#asuclaudine

Gaston: You saw my boobs then looked up and yelled thank you jesus.

Addison: I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a “let’s fuck” way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of “let me wash your hair” way.

Clarissa: There’s a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.

That’s a very general question, but @kendallandersen is very loveable so it’s very easy to imagine happening. So I guess I’ll indulge you guys and go into a couple of scenarios here! 

Anyway! My two closest friends are @claudine--frollo and @hadieathanasius and you may have noticed we actually have fairly similar tastes! And when they’re fairly superficial crushes that’s actually totally okay. We could all talk about how cute @carterlabouff is and squeal about it whenever he pays attention to us, but at the end of the day, no one’s heart is in it too deep and there would be no hurt feelings if Carter, say, went on casual dates with Hadie and then went on to date Claudine with a bit more intent after that, because we all thought he was cute but none of us were in that deep at the time of these separate events occurring.

In a hypothetical world where I perhaps had a friend who had had deeper feelings for my boyfriend at some point in time, thought, I never would have felt comfortable entering into a relationship knowing those feelings were actively still present. In fact, I probably would have avoided getting to know their crush too well on a one-on-one basis, and then once circumstances made it so that I ended up getting to know them anyway, I would have actively tried to convince myself I didn’t like him, even though, as previously mentioned, he’s very loveable and I think it’s pretty obvious to anyone who spends any sort of significant amount of time around him that he’s just... really the most wonderful human, and he’s hard not to love. Like very very much, I mean. Yeah! But anyway, in that world, imagine that your friend didn’t really talk about her crush anymore and maybe was always swearing off love anyway, and seemed to have made every effort to get over feelings because they were scary and complicated... and then suddenly they were going on dates with someone else, when dating was something they’d never attempted or been comfortable with before! 

You’d probably imagine that whatever they had going on with that person superseded any past crush you may have known about, and may have felt like that and the lack of mentions of feelings for someone else even though they noticed that you’d formed a new bond with that someone else that was growing quite strong and that would have been a perfect time to jump in and be like ‘by the way you know I still like him, right? Just in case your heart wanted to do something silly like fall for him, maybe now’s a good time to hit the brakes on that?” and... this is such a run-on sentence, I’m so sorry. Is this even making sense anymore? I hope you’re still following! If not, feel free to send me follow up questions for me to clarify further. 

Anyway, the moral of the story is that in this VERY HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION... it seemed safe to assume that any friend I might have that might have had feelings for Kendall had moved past those romantic feelings and was starting a sort of relationship with someone else. But you should never assume anything, there’s a reason that there’s that adage about ‘assuming making an a$$ out of you and me!” And so using deductive reasoning to conclude that it was ‘okay’ to give in to developing feelings of my own was perhaps -- okay, was definitely -- a mistake on my part, but by the time my hypothetical definitely not real friend who certainly doesn’t exist told me that those feelings perhaps weren’t as in the past as I’d assumed, I was in far too deep to, you know, end a relationship that made me the happiest I’d ever been. 

Especially because Kendall’s a person and not property, you know? It’s not like you can just... break up with someone and tell them to date your friend because you feel guilty that you’re dating him instead! They’d been friends for years and years without anything happening and I mean, I would have understood if he didn’t want to be with me anymore and wanted to explore that other option, even if it would have made me sad, because I care about them both so so much and want them to be happy! But I mean... this way, two and a half people are happy, and if I had broken up with him when I figured out the truth, then they still wouldn’t be together and three people would be sad instead of one person being half sad and half happy while two are happy so... um, math? 

This was a very long HYPOTHETICAL scenario and than you to those of you who stuck with it to the end! If you didn’t want to read it all, though, just know that I would never ever do that to a friend on purpose and perhaps I might have been willfully ignorant about it to an extent because of just how very happy being around Kendall made me, but hurting somebody else would never be my intention and I did try to shelve what I was feeling for a while, I really did! I promise! 

Also sorry to Carter La Bouff who may or may not have known any of this hypothetical information, I’m sorry if it ends up hurting your feelings that a girl you’re dating IN AN IMAGINARY SCENARIO ONLY might have actually liked someone else more than you when you started taking her out on hypothetical dates! But also I’m the only one of my friends you never liked and I get insecure a lot more easily than people might realize, so perhaps this is really just us being even? Yes? No? I don’t know, sorry! That’s a very petty thing to put out into the universe, let’s just pretend I never said it.

Congrats, this is one of the least stupid theories you’ve ever sent us. Anyone ever taken a creative writing class with @claudine--frollo? Or read her journal? Do some more digging, we want some hard evidence next time.

A good place to start would be with someone who’s actually single! In that case there are a lot of fascinating and beautiful people, including @claudine--frollo, @diamcndskylucy, @celia-facilier, @soldealva, and more!

It’s recently come to my attention that @carterlabouff actually is a really great guy and not an annoying butthead like I once thought, but I’ve got three good reasons why this is the worst idea ever, and their names are @karmeninka, @hadieathanasius, and @claudine--frollo.

send me three names + a number…

Kill: @hadieathanasius! Isn’t death just like a plane ride home for him?

Betray: @madmyrcellamim! She seems the most likely to throw me under a bus -- literally! Which is cool, I wonder if the wheels hurt or not, they seem so squishy but strong.

Have On Your Zombie Apocalypse Team: @claudine--frollo.