#aws.

you’re beautiful. you have no idea how fucking beautiful you are. it blows me away. when i wake up and you’re beside me, it’s like i’m still dreaming. i can’t believe you’re there and holding me and making me feel like the world. it makes me realize that you deserve so much better than me and how messed up i am.

i’m scared. i’m scared that i’ll never be enough for you. i’m scared that grace messed me up so much that i’ll never be able to really trust or give you everything like i want to. i’m scared that it’ll mess up our friendship and i’ll lose you completely, that the band will fall apart. you’re worth so much more than me and you deserve to have this band go as far as you want it to, truth be told we’d be nothing without you. i’m starting to think that i’d be nothing without you either.

i can say that i’ll try my best and i’ll try to overcome my fears. i’ll try to trust you more and love you more and be kinder, not as bitter. i promise i won’t laugh when you want to do spells, i’ll just support you and help you even, if you want it. i’ll even take more time with my therapist, i’ll get into wanting to have sex again, so i can make you happy in more ways than just holding your hand and kissing you. i really want to kiss you. i’ll be better, i’ll at least try. that’s all i can do and i know it’ll all be worth it to see that beautiful smile, that glint in your eyes.