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Pirate Month IV: The Adventures of Alex Ze Pirate Life at Sea: I was Happier When I Didn't Know Who Andrew Dobson Was

Godammit Kev. Just Goddammit.

Welcome back me hearties to pirate month, our celebration of all things piratey! Well celebrating is a strong word for today's subject.

Most of you reading this probably know the author of today's comic Andrew Dobson. Here in these waters there were even whole blogs the biggest of which @hypocrisyofandrewdobson was a big help for the review with his many posts on this series helping explain a lot. My other major source was thegamerfrommars two hour video essay on the man, which made the comic come off even worse in some area's we'll get to. It was one of the few video essay's I could find and the most comprehensive, a lot of it coming from hypocricsyofandrewdobson. So most of you are probably at least aware the man existed and the kind of human trainwreck he is.

I was blisfully unaware when I agreed to this. Yeah despite being online all the time, and especailly in a period where Dobson would've been active I hadn't heard of the guy. I do think I saw him on twitter once in a blue moon, but given once in a blue moon was also how often I was on twitter (and bluesky), I pretty much missed the guy's period of infamy. I had read Brentalfloss the comic but honestly had forgotten that even happened till researching this review. It was a pretty weird idea in the first place as brent was better known for fun with lyrics parodies and tributes to various games, all pretty good stuff and not having lore or even recurring characters. Not saying you need those, but in a 2000's and 2010's filled with youtubers doing that why pick the funny song man.

So for those like me who were blisfully unaware

RUN

If you failed to heed my warning, then that's on you and we can continue. Andrew Dobson was a cartoonist in the 2000's and 2010's. This is a period of webcomic history i'm well aquanited with: I read a LOT of webcomics as a teen and young adult and still have several I love dearly. I wouldn't be doing a massive retrospective on John Allison's print work giant days if I also didn't love the guy's other works. I got back into reading Penny Arcade recently, I adored girls with slingshots, enjoyed Shortpacked, i'm a huge fan of Something Positive and I was a fan of PVP at one point. So i've seen or binge read a lot of the greats of the time.

Dobson wanted to be one. He wanted to go the distance, to get a career in making comics. He wanted to be in the room where it happens. He tried a career in print first that sputtered a bit, before he hit success with Alex Ze Pirate, later following that up with Brentalfloss The Comic and So You're a Cartoonist? a comic that was a mixed of autobiographical pieces and commentary on pop culture.

The problem was that Andrew was incredibly thin skinned. He refused to take any constructive criticism and any different opinion like say, liking Anime while he didn't anymore, was lambasted and strawmanned. He spent most of his time in his later internet years on twitter picking fights, refusing to ever admit he was wrong. There were times he was genuinely picked on like being sprayed with a spray bottle by some dickhead at a convention, but largely he responded to backlash by grabbing a shovel and going deeper, all while never realizing why people were tired of him and that for every troll who just wanted a new LOLCOW to mock endlessly, there were also people who were just sick of his shit.

He wracked up quite a few public embarassments: He had an infamous strip where he white knighted for a power girl cosplayer being harassed that he said was based on real life.... then admitted it wasn't when people tried to find proof it was to mock him further. He accidently insulted Zelda Williams mourning her father. He constantly tried to get women to like him on twitter. Eventually the harassment, dwindling money and everything caused him to leave. He tried coming back this year, but despite apparently being in therapy, good for him I certainly need it, did not consider that this announcement would still get shit after all this time. He may come back some day and if he does, I hope he's in a better place.

Dobson's story is honestly just.. sad to me. He's an asshole, sure. But he's one I easily could've been: I too wanted to be a creative at first to help fill some of the voids inside, I once thought twitter was a place to meet women, I wanted to be loved because I hated myself, I felt lost at college, and in adult life despite working a job I genuinely loved, often feel isolated. I sometimes take crticism personally despite wanting it to grow.

The thing is I have some self awarness: I've realized having a thing you want dosen't fix your life, only you can. That you have to be respectful to women and realize they aren't there to be your love intrest, that criticism can be helpful, and that picking random fights with strangers dosen't make you feel better. i stopped internet comment complaning as much for that reason. I sometimes struggle to not be defensive, but i'm genuinely trying. It wasn't easy to write this paragraph, to be this vunerable.. but sometimes you just gotta be. You have to grow if you want to be at least a little less miserable and andrew just didn't and I wish he did...

Now i've gotten that painful backstory out of the way, we can talk about the comic itself. Adventures of Alex Ze Pirate isn't good

What it is is intresting. Alex is a comic that could work: It's a sitcom in a genre that hasn't done much sitcoming: Our Flags Mean Death, the Pirates! books and film, all fit , but the mix of adventure and a bunch of misfits riffing on each other is rife with potetial. The day to day life of a pirate could be a lot of fun and there are some gags that either work or are okay. While dobson gets shit for his art, it's more just okay and works fine for the story. Not a glowing endorsment but a place to start.

The problem is that the core of it is poisioned: the characters are mostly unlikeable, there's some truly awful ideas that needed to be written out entirely, and a bucketload of unfortunate implications. I can't put this off any longer so let's dive into Alex Ze Pirate

For context i'm reviewing the second trade. THe first is still lost media, but the second is up on internet archive. There's also a pilot comic he did, the first version of these characters that i'll review next year. I can only take so much.

Anyways the first thing I was greeted with was something I dearly miss in comics: the character intro page. I'ts something trade paperbacks used to do: give you a bunch of character profiles so if this wasn't the first volume you picked up you could catch up. I honestly miss them. DC Comics was really good at this in the 2000's

It was geninely intresting and helpful. This character page is helpful... but also a lot. A LOT. To give you an idea here's the first page. Just the very first page I encountered.

Yeah as you can imagine I was afraid for what else would be there. So to unpack this amazon warehouse full of uncomfortable let's start with the gay curse.

You might be wondering how the main character got such a specific stupid curse. I might wonder too as it's never explained and despit having read all three versions of Alex and minoring in dobsonology, the Crimes of Andrew Dobson dosen't either.

Out of universe, it's no less stupid but does at least get explained: Alex early on dressed more masculine and had a buzzcut, hence the gay men hitting on her gag. When he redesigned her for this go round, that gag no longer made sense with her current design. So instead of throw it out he just.. gave her a curse that makes men and women hit on her. He eventually phases out in this very volume, having her use a wish fish to undo it but I get the sense it was less "Shit this might be offensive" and more "Eh it's ran it's course".

The gag obviously raises a lot of questions: why does the curse not work on the main cast? why does it make everyone see her as a manbut only gay men and straight women hit on her? How does it affect bi or pansexuals? Did Dobson know bisexuals existed yet? I didn't think he did at all till I found out he was a korrasami stan at one point but i'm betting he didn't yet.

The gay curse can at least be ignored. What can't.. is Atea. Atea.. is a sexual predator. And the strip's only black character, and a rat person because this concept started as space pirates but Dobson never updated the character design or world to reflect this. The comic dosen't treat her like one but she gropes Alex, comes on to her even when Alex has made it clear she is not interested, and takes advantage of situations where Alex is naked or she can make her wear less clothes. She's essentially the worst traits of every anime stalker pervert character, only even worse as she's never called out. You can probably guess why.

Yeah it's been theorized Andrew is into Yuri, and judging by the way he stages the characters their relationship comes off this way. Atea isn't written as a perverted stalker because she's like say Blitzo from helluva boss where it's not supposed to be a healthy behavior and while played for laughs at times, was never something anyone in universe thought was acceptable and at most tolerated. I'm not saying Helluva dosen't have issues in how it portrays BLitz obession with Moxxie and Millie, it do, but it never fetishises his obession. Atea's treatment of Alex comes offf as a thin excuse for fanservice while continuing the VERY harmful sterotype that queer people are predatory. And yet Andrew props her up showing off cospplay and having well.. this strip.

Lesbian Kick is one of the few catchphrases Dobson managed to get to catch on. Mildly but it apparently did for a while because out of context it's a pretty mid strip about a lesbian kicking a homophobe and winning miss america while some hellbeast thinks it involved jalpenos for some reason. In context it's that but as done by a sex offender. So.. why it even caught on enough he thought he could sell merch I really don't know. Also funny how she's only against injustice when it's not sexual assault or slave labor.

Speaking of which let's talk about Sam. Sam is the cabin boy and called a "lowly slob" despite being both pretty well kept and the only one on the crew I don't hate. His relationship with everyone else can be summed up in one panel

Sam is the team's designated whipping boy: anything humiliating he does and most of the comedy that isn't sexual harassment falls on him. Alex treats him like nothing, eats his food, and generally forgets he exists unless she needs something, Atea just kinda forgets he exists and Talus... I have not explained Talus

Talus is a weird furry carpet you've seen who says random things and serves as the team's wacky guy aka the one you want them to punt into a volcano. He has an obession with nails. There's also peggy the pirate, aka captain peggy, Sam's uncle who has all peg legs.. which both spongebob and family guy already did better. He apparently is another sex offender, but only shows it off in one strip.

Sam is the only member of the team I don't hate and tha'ts mostly because I feel horrible for him. For starter's.. he's a slave. Yeah his backstory, which the comic brings up, is that Alex tried to buy him then kidnapped him to save money. Even when being bought as property he has no dignity. Atea and Mouthface were suprised by this but never bring it up. Their pissed but like.. not enough to actually leave Alex for her bullshit after this or tell sam what happened.

I was relived that Alex didn't seem to have a crush on sam and that Dobson wasn't doing the "she's only mean to him because she likes him" thing... but research proved nope, it's exactly that. So the main love triangle of the trip is an abusive stalker, an abusive slavemaster, and her abused target of affection and abuse.

I get the sense all of this is due to Dobson trying to imitate the anime he grew up with: Atea is trying to be the funny sexually agressive character, Sam the male butt monkey, Alex the tsudere who despite abusing the protaganist loves him and Peggy the master roshi old man sex maniac. The thing is.. none of this was healthy even then, and it's only gotten more and more gross with time. Of all the things to take from anime and manga, all the great art, characters, exaggerated comedy.. why did he choose the worst parts, the kinds of things I assume he railed against later. Who uses a medium as inspiration only to take all the worst parts? It's utterly baffling.

Speaking of which we have our main arc where sam ACTUALLY stand sup to Alex when he finds an amulet in the possesion of a lolcat pirate. While the lolcat part of that is so dated it hurts even for the time it came out, I do like that the crew just casually tie the cat pirates up because.. their cats. Had their been more gags like this, I might not have been as hard on this.

But instead Alex snaps at him and is pissed he you know.. did what she does to him every day and he decides to leave. Not because of the abuse but because he has to say goodbye to his surrogate sister. See the orphanage he was in got destoryed, as our pirate crew finds out when they follow sam and he gives a sad, soapy speech about how he's sad he missed her and never got to tell her where he went, but his being kidnapped was a good thing because he survived and how he has a "new family now"

Yeah he's apparently doing okay, does a celebration for them coming back and is welcomed back.. then promptly given the duty of pretending to be atea so uncle peggy can try to grope him so he'll actually do his chores

The other full stories in the comic are shorter but a bit better as they play more into the comedy aspect. The first is the best part of the comic: Alex raids a villiage, with a little girl figuring out she's conning them... and it turns out it's a con within a con: Alex seemingly gets shot.. but turns out faked it with a tomato having dodged the actual shot while everyone else cleaned everyone out. THe girl actually figured that out... but Alex saves her life when the two scrap. Alex may be a lot of things, but she liked the kids moxie.

And this.. may be what's most infuriating. Theirs parts of Alex Ze Pirate that aren't bad, that show genuine potetial that had Andrew got his head out of his ass and slowly weaned out the bad parts, this could've worked. Instead the reboot that's sadly nowhere online was more focused on assuring us that "Alex is bi! She and sam are in a polyamory! She actually wants atea! This is all healthy!" than making a good story. I dont' mind changing the dynamics to not be a shit show but it's disappointing that he wasted a good idea, instead making pirate revenge of the nerds.

The other story has them find a fish that grants wishes. Atea uses it for sexual harassment

And Alex uses it to end the gay curse. They end up all deciding to save their last wishes on a truce, but then Talus cooks the fish and spends the ending getting chased around.

I wish I had more to say but there just.. isn't much there. What jokes are there just aren't that funny or memorable. I read this yesterday and already I forgot most of it when going to get images for this. It's got a simple good center.. but the rest of it is just boring. I've seen all this before and most of where i'd seen it was either bad or eventually evolved past all this. Dobson as a flawed, sad person who needed help and to get his head out of his ass was more interesting than his work which is just a boring 1999 webcomic somehow made a decade later and with less effort. He apologized for it..but in a vauge way that said nothing and simply said "I tried for representation right? That counts". It CAN, but in this case no. You made your only gay rep a sexual harasser, the only gay content yuri fanservice designed for you and you alone, and didn't actually care to refine the characters, just try and say "See I was woke all along it's the children who are wrong. I'm gaslighting you. Is it working? Will it work if I tell you i'm doing it? Will it?"

It didn't and I can see why Dobson disappeared: he refused to accept he was ever wrong. the only thing he owned up to was doing inflation art. He just could never fully apologize or grow, realize he'd made mistakes and that's why I pity him so much. He was an asshole.. but he had actual potential he just refused to craft into something great and as much as learning about him worried me... i've realized the one thing that thankfully and merficully fully seperates us: I actually WANT to get better. That even without feedback I TRY to make reviews better, try to do better, try to see why it's not working. I try and sometimes that's all you can do and it's something Dobson failed at here.. and I suspect failed at a lot.

Thank you for reading and if you read this please, consider joining my patreon or substack if you have the means. A dollar a month helps and 5 gets you a review of your choice each month.

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