#baptist

on ao3

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your father built the town’s church with his own hands, laid the foundation when your mom was pregnant with you. you were raised to wear white on easter, to memorize psalms before you even learned to ride a bike. but god never felt like love, he hung like a weight on your shoulders.

everyone watched you grow up—the preacher’s daughter, the town’s sweetest girl, god’s little lamb—like you were a glass doll kept on the altar. your sunday school teacher, the grocery store clerks, your youth leaders. and joel miller.

joel was one of the few to never get too close, never try to grace you with sweet words and touch because of your father. he kept his distance, nodded politely, and you were always too young. he looked at you without reaching. you remember him fixing the gutters at the church, help your dad lead prayer circles. mr. miller’s voice was tired, but always kind. a good man. a man of the church.

everyone adored you, but you had your own secrets—as did everyone in town. skipping town at 18, leaving the church, you learned to cry without praying first. sleep too much. kissed strangers who didn’t care about your last name.

returning to town a few years later, the house is emptier than you ever remembered. crosses hung above the beds, a thick layer of dust somehow covering every inviolable room. your father is quieter. has too much shame.

and there’s joel. but now, he keeps looking at you like he sees everything you’re trying to hide. there’s something else in his eyes than the rest of the men your dad surrounded himself with after church.

and you? you’re tired of being holy.

- warnings: tons and tons of religious trauma, guilt, blasphemous themes, biggggg age gap (early 20s reader, joel is 56), toxic family, power imbalances, grief, death in family, shame-based sexuality, psychosexuality, smoking, alcohol, southern gothic and small town setting, gaslighting, purity culture and repression, sexual trauma, forbidden romance, slow burn, dark romance, gaslighting, cursing, intimacy in religious setting, no outbreak!!!!, obsession, just so much religious guilt and discovery please don’t read if you’re not comfortable with that! and obviously tons of smut—but i’ll go more into detail with that bit when i post more chapters.

very roughly inspired by preacher’s daughter by ethel cain—just the same vibe! southern gothic, the baptist church, laying by the creek, sunday dresses and crosses above the bed. with joel. it’s perfect.

slow burn, religious trauma, so so much guilt, lust, and total ruin.