#ask lapis

I wish I could take it back.

But he never tried to back off, or stopped when I told him to.

It still feels as if it’s my fault though.

STABBING AND STABBING AND STABBING AND-

There are many things I wish happened differently.

Like not falling for his advances.

Or maybe becoming too obsessed.

WHY IS HE STILL BREATHING? HE SHOULD BE DEAD! HES DEAD!

He was far too old to be trying to court me anyway.

I was 15. He was 46.

But I allowed it because he was the first to not look at me with envy, or spite.

IS THERE A GUN? ANYTHING SHARP? PLEASE LET ME FIND SOMETHING-

Then he tried getting me to sleep with him.

It’s forbidden for the high court of Carcosa to have any kind of sexual relations to someone of such a low status.

Especially someone so young.

THERES NOTHING! NOTHING USEFUL!

I said no.

THERE’S A DULL KNIFE IN THE KITCHEN…. MY ONLY WEAPON… DO I WANT HIM TO SUFFER?

He tried forcing me.

THE PRICK DESERVES IT. THE SELF RIGHTEOUS ARROGANT ASSHOLE DESERVES IT.

I ran.

HE CANT HURT ME IF HES DEAD. AND HE DOESNT DESERVE A QUICK ONE.

He chased me into the kitchen area.

He tried forcing me against the counter.

His hand caressed my cheek.

I grabbed the knife.

STABBING AND STABBING AND STABBING AND-

The king found me just a few minutes after his pulse went cold.

He allowed me to stay near his quarters to ensure it wouldn’t happen again.

His face isn’t what haunts me.