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"Look, I'm going to level with you. I only came along on this adventure to get a good story I could tell, and every story needs a hero. So what I need is for you to get your fucking ACT together so I can write a heroic ballad and not another comedic tragedy, okay?"
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Geralt: What's that?
Jaskier: A... Book?
Geralt: Never would've expected that
Jaskier: I know you think me an idiot, but that's a little offensive
Geralt: That's not-
Geralt, sighing: Just thought you wouldn't have the attention for it
Jaskier: Wild, I'm pretty sure I'm still offended
Geralt: You know what, I'll just shut up
Jaskier: To think, the one time I don't have to pull words out of you like exorcising a demon, and you insult me
Geralt: I said I'm sorry
Jaskier: No you didn't?
Geralt: ... I thought it
Jaskier: In this case, the thought does not count
Geralt:
Jaskier:
Geralt: ... I'm sorry
Jaskier: Thank you
Jaskier: ... In other news, this isn't actually a book, it's just a clever place to hide my favorite flask of wine
Geralt: You fucking piece of shi-
Geralt: You write a lot of songs
Jaskier: Why indeed, as a bard and artist, that is what I do
Geralt: Hmm
Geralt: "Her Sweet Kiss" is about all your countless break-ups and my old on-and-off with Yennefer, isn't it?
Jaskier: Also so very astute
Geralt: So if you write about what you care about...
Geralt: And most of your songs are about me...
Geralt: You have feelings for me
Jaskier: Took you over a decade to put that one together?
Jaskier: Your intelligence never ceases to amaze
Jaskier, playing his lute for Geralt: I'm not going to write you a love song because you asked for it, or because you need one, you see
Geralt: Good, I don't want one
Jaskier: I’m not going to write you a love song, because you tell me it’s make or breaking this if you’re on your way
Geralt, grabbing his travel bag and shaking his head: Great, can I go now...?
Jaskier, still going: I’m not gonna write you to stay, but I’m watching you leaving, so that tight ass is my reason, to write you, a love song, today
Geralt:
Jaskier, beaming:
Geralt:... Why are you like this
Lambert: So hear me out, come to my bedroom and pretend to have sex with me
Geralt: No
Lambert: I said *pretend*
Geralt: Still no
Lambert: C'mon, that'll really rile up Jaskier
Geralt: I am not helping either of you in your stupid prank war
Lambert: But Jaskier had Yennefer help him put vocal enchantments on Roach to pretend she can speak so they can see how you react
Geralt: ...I'm in
Geralt: Not for the sex prank, but for something that isn't completely fucking stupid
Lambert: I'm offended, but I'll take it
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Jaskier, singing: There once was a raven-haired sorceress of yore
Jaskier: Her enchantments robust, she seemed but of lore
Jaskier: If only the whole Continent knew she was such a fucking whor-
Yennefer: Finish that word and you're dead, bard
Jaskier: -ible, self-centered, book-sniffing bore
Yennefer: Are you done?
Jaskier: Yes
Yennefer, opening a teleportation ring under his feet: I hope your childish petulance was worth it
Jaskier: Absolutely
A work in progress keyboard cover of "Toss a Coin To Your Witcher"
It's messy, I'm messy, but hey I'm learning
