. Everything

“You know” he said “I said the same thing, when I joined” he smiled “I am sure Nile would be proud of you, if he knew” “For now, it’s best he doesn’t. He wanted me to live a life like him, in the Military Police, get married and live my life till I am old” “Would you?” “No… not until I felt like this world was free..” “Hmm” “He found Marie, he found something he wanted to fight for..” “Marie..” Erwin looked into the flames “Sorry…” you said, remembering that Erwin was too, in love with your sister-in-law. “I didn’t mean to..” “You know, I chose titans over her, I was a fool but I had that dream too, I wanted to fight, I wanted to know more about the titans and where they came from, if what my father said was right, plus… now I think back. I made the right choice” he said sighing “Imagine if I had died, I would’ve left her with nothing, I couldn’t put anyone through that pain, I don’t know when I will die, none of us do, but that’s why… I couldn’t” “But sometimes” You looked to the stars “If you have someone in your heart, in your mind, you will fight harder for that someone, because you know they will be waiting for you to come home… it gives us hope, that one day we could live a peaceful free life with that person” You tilted your head a little, looking to him. “A dream…” “I guess so… I haven’t had a feeling like that in a long time, not since Marie… but lately I have found myself, wanting to fight harder” “Hm?” You looked to him “I have someone I need to protect, someone I can return home to, who is by my side, through battle” He looked at you “Erwin…” “[Y/N]…” he cupped your face, scooting closer to you. He pressed his lips ever so gently against yours. His hands holding your face so gently as if you were a piece of diamond. He had been wanting to kiss you, hold you ever since you had stood up for yourself, your courage, beauty and strength was beautiful to you, and he loved it.

He stood up and offered you his hand, taking it you were pulled up from the log you had been sitting on with him. “Come with me” he whispered in your ear, you nodded, without even questioning where he wanted to take you. You were in love with Erwin Smith, you always had been. Sometimes you believed you were only here to protect him from danger. He led you to his room, sneaking through the barrack corridors, not to wake Mike, Hanji and Eld whose rooms were on the same corridor. He closed the door behind you both, pressing you up against it, his hands engulfing you, bringing you in close, kissing you.

At that moment your heart went into overdrive. You felt it burning in your chest and you were excited. He pulled you in kissing you, his tongue invading your mouth, dominating the kissing pace. He wanted you, it could of been for a long time too, he seemed desperate for you at this moment. His hands couldn’t find a place to stay as they frantically searched for a home. You pulled off your jacket, followed by his… clothes hit the floor. You admired Erwin, he was beautiful. His scars, his face, his body. Everything about him was what you imagined. He pulled you close to him and just embraced you as the two of you fell to the bed. You were on top of him, he tucked your hair behind your ears, pulling you in for a kiss. For the first time in a long time you felt like the world was finally home, as you laid there, on top of Erwin Smith the squad leader of the Survey Corps. You felt a sense of belonging. You had found a home here in the squad, you were helping the cause for humanity… and now in the arms of a man you had admired for years. You traced down his abs, to his throbbing member, you took it in your hand, licking the tip, he laid there, watching you, his eyes not losing contact with you. You took his whole member in your mouth, hitting the back of your throat. But you didn’t care, you wanted to satisfy him, you wanted to make him happy. Make him feel like he belonged somewhere too… Because you were both lost souls.         And you had found each other in this hopeless world. He moaned a little, bringing your mind back into the room, you were bobbing on his large member and he was losing control slightly as you held onto his thighs, he wanted to thrust more into your mouth, he wanted to dominate everything about you tonight. He needed a release, he needed to rid himself of this sexual tension, because he wasn’t going to admit it, he wanted to fuck you for a long time. In fact it was one of the reasons he kept you behind on the expeditions. You pulled up from his member and looked at his shining eyes. He was looking at you in such a loving way in which you had never seen before. After all of the expeditions, the one person who worried you was always Erwin, always… You dreaded losing him. You hated that. It was a nightmare… not without telling him how much you loved him. He turned the positions round, you were laying on your back with Erwin between your legs, his tongue flicked at your clit and it sent a shockwave through your body. Your body was sensitive, every touch made you react, and he was playing with that, tracing the lines of your abs, where it was a little ticklish. As his other hand was pressing down at your clit now, sending the nerves into shock. His fingers then rubbed between your folds to the entrance of your core, you felt his fingers getting closer and closer and your breathing got heavier. He was teasing you, keeping you submissive to him, making him dominant in this scenario.

“S… squad leader please” you begged, before you felt two of his fingers slide into your wetness. He started to finger fuck you gently, before he started to pound his fingers in and out of you. You started to moan more and more, begging for a release from this. But he wasn’t going to let you have it too easily. He grabbed one of your breasts and pawed at it, while his other hand was busy fucking you, you looked down to see his throbbing member. Licking your lips at the idea of what was soon to come. He pulled out his fingers and kneeled in between your legs, he dragged you closer, using your waist, until your legs were wrapped around him and his member was pressed up against you. He rubbed his tip between your folds, teasing you. You let out a moan of need for him to fill you. But he wasn’t letting you… he wanted you to beg. You looked up at him, your eyes shining in the candlelight, he continued to rub his tip between your folds, now and then letting the tip inside of you, before pulling it back out. “Squa…squad leader please I can’t….” you whined “Please…..fuc…” before you could finish whining and begging for him, his member slammed into you at such a force you felt like you were going to be torn apart. He held onto your hips and thrusted rapidly into you, making your whole body jiggle with the motions. You let out a loud moan which brought music to his ears. He flipped you over onto your stomach “Get on your hands and knees soldier” he commanded and you did as he asked. You could see why he was so dominant now at work, he was the same in the bedroom but you loved it. You loved how he wanted to be forceful because that was the man you loved… admired and fought for.

He slapped your butt, before pushing himself in again, starting to fuck you from behind, one hand on your waist, the other went round to your clit, rubbing against it frantically, making it numb to the touch, making your stance weak as it made your body tingle so much you could of collapsed in the spot, you were coming close to your climax, but it seemed Erwin wasn’t ready for that just yet. He slapped your butt, pulled your hair and pawed at your breasts, all while fucking you at a powerful and fast pace. You felt skin against skin and the only noises that could be heard was the sound of skin hitting skin and the loud breathing and moaning from the two of you. Erwins moans brought music to your ears. You loved hearing him like this and you needed more from him. You however wanted a little more fun, you pushed forward, his member sliding out of you, turning round he looked shocked, you had broken his command and he looked mad. You pushed him down onto his back and straddled him. You wanted him to go deeper inside of you, you wanted him completely, you wanted him to cum inside of you and fill you with everything he had and you were not going to stop until you had what you wanted. You reached down and glided his throbbing wet beast back inside of you. And you were going to fuck him slowly. Passionalty Because why should Erwin do all the hard work… when he was the driving force for so many of us?

He laid back and watched, amazed by your work, you rocked your body on him, letting his member do its magic inside of you, moving gently up and down on him, he held onto your breasts, pawing them, reaching up sometimes to suck on your nipples with his mouth, licking around the bud and flicking them. He let out a load moan as you started to speed up a little, as your body till was tingling and numb. But he started to buck his hips, driving his member deep inside of you. You couldn’t move much anymore, your body was so tense from your increased orgasm you could’ve collapsed right there. He could feel you were coming close, so he again took control. He pinned you down and teased you, riding out your orgasm, making it last even longer which drove your body crazy, it was already so tense you didn’t know how long you could last… or if you could even stand up anymore after this. His member pressed against your folds rubbing against you, you let out a loud moan as he pushed himself in, his thrusts getting faster and faster as you arched your back in complete pleasure. “Erwin I…. I” you couldn’t even speak anymore but you suddenly felt him tense up, you looked at him, he was about to cum too. You pulled his head down and kissed him as he released his hot juice into you, riding out his orgasm, he didn’t want it to stop, he wanted you to feel all of him inside of you, he wanted more. He rested on his forearms, on top of you, slowly thrusting back and forth, slowing into a grind, his member still releasing his juice into you as you laid there, your core tensing around his wet member. You looked into his eyes and smiled, he kissed you so passionately you thought it was it, this was where you belonged. You laid there, wrapped in his arms, your head pressed up against his chest. Listening to his heart beat. You were both alive in the moment, finding each other in such a dark dark world.

Months past, more recruits came through. Out of the 103rd training squad, only 5 remained alive through the following year. You and Erwin watched as your friends rode to their deaths on expeditions, secretly watching out for each other out on the fields, keeping each other alive. You were still assigned to Levi’s squad however, so you were still distant from him. But every night you returned to him, to his chambers. To his loving arms where you felt so safe with him. He loved you with all of his heart.

But it was time to tell Nile. He couldn’t be left in the dark forever, him and Erwin were friends after all. Erwin invited him for dinner at the headquarters. You sat next to Erwin, his hand gently placed on your thigh. Nile sitting opposite the two of you.

“So what’s the occasion?” Nile asked looking at the two of you

“I wanted to tell you something” said Erwin, tightening his grip on your thigh “I, am in love with [Y/N]” “What?” He nearly choked on his drink “Erwin what?!” He looked at the two of us “You can’t be serious” “It started last year after the last expedition we went on…” “We went on?!” He looked at me in the eyes “you went outside the walls?!” “I…” You couldn’t say anything, your hand slipped down and held onto his. “I love him Nile” “No, you can’t love him, he is a walking death trap!” Nile snapped “are you a fool [Y/N]?”

“Don’t call her that” Erwin said “we fight for each other” “I can’t believe you let her outside of the walls! You selfish fucking prick!” Nile snapped, you looked to Erwin, who remained calm throughout. “You broke your word Erwin!” “I thought about all the times you broke your word with me…” Erwin sighed “I know you want to protect her, but I want to protect her too, and I can since I am here with her on the front lines” “You can’t protect her!” he shouted “You bastard.. If you dare lay a finger on her…”

You giggled a little, thinking about what you had done in the morning, his large body towering over you, making love to you. “What!” Nile looked to you “What are you laughing at!” “It’s…. A little late for that” I muttered.

But before you knew it Nile’s hard fist was against Erwin’s face, Erwin didn’t fight back, he took it, he let go off my hand, making sure I wouldn’t of been hurt. Nile made his way round the table and grabbed Erwin by the collar. “STOP!” You shouted “PLEASE NILE!” You cried out, trying to grab your brother “Get off [Y/N]!” He held Erwin up “how dare you!” He screamed in Erwin’s face, but Erwin just looked at you, his eyes watering slightly but he wasn’t standing down, but wasn’t fighting back either. You just cried, hitting your brother in the back “You first let her outside the wall and now you are fucking her!” “Stop it Nile! Please!” you cried, Nile let go off Erwin and grabbed you “Please no… it hurts” he had you by the wrists, he pulled you towards the door and pushed you out, you fell to the floor and he slammed the door shut, locking it behind him.

You banged on the door screaming, no one could hear you though, You could hear Erwin’s grunts as he was punched and kicked on the floor. You kept banging until your hands were raw, bleeding and in pain, but it didn’t matter, you kept banging, you got up and started to kick at the door. Putting in all of your strength into getting into that room.

But before you could Nile opened the door. “You won’t leave this city again, nor will you be with him” You looked at him, then looked past, to see Erwin on the floor. Blood trickling from his mouth “What did you do…?” You asked Nile, but as you looked at him, he was gone. He had walked away, that cruel bastard of a brother.

You ran to Erwin, who laid there, you kneeled by him. He looked to you, as you cupped his bloody face “I’m sorry…” You muttered “I tried” You started to try and clean his face, but he grabbed your hand, holding it by the wrist. “Don’t…” He said. “Go…” he said, closing his eyes, “Erwin.. I can’t jus..” “GO! Get out!” he shouted with the remaining energy he had. You looked at him as he let go of your wrist, letting his hand drop down onto the floor again. You stood up, tears in your eyes. You ran out, covering your face.

Erwin laid there, tears flowing from his eyes. What had he done…

You laid in bed for the next few days, not wanting to see anyone or the light of day, you just laid there, dreaming of the times he would be there, cuddling you into the late hours of the afternoon. But he wasn’t there anymore, in fact he was avoiding you… but why?

We were like the trees, even if you break their branches, they grow back, their leaves fall from their homes but they grow back, a tree grows old but is still beautiful, it comes against the rain and hardest of winds… but stands strong, to show its beauty to the world.

But you had to appear soon enough, there was an expedition happening soon, you were expected to join, as Levi needed you by his side on the mission ahead. You didn’t want to leave the room though. You sat there for a moment thinking about everything. You wanted… no you needed to speak to Erwin.

You got up, and dressed for the first time in days. Your hair was greasy, but you didn’t care. You had eye bags were heavy under your eyes. But you didn’t care about it. You didn’t care how you looked, or how you felt, you cared about him, you lived on for him, without Erwin what was your purpose anymore?

You walked, with your cloak hood up, covering your face from anyone who passed you, you had one place you were headed to, and you were not going to top for anyone. You saw Levi, who tried to stop you, but you walked straight past him, Hanji letting out a little laugh as she realised Levi was being undermined by you. You continued to walk towards his room. But when you got there, your heart stopped. You didn’t know what to say.

You felt your body ache, your heart was throbbing in pain, you didn’t know how to deal with this mess, and as per usual it was all done by your brother who was ‘in his best interest’ protecting you.

In reality, he was making your life a miserable mess of events.

If anyone could of protected you it would of been Erwin, but that wasn’t what Nile thought, Erwin was only a squad leader, no one THAT important in his eyes.

You stood there, looking at the wooden floor outside his door, tears welling up in your eyes, your body tense. You just wanted it to be like it use to be and nothing else but that wasn’t going to happen without you knocking.

   But then the door opened.

“[Y/N]…” “Erwin…” You said, looking up into his beautiful eyes “I…” “What do you want?” he said, his voice cold “I… I wanted to talk?” “There’s nothing for me to say to you..” He responded “You should be training, we leave tomorrow” “Erwin…” You stood there, in shock, why was he being like this with you “please…” “You should be reporting to Levi, not me” “Erwin…” all you could say was his name, as your hands reached out for him, he shoved you away,

“Go. I’m busy” He closed the door again, you fell to your knees in tears “I love you” you muttered, placing your hand against the door “I love you so much…”

You didn’t know, that behind the door, Erwin was doing the same, his heart was aching, he longed to hold you, he hated seeing you like this, in this state of being. He hated lying to you but if he didn’t, Nile was going to get him in huge shit with the higher ups, for breaking laws, which he didn’t even know he had broken. He couldn’t do that, he couldn’t lose sight of his dream not when he was so close to becoming commander of the Survey Corps, he was sure of it. Even Mike had hinted at it.

But Erwin longed for you, he missed you… he wanted you in his arms.

“Get up” You heard Levi “[Y/N] get up”

“Levi….” You looked to him, your eyes red from crying… how long had you been sitting there for? You didn’t even know, but your knees were numb, your eyes stung from crying. “Get up [Y/N] don’t be like this” “I’m sorry squad leader…” You mumbled. “I am really sorry” “Lets go…” He guided you out.

Erwin appeared again from his room, where he saw a wet patch outside his door… where your tears had hit the floor. It broke his heart just a little bit more. He stood by the window, watching you, your body was weak, he noticed how little effort you were putting into training, but maybe it was because you were tired. It didn’t take long before training was over, Erwin left the barracks to find you lying asleep outside, at the log you first kissed. He stood over you, watching you sleep peacefully, Levi had worn you out, to the point where you fell asleep before dinner.

He picked you up gently, like you were his bride, carrying you to your bedroom. He tucked you in, placing a kiss on your cold dry lips

“I’m sorry” he whispered, before he turned and began to walk out of your dark room, his hand was on the door handle, before he sighed, he hated doing this more than anything in the world, he hated being the person who broke your heart, made you lose hope, it was true what you had said, if you had someone to fight for, it made you stronger.

“Erwin…” You muttered, your eye squinting, as they opened “Erwin… is that you?” “Go to sleep, it’s late” Looking out the window, the sun was setting, signalling to you that in fact it couldn’t of been too late in the evening “We have a long day tomorrow..” “Erwin… please” “[Y/N] what do you want?” he grumbled, looking back at you “What?!” He looked at you, as you sat up, your legs moving over to be on the ground. Your hands on your lap, twiddling your thumbs nervously “I just wanted to talk… that's all” you pleaded “Why won’t you talk to me?” “Because…” he paused, thinking about what Nile had said to him “I have no choice” “Don’t you? Because the Erwin Smith I knew always went by his own rules. Not somebody else’s” “It’s different this time” “Because of Nile…” You stood up, taking a step forward “right?” “Yeah… Nile” “Why do you always believe him and listen to him? What did he ever do for you Erwin? Please, because I am wondering right now if I am in love with a puppet?” “A puppet? I’m not a puppet!” He snapped back, closing the door, the two of you now in your bedroom staring at each other “I would never be a puppet to Nile!” “So why did you listen to what he said?” “Because….he” “Threatened you?” You questioned, Erwin simply nodded in agreement, you sighed, looking to the ground for a moment, staring at the wooden planks.

“You believed him didn’t you? You believed that Nile would do something so horrible that you would have to hang your head in shame, that he would ruin your career here. I understand now, I always knew, that really this job, this work was more important than anyone in your life, but I didn’t care, I really didn’t because that was the man who I fell in love with. But you are scared of my brother, his so called power within the Military Police, I get it. But why would you then punish me for that? You didn’t say a word to me in weeks, just left me to rot away, imagine if I died tomorrow, what would you of done? Shrugged your shoulders and got on with your life?”

You looked to him, searching for any sort of emotion on his face, but he was staring blankly at you. “Would you of even cried?” You muttered, clenching your fists, to stop yourself from crying your heart out in front of him, because right now you felt your heart beginning to tear open, your body felt like it was being crushed by the weight of the world.

“I wouldn’t let you die..” Erwin snapped back “You think I would ever let you die?!” “I…” You paused, thinking back to the dream you had before Erwin had woken you up.. To you sacrificing yourself for his survival. “Hmm..”

“[Y/N] You mean the world to me..” He started to walk slowly towards you “Do you know how hard it has been for me…” He reached his arms out towards you “To avoid you… not to even acknowledge you.. Because the thought of it being all over was too much….” His voice was weak, his hands reached your arms, and held onto them tightly “Because I couldn’t keep going on like this.. Not anymore” “Erwin..” You looked up at him, into his beautiful blue eyes “stop playing with my heart” A tear trickling down your cheek “It hurts too much” “We can be happy again.. I promise” “Can we? Or the next time Nile comes to see you, will you avoid me over and over again?” “Fuck Nile..” He muttered “He wants to make my life difficult.. And lonely” “Then hold my hand instead of standing alone Erwin, you foolish man” Tears kept falling from your eyes “Because I can’t live, I can’t keep living if you are not here… by my side”

Erwin pulled you close to him, wrapping his arms around you

“You are my home” he cried out before kissing your forehead gently “I’m so sorry…”

“I will be by your side, even if it means… I take my last breath”

It would be years later, before your words that night would become reality, “Die for us..” Levi’s words rang through your ears, you turned to Erwin and nodded, holding his hand, as he was slumped on a crate. Erwin looked at Levi and nodded, before turning to you

“Go.. go find Hanji and get out of here” “No” You firmly stated “I will stay by your side” Erwin looked into your eyes, feeling himself tear up a little, thinking that, after all those years, you were willing to give up your life, because you couldn’t of continued without him. “[Y/N] You are foolish” Levi sighed “But, your sacrifice will be remembered” “Kill him” you mumbled “Levi, you have to kill him… find Hanji, make sure you stay alive, the recruits in the future will need you” Levi nodded before he walked away. Erwin stood up, looking at you, his heart breaking apart in front of you. He pulled you close to him, the other recruits looking onwards to the two of you.

“I don’t want you to die..” He mumbled, just so you could hear him “Live on… for us” “Erwin Smith, how many times have we rode into this hell together?” “I lost count..” He laughed slightly

“And how many times did I tell you, where you go… I go” “Everyday..” he smiled “I love you…” “I love you too commander” he kissed you gently “my only regret, is that I didn’t marry you” he sighed “That we didn’t see the end of this terrible war, I am sorry my darling” “We will be able to grow old together” You smiled back “Just you wait and see” 

As the two of you stood looking towards the beast titan, hundreds of new recruits behind you, all ready to become a decoy for Levi to defeat the titan. You looked to Erwin, a now war torn man, after losing his arm, he wasn’t the same but you had stuck by him no matter what, you had been there to hold his hand throughout all of the pain and agony he had felt in that time. He loved you too much for him to give up. He was fighting for you, and you fought for him.

But now the two of you knew, that this final moment, would be the last you would have together. You closed your eyes, remembering the first time you saw Erwin, drinking with Nile when they were just young men in the training scouts. You remember his beautiful blue eyes pierce your heart from that first moment.

You remembered the first time you kissed, by the fireside…

   You remembered the first time you made love to each other…     

     You remembered the fights… the tears… the pain…. The death    

  But throughout all of that, you remembered that you loved Erwin Smith, 

“CHARGE!” Screamed Erwin and you all charged forward, towards the beast titan, holding flare guns ready to fire, they would be used to start creating fog and time for Levi to attack. Erwin looked at you, as you started to ride out, in front of everyone else “I’ll see you at home my love” he smiled and held up his blade, riding faster towards certain death.

“I’ll see you soon” You smiled. You looked only at him, he looked back at you, your eyes fixed on each other, knowing that if you were both about to die, at least the last thing you would see, is each other. You felt the rocks come crashing down, as Erwin was hit, falling to the ground, it would only be seconds before you too were hit, flying backwards off your horse, you flew through the air like a bird in flight. Crashing down, your eyes looked around quickly, among the dead and torn blood stained limbs of the fields.

Then you saw him, lying there. Motionless.

You smiled, and looked up to the sky. Closing your eyes. Knowing soon, you would both be at peace.

You found yourself in darkness for a moment, looking around, lights rising up into the nothingness above you. You were dead, and you knew that now, but Erwin wasn’t there, had he survived? You started to walk, hoping to find something, or someone, you felt the sense of fear flow through you that you would be alone in this darkness forever, was this hell?

There was a glimpse of light in the corner of your eye, you turned and ran towards it. You ran with all of your strength. Tears flooding your eyes. As you got closer, you saw grass, mountains… nature. The sky was blue and the sun shining.

You reached the lake, looking around at the beauty, you had made it, your life may of been over but the beauty which had been waiting for you was, so peaceful. A smile touched your lips, as i the distance, you saw the familiar faces of Mike and Nanaba, waving.. They had been here, happy all of this time.

You heard footsteps behind you, as you turned, you saw him, he was standing there, his arms open, there were no scars, he didn’t look tired out and weak… You ran into his arms and held him close.

The devil had been given peace, he wouldn’t be sent to hell to pay for the deaths of hundreds of men and women. Instead, he was given you.