#bad wizard

Me burned down village!

Paladins round continent not very happy.

Me do not care!

I conjure demon for first time today

But now evil demon is holding me hostage

Evil demon is really scary

Priestess: Prior to the Fire (2009)

Today's introduction almost overwhelmed the review itself, so bear with me ...

Wolfmother's unexpected and quite inexplicable success in the mid '00s caused numerous labels to rush out and sign their own hipster-endorsed hard rock bands -- e.g. The Sword, Witch, Burning Brides, Graveyard, and today's subject Priestess.

Mind you, most of these bands had no idea why Pitchfork Media and other webzines had decided to anoint or reject them for the "hipster metal" or the equally vague "millennial retro rock" tag, but, as usual, there was little they could do about it other shrug and play along.

Hailing from Montreal, Canada, Priestess was formed in 2002 by singer/guitarist Mikey Heppner after the demise of his punk rock band, The Dropouts, and also featured guitarist Dan Watchorn, bassist Mike Dyball, and drummer Vince Nudo.

Their first album, 2005's Hello Master, was initially released through Canadian independent Indica Records before major RCA swooped in and offered a worldwide deal, then reissued the LP with new artwork (reminiscent of Rainbow Rising!) the following June.

Abundant touring opportunities in the U.S. and U.K. followed, and Priestess gained valuable exposure opening for everyone from Mastodon, to Megadeth, to GWAR, to Black Label Society, to Dinosaur Jr., to Nashville Pussy, to Motörhead.

I myself saw the band live at least three times between '05 and '06, in Brooklyn, New York (at CMJ), and Austin (SXSW), playing with Witch, Early Man, and The Hellacopters, and, while they weren't as entertaining as Danko Jones or The Darkness, Priestess usually held their own.

However, aside from placing the song "Lay Down" on the popular Guitar Hero III video game, RCA didn't know what to do with the group, and their second album, Prior to the Fire, would spend the next few years in A&R Purgatory (*) before both sides agreed to part ways.

When it finally arrived, almost four years after the band's debut, Prior to the Fire delivered much the same caliber of modern hard rock and metal as its predecessor with a sound that fell right in between The Sword's intricate riffing and Wolfmother's catchier revival act.

Heppner's gritty higher registers suited infectious standouts like "Lady Killer," "The Firebird," and "Sideways Attack," while his and Watchorn's inventive riff constructions enhanced extended numbers like "The Gem," "It Baffles the Mind," and "We Ride Tonight."

Yes, Priestess totally missed the mark on the acoustic intro to "Communicating Via-Eyes," which sounds like bad Jethro Tull (if you're gonna go there, at least bring a flute, boys!), and Nudo's lead vocal turn on "Lunar" was underwhelming, at best.

But it's still impossible to excuse RCA's unrealistic expectations based on these results and their reasons for signing Priestess in the first place -- and I say this as an RCA employee who would have worked the band in '07 and '08, had they not been dropped.

Alas, like countless bands that faced this sort of corporate impasse, Priestess were never able to recover, and after struggling to complete a third LP, announced an open-ended hiatus in 2012 from which they have yet to (and from which they will probably never) return.

* Meaning that RCA kept pressuring the band to write more songs in search of a "hit" -- like anyone can pick a hit -- until the label/artist relationship was damaged beyond repair.

TW: alcoholism, threats, danger, sad, violence, death

Gale was different. This was not the magnaminous wizard they travelled with. He didn't seem... sad. Morrena had sent messages to all of them about the state He was in.

But as they were gathered in his receiving room he greeted them as if nothing in the world was wrong. But there was no joy in his interactions. His smiles and laughter coming into conflict with the hardness of his eyes.

After a few hours of drinking with old friends, Astarion finally came around to asking him about Helena. A bit of annoyance lacing his voice.

"You seem awfully fine for a man who lost the love of his life." Astarion's gaze was hard. Unwilling to shy away as Gales face settled into a dangerous expression. Gale quickly schooled his face back into his former composure.

"It would seem you are not here merely to visit then?" He scanned all of them, the energy in the room shifted uncomfortably. "Well, since you are all here perhaps we can discuss some things."

Gale settled into an intricately carved chair next to the fire place. Whiskey in his hand. Astarion noted the amount of times he repoured the liquid in that glass. Clearly his tolerance had grown since there was hardly a slur.

Gale sipped from his glass and a strange smile spread across his face. There seemed to be an unknown force whispering in his ear. "Since you are all here, perhaps.. perhaps you could be of assistance to me." Leaning forward, he propped his free hand on his knee. "It turns out on our little adventure we unwittingly uncovered the key to bringing Helena back."

Alarm bells signaled in Astarion's brain. He had spent enough time around mad men to recognize the tell tale signs in his friend. But part of him was intrigued at the notion of Helena being back in their lives. They had failed in their romance, but she was his very best friend in the entire world.

Gale assessed Astarion, recognizing the spark of interest. "You know as much as I do how special she was. She saved the entire world. Perhaps it is time for the world to repay that debt." He pulled out the tome they found in Ketheric's bed chambers.

Halsin immediately stood up in a surge of rage. "You wouldn't dare attempt such madness. You know this is not what she would have wanted!"

Gale pierced them all with a withering look. "She would have wanted to live." He got up to stand in front of the window. Halsin pursued him, reaching for the book. A wave flashed from Gale, sending Halsin clear across the room. Gale turned around, a dangerous calm settled on him.

"You can stand with me or you can stand against me." Gale snarled as he spat out the next words. "But do not mistake me. I am not asking permission. If you try to stop me I will kill you. And not a single force in the heavens or hells could shield you from my wrath."

Two wizards, both striving for the same end goal. Two wizards, but with very different ways of reaching that goal. Two wizards, looking over the Cavendish Estate as the three key players come into view. One wizard, who has given counsel and words and strength to the two she has chosen. One wizard...who has not...but oh, she will.

Found on AO3, 3179 words

Woops my hand slipped, and Nidarosis (my dh) is giving Khadgar some smooches!!

She really likes Khadgar, he is so precious.

I call it, scream bonk

I scream

Enemy is confused

And bonk with evil wizard stick

With this new spell I have defeated demon (also vampire helped and did most of the work ignore that)

But me real bad evil wizard

Me not even know how to cast fireball to burn down me village

Me only know how to speak to non evil gods

Me can't even ponder orb

Me is a very bad evil wizard