#aspectopics

This is mostly directed at acespec individuals:

how do you feel about sex in the media? for instance, sex scenes in movies, smut in books, suggestive stuff, sexualization of characters etc? 

For me, I don’t enjoy anything sexual to the point that I will avoid it if I can, but it doesn’t physically gross me out/make me sick or anything. I prefer it when characters are wearing clothing that isn’t revealing as long as it fits the context. Superfluous sexuality in stuff bothers me, but I have learned to ignore it/tolerate it for the most part.

I know some people really can’t handle sex-related stuff, if that applies to you is it because of your acespec identity?

How do you guys feel overall about it? I don’t know if being asexual causes one to be less tolerant of sexy stuff than an allosexual person. I don’t think there are a lot of people who enjoy having an awkward sex scene plopped into a movie just for the hell of it, but I wonder if being asexual means it might bother you on a different level as well?

Today’s topic is

Queer-platonic relationships!

A LOT of misinformation goes around about qpps (which can also stand for quasi-platonic relationship), mostly due to the fact that the difference between romantic relationships and qpps is subtle and can be difficult to understand if you don’t experience attraction in a certain way. A lot of people, very confused people, like to say “YOU MEAN LIKE FRIENDS L M A O” whenever qpps are brought up. One thing that a ton of people forget is that anyone, aspec or not, could have a queerplatonic relationship if that was what they wanted to do!

I found a good definition of qpp on Urban Dictionary:

“Queer-platonic- Adjective describing a relationship which is more intense and intimate than is considered common or normal for a "friendship", but doesn't fit the traditional sexual-romantic couple model. It is characterized by a strong bond, love, and emotional commitment, yet is not perceived by those involved as "romantic". The relationship may or may not have some elements or degree of sexuality/eroticism at various times, or none - it doesn't matter, because sexuality/sexual exclusivity is not what the relationship is organized around. It's defined by the intensity and significance of the emotional connection.”

Ok that was long. Now that we have a definition, there’s some stuff I wanna ask you guys about. I’ve never had a qpp, tell me what y’all think!

Do any of you want a qpp and why?

Anyone currently in a qpp, tell us about it and maybe give some advice?

Is there anything anyone wants to add/change about the general definition?

How would you go about getting into a qpp? Any ideas?

Hey guys.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about my future, and as an aroace person I am looking forward to living alone in my own house and doing whatever I want.

However, I can’t help but feel that deviating from the typical couple/nuclear family makes it difficult to maintain relationships and friendships and avoid feeling alone.

So, I wanna hear what you guys have to say about

Loneliness.

I feel like loneliness is a problem for anyone who isn’t seeking the heterosexual, heteroromantic pairing, simply due to the fact that finding a partner becomes much, much more difficult, whether you are looking for a romantic partner or a qpr. Some people might want to have kids, but being aspec can make that difficult in a ton of different ways.

When I think of the future I can’t help but feel despair when I know that my friends and family will all be paired up and making their own little families, and that for me to be who I really am, I can’t make myself do that. I feel like I’ll always be trying to visit friends, but they won’t have time for me. I feel helpless because finding someone to be in a qpr with is in some ways more difficult than finding a romantic or sexual partner.

Do you guys think about this stuff too? Obviously it’s different for people on different areas of the spectrum.

How do you guys cope with feeling lonely?

I wish there were more ways to link up with other aspec people who are in similar situations, do you guys agree?

Am I just doomed for a future of being a visitor in everyone else’s lives?

I hope y’all are ready for some more questions to answer!

This post is directed at two particular groups.... drumroll please.......

Demiromantics and demisexuals!

A group of people who are very often misunderstood and dismissed as being something they are not. I, personally, am not demi, so I am really curious and excited to hear what y’all have to say.

First,

What’s one thing about being demi that you want everyone around you to understand?

If you could magically make information appear in their heads, haha.

Second, I think the prefix “demi” is really cool because it reminds me of “demigod,” so just for fun my second question is

If you were a demigod, what would your powers be?

I recently saw a post from someone in the community saying that they wished that there were more than just discourse and validation/positivity posts in the community tags.

I will be posting topics and questions for us to talk about.

NO discourse will be posted, reblogged, or allowed.

If you are ace, aro, aroace, demi, aspec, arospec, or questioning, please feel free to join the discussion!

If you want me to post a particular discussion topic, just send me a message or ask.

The ‘official’ tag for this blog’s posts will be “acetopics,” but I want to emphasize that I want aromantic and asexual folks to have equal voices, and to help bring more visibility to the aromantic community.

The asexual and aromantic communities contain people of different genders, races, orientations, backgrounds, nationalities, abilities, and so forth. I want everyone to feel comfortable with sharing how these identities have influenced their ace/aro experience. Being ace and/or aro is just one part of the complex and beautiful being that you are.

I will post conversation-starting posts every so often, and I hope you guys will help me out and join the discussion!

This discussion topic was brought to you by @raavenb2619.

As pride month approaches, discussions of sexuality and orientation occur way more frequently, and members of the LGBTQ+ community interact with each other on the internet and in person.

Asexuality, while still often misunderstood by others, is still more well-known than aromanticism. The lack of general knowledge in the greater community can cause problems with people not even knowing that your identity exists, or saying things that make you feel less than comfortable.

What are some ways you guys advocate for yourselves, especially when interacting with the rest of the LGBTQ+ community?

Also, how do you cope with feeling left out or overlooked? This is something that has bothered me many times.

One point that @raavenb2619 specifically made was the struggle they have with the phrase “love is love is love,” and other sayings that erase the differences between platonic and romantic love. The aspec community is unique in that we make very clear distinctions between different types of relationships and feelings, and that we feel it is very important to understand that romantic love is not better or more important than platonic love. Generalizing the idea of “love” works for most of the community, but can make us feel left out.

Don’t get me wrong, this type of language isn’t “problematic,” but it does illustrate the point that aspec, and more specifically aromantic culture and ideas aren’t widely known or understood, which is understandable because we are such a small community, but that doesn’t mean we can’t work to make things better for ourselves.

I’m sorry this post is long, I’m not sure what I’m trying to ask, but I want tol hear from everyone on how they feel.

(Gay-Straight Alliance- general name for lgbtq+ organizations on campuses, etc.)

Hey everyone, hope everything is going great for everyone. This is just a short post about GSA organizations.

I’ve never been to a GSA meeting or any kind of lgbtq+ meeting, and I know each club is different, but I still want to get some feedback from you guys.

Tell me about your experience attending a GSA meeting/other queer organization, and whether you liked it/felt welcome, especially in regards to your aspec identity

Did people already know about your aspec identity, or did you have to explain it to everyone?

Those of you who haven’t been but are thinking about it, what concerns/question do you have and are you worried about anything.

Hey everyone, I’m back with another topic that I’m curious about.

How/when did you realize you were aspec? Tell me your side of the story.

I’ll start it off. I only knew about aspec identities after being on tumblr for a few years, but I never really connected the dots. I actually thought I was pansexual for a while, lol.

Anyways, the culture I was living in put a really heavy emphasis on having relationships and dating, but I was starting to realize that it just made me really uncomfortable and I couldn’t picture myself actually being a significant other.

Finally, I texted my bff and asked “do u think I could be aromantic?” And they were like “um, of course!”

After that I also realized I was asexual, though it wasn’t as big of a shock as being aromantic.

I felt this huge amount of relief, like I didn’t have to wonder why I felt differently than everyone else- there was an explanation now.