Tips to end a conversation
So before I went home, I was really afraid to be cornered by (mostly)well-meaning church people who thought it appropriate to pry into my life and make judgements.
So I asked some friends and did a bunch of googling and came up with a list of ways to leave conversations.
Some with subtlety, some without.
Feel free to add to the list.
I was attending a birthday party on church property, so some of my suggestions are party specific.
1. Itâs been great talking with you, thanks for sharing that with me. Enjoy the rest of the day/party/service
2. Please excuse me, I need to call my husband/spouse/babysitter/dog sitter/dentist/boss etc (then make a phone call to a preordained friend)
3. I havenât been able to catch up with [insert name] yet, have you seen them?
4. Iâm going to go get a refill on my drink, do you want anything?âŚit was great catching up with you!â
5. I need to see if my friend/sibling/party planner needs help, it was great to see you again!
6. I am going to let you go/ I donât want to hoard all of your time! It was great to see you!
7. I will catch/see you later
8. Summarize the speakerâs rambling/venting/gossip/overly personal story offer a generic comment and an excuse from before.
âWow, it sounds like Susan is quite the character. Thanks for sharing, I need to see if so and so needs a handâ
9. Please excuse me, I need to make a quick restroom trip. It was great to see you! (Do go to the bathroom otherwise itâll be awkward)
Less subtle, for when youâre done with the nonsense. Good for invasive and boundary trampling questions.
A big thing that happens, is when people ask invasive questions is that we feel uncomfortable or awkward for wanting to avoid answering.
It shouldnât be.
We own our thoughts and feelings and do not have to share them with just anyone.
Let the asker (especially if you know they arenât being kind/genuine) sit in the awkward silence that *they* created by being invasive.
- âwow. Thatâs personal.â
-âIâd rather not say.â
-âYou know, thatâs really a private matter.â
For a controversial topic- âIâve not heard it said like that, Iâll have to think about that.â
Turn the question back on them:
âWhen are you going to have kids?â
âI was just going to ask you that.â
Comment on the question itself</b>
âIsnât that an interesting question.â And donât answer.
Feign Ignorance
Repeat their question back
Rephrase if needed, but let them hear just how personal the question is: âYou want to know why Iâm comfortable with my husband and roommate being at the house while Iâm here?â
Vary levels of corrosion based on the relationship with the person and if theyâre not trying to be an asshole. Like, I hate the kids question, but if itâs a family member Iâm trying to hold space for, I can let it slide. If itâs a gossipy church lady whoâs judging me with the multitudes of questions sheâs poured on me, no. She gets no sweetness with my answer.
For example, if Iâm trying to be genuine and caring for someone-even when we are not on the same page (as I am with my siblings who are still religious) I may rephrase the question to them.
âAre you concerned that my SO and roommate are home while Iâm here? What makes you feel that way?â
Iâm not doing it to be a jerk, but to give them some space to think about what their asking and maybe offer a different perspective.
Again though-judgy acquaintance gets no such space.
-when you do answer a question, include the word âbecauseâ in your answer. Weâre conditioned to accept âbecauseâ as a valid answer from a very young age.
-use touch(use your best judgement) people tend to respond positively to touch. So gently touching the upper arm or shoulder when refusing to answer a question can help you seem less abrasive (if thatâs what you want)
-use humor
âThatâs classifiedâ
âIf I told you, Iâd have to kill youâ
âHa! Only god knows.â
-pretend you canât hear
âSorry, what was that?â Especially useful in louder rooms/larger groups but making them repeat the invasive/rude question a few times can help them realize what they just asked or make them give up asking you.
Remember: you own your thoughts and you are not obligated to share anything you do not want to.
You are not rude or antisocial for maintaining your own privacy for any reason
You are 100% ok to share some information with some people, and not share it with others
You are 100% ok to be offended when some people ask questions, but not other people
Good luck out there everyone!