#attachmentmatters

Secure Attachment “Secure attachment is like a big cozy quilt that you can always feel holding you safe… keeping you warm and loved. It’s a knowledge that the quilt will always be there and you do not question whether you are worthy of it’s warmth, you know you are.” J. Milburn @responsive_parenting #responsiveparenting #jmilburn #attachmentstyles #attachmenttheory #secureattachment #attachmentmatters https://www.instagram.com/p/CUcpweogQrK/?utm_medium=tumblr

I've been having a discussion with a few people about the whole attachment parenting movement. While I think much of it is great, and that it's good to do the things they promote, it is more important to recognise what secure attachment actually is (a child's deep trust that they matter to someone and that their needs will be met) and how to build it. (I.e. Being responsive and interested in your child most of the time, consistent as much as possible, repairing the ruptures when they happen, reinforcing brain connections that build self esteem). I get it wrong a lot but I get enough right for my kids to know they are deeply loved, and that my lapses are just that, lapses. We aren't part of the "Attachment Parent" culture (which I think can add too much pressure to be perfect and can mislead people into guilt for not doing xyz and actually not build relationships.. don't get me wrong, the practices are great when they are what fits right, it's the more the need to "do it all" to be an real AP parent) We didn't cosleep. We mixed fed. One of my children was carried more than the other. I hate cooking. I barely manage to craft or knit even though I wish I had time. But I read to them and I hold their hands and when they cry I cuddle them. When they want hugs my arms are there. If my hands are needed the sling can help with their need for contact. Most of the time. It works for us all. That's more than good enough. #responsiveparenting #attachmentmatters #carryingmatters #goodenoughparenting #noguilt