#askbox meme reply

(also i did one for jasper ages ago so im going with a nerd i dont pay a lot of attention to on this blog anymore)

(& just in case: cw for brief mentions of csa below)

your fave is problematic: maur stormcrown

literal child

seriously who let a 19 year old be The Dragonborn

if this wasnt skyrim would she be legally old enough to drink

why is everyone okay with sending her out solo to face *gestures to the entirety of the game*

highly questionable morals

grave robbing? theft? murder? arson? all good and fun activities

has had this attitude since she was a fifteen-year-old guild thief in the imperial city, committing increasingly dangerous crimes to earn the approval of her sponsor in the guild, the one person keeping her from being utterly alone and destitute on the streets

will not harm beggars, children, or domestic animals, at any cost. usually the expense of property damage that people-not-her will have to pay for

wears an amulet of zenithar ironically. thinks “guild thief wearing symbols of the god who explicitly hates theft” is the pinnacle of comedy

will eat anything

antlers. grave dust. ectoplasm. raw eggs. raw hearts. gravel. just fucken grab a handful of rocks and e a t t h e m

is never sure if she has the right to be upset that her step-parents kicked her out, leaving her vulnerable to being targeted by a predator as a young teen, because that is definitely a reasonable punishment for an understimulated kid turning to petty theft for an intellectual challenge

cant actually use mortal magic

dragon soul that provides her with unfathomable amounts of potential to warp the fabric of reality to her will. cant make flames with her hands or do a simple healing spell

only came to skyrim because she was trying to outrun the guild after murdering her sponsor

thats not problematic at all, tbh, dude was a creep who kept a teenage girl as a human pet and definitely deserved it when she finally snapped and beat his ass

but seriously why is nobody concerned about this baby running around by herself

why are you routinely promoting her in the imperial army, she doesnt need a rank and title she needs therapy and a case with cyrodiilic child services

uses telekinesis to throw cabbages across whiteruns market district at 2 am and try to catch them with the same spell before they hit the ground

carries an impractical amount of knives

doesnt pay marcurio enough to deal with everything she drags him into

yfip: malcolm hawke/andres santangela/davune 

how many names does one man need

seriously its not that hard to disappear in thedas, you dont need to change your name every time you have a change in circumstances

fell in love with a templar

no respect for the maker. or andraste. or the chantry. or humans in general

frequently bullshitted rituals and other aspects of dalish life to see just how much the lay sisters in the circle would believe

one such incident had him detailing a “petition to ghilan’nain” that included tentacles, griffin masks, and indecent acts involving halla. later he remarked that being forced to attend daily chant readings for three months was “worth it for the looks on their faces when i offered to demonstrate”

malcolm w h y

used humor as a cover for his barely-existent will to live after being forcibly separated from his people and imprisoned half a continent away

pushed his luck at least partially to see how much theyd put up with before they killed him or made him tranquil. quote, “either way im out of my misery. i think that means i win”

gave his kids proper dalish names, but only ones that translated to things like ‘love haze’ and ‘moon blossom’ and ‘prince of weed’

to be fair though, his birth name is literally ‘moon child’

let leandra convince him to move to ferelden because she missed living in the south surrounded by humans as opposed to the bright, sunny beaches of rivain. also let her raise the kids increasingly andrastian and didnt put up a lot of resistance when she got upset over his speaking dalish with them even as she knew full well he harbored a lot of resentment towards andrastianism for everything he suffered in the name of the maker

bro just throw the whole wife out

died

just straight got gutted in his own front yard

like i mean it was kinda cool, bleeding out and using that to call for and fuse with a spirit to make sure he at least took those three templars with him before they could hurt the kids, but like. bro

((Since X and Ska have only met once, three of these will be about Ali))

About X and Aliblu:

These two love to gossip, often over tea and snacks. This isn’t even a headcanon, it’s just straight up canon, as seen here.

Also canon, these two gang up on Nix to parent him. It’s a thing, and it’s happened enough times that it’s too much effort to try linking them here.

X is so, so very grateful for all the help Ali has given, especially in feeding the kids. He just wishes he could do more to show that, or maybe even come close to repaying her kindness.

About X and Skarlette:

4 Headcanons about our muses’ relationship

((No problem friendo! Also gonna stick with X this time.))

About X and Gage:

X also knows that Gage is trying to sneak about undetected- unlike Nix, however, X does not let the illusion last long due to a firm understanding that Gage will, in fact, get himself into trouble from all that mischief eventually. So, no, Gage, please put the cookie back where you found it. If you’re hungry, X can grab you some energy crystals instead. No, he’s very sure you can’t have that cookie. Gage, put the cookie down. Gage.

X does think of Gage as a kid, especially with how the elf used to act, before he disappeared for a while. This isn’t likely to change any time soon, perhaps to Gage’s annoyance.

X is about to become a lot more protective of Gage, especially after very recently being informed by someone else that Gage has gone completely blind, even after being warned beforehand that it could happen without treatment (and not going through with treatment, damn it, Gage!) and that Gage himself neglected to inform X of this ‘development’.

4 Headcanons about our muses’ relationship

((tbh I’ve got a good list going, so I’m just gonna spread them out between X and the kids))

About X, the kids, and Maru:

Monty likes Maru’s hugs because they’re so warm (But he likes Mu Young’s because he gets the impression that the guy doesn’t usually like hugs, so Monty’s gonna steal as many as he can get away with).

Dom, even after coming back to lucidity, keeps getting this weird feeling when he’s hanging around Maru??? It’s not a bad feeling- far from it, really- so he’s not too put off by it, but it’s definitely uncanny. And yet, still oddly familiar, somehow.

X still doesn’t know about Maru’s combat capabilities, so there’s a very real possibility of an adoption attempt unless the kids stop him like the last 5 times he tried to adopt someone else.

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