#avoiding questions

Cody: yes..Obi wan and Vos touched another ancient artifact again and time...travel exist? The force...i don't know man, it's the fifth this month ..

Fox: I wonder how y'all survive

Cody: now that's my question...i've heard from the Jedi healers that you shouldn't be alive!

Fox: ...I think the mandalorian is approaching

Cody: don't distract me! Fox! I'm worried!

Rex: no, seriously ...Kote...Fox is right...

JAKARTA, Indonesia | Grief, anger overflow as families confront a silent Lion Air

JAKARTA, Indonesia  — Distraught and angry relatives of those killed when a Lion Air jet crashed last week have confronted the airline’s co-founder during a meeting Monday arranged by Indonesian officials.

Rusdi Kirana, the co-founder, was not invited to speak by Transport Minister Budi Karya Sumadi, who moderated the meeting between relatives and the officials who are overseeing the search…

So before I went home, I was really afraid to be cornered by (mostly)well-meaning church people who thought it appropriate to pry into my life and make judgements. So I asked some friends and did a bunch of googling and came up with a list of ways to leave conversations. Some with subtlety, some without. Feel free to add to the list. I was attending a birthday party on church property, so some of my suggestions are party specific.

1. It’s been great talking with you, thanks for sharing that with me. Enjoy the rest of the day/party/service

2. Please excuse me, I need to call my husband/spouse/babysitter/dog sitter/dentist/boss etc (then make a phone call to a preordained friend)

3. I haven’t been able to catch up with [insert name] yet, have you seen them?

4. I’m going to go get a refill on my drink, do you want anything?…it was great catching up with you!“

5. I need to see if my friend/sibling/party planner needs help, it was great to see you again!

6. I am going to let you go/ I don’t want to hoard all of your time! It was great to see you!

7. I will catch/see you later

8. Summarize the speaker’s rambling/venting/gossip/overly personal story offer a generic comment and an excuse from before. “Wow, it sounds like Susan is quite the character. Thanks for sharing, I need to see if so and so needs a hand”

9. Please excuse me, I need to make a quick restroom trip. It was great to see you! (Do go to the bathroom otherwise it’ll be awkward)

Less subtle, for when you’re done with the nonsense. Good for invasive and boundary trampling questions.

A big thing that happens, is when people ask invasive questions is that we feel uncomfortable or awkward for wanting to avoid answering. It shouldn’t be. We own our thoughts and feelings and do not have to share them with just anyone. Let the asker (especially if you know they aren’t being kind/genuine) sit in the awkward silence that *they* created by being invasive.

- “wow. That’s personal.” -“I’d rather not say.” -“You know, that’s really a private matter.” For a controversial topic- “I’ve not heard it said like that, I’ll have to think about that.”

Turn the question back on them: “When are you going to have kids?” “I was just going to ask you that.”

Comment on the question itself</b> “Isn’t that an interesting question.” And don’t answer.

Feign Ignorance Repeat their question back Rephrase if needed, but let them hear just how personal the question is: “You want to know why I’m comfortable with my husband and roommate being at the house while I’m here?”

Vary levels of corrosion based on the relationship with the person and if they’re not trying to be an asshole. Like, I hate the kids question, but if it’s a family member I’m trying to hold space for, I can let it slide. If it’s a gossipy church lady who’s judging me with the multitudes of questions she’s poured on me, no. She gets no sweetness with my answer.

For example, if I’m trying to be genuine and caring for someone-even when we are not on the same page (as I am with my siblings who are still religious) I may rephrase the question to them. “Are you concerned that my SO and roommate are home while I’m here? What makes you feel that way?” I’m not doing it to be a jerk, but to give them some space to think about what their asking and maybe offer a different perspective. Again though-judgy acquaintance gets no such space.

Additional Tips

-when you do answer a question, include the word “because” in your answer. We’re conditioned to accept “because” as a valid answer from a very young age.

-use touch(use your best judgement) people tend to respond positively to touch. So gently touching the upper arm or shoulder when refusing to answer a question can help you seem less abrasive (if that’s what you want)

-use humor “That’s classified” “If I told you, I’d have to kill you” “Ha! Only god knows.”

-pretend you can’t hear “Sorry, what was that?” Especially useful in louder rooms/larger groups but making them repeat the invasive/rude question a few times can help them realize what they just asked or make them give up asking you.

Remember: you own your thoughts and you are not obligated to share anything you do not want to. You are not rude or antisocial for maintaining your own privacy for any reason You are 100% ok to share some information with some people, and not share it with others You are 100% ok to be offended when some people ask questions, but not other people