So I’m still gonna keep my labels of asexual & Nonbinary as well as grey romantic probably. But I think identity wise, I am Girlflux between y’know being female and Neutrois, asexual, and a lesbian. And this post is mostly for my future self to read but here’s some other random notes about my identity.
So I think I’m girlflux and Neutrois because when I first read both of them separately they clicked and made so much sense to me. But I am still open to the fact that I could have fluctuating dysphoria. I know for certain that I am not 100% female, so I’m either always Neutrois with fluctuating dysphoria or I’m girlflux between Neutrois and mostly female. And for me I define my Neutrois as feeling gender neutral with dysphoria around wanting to look genderless/gender neutral. Also dysphoria is a bitch and I wish I was either female or born in a fitting body, but whatever I guess I’ll just transition in the future at some point.
Dealing with my asexuality, while I have to say it’s liberating to realize that some people don’t want sex and don’t need it, me included, I’ve always looked for to sexual attraction. To sexual tension, all those wonderful feelings, while yeah I can still technically have sex I still feel kinda let down. Don’t get me wrong I’m pretty sex averse and can’t actually see myself having sex, I still feel like I was promised that sex would the most important thing ever and be so fucking life changing and wonderful. But it’s not for me, most people (excluding girls and some others) are just neutral humans walking around that physically I don’t really think about at all. People say I’ll change and feel sexual attraction, but honestly deep down I don’t feel like i will. And that’s okay. That’s me, that’s part of who i am. And I love myself, so I’ll love that part of me too.
Oof and then the last thing. So I’m pretty are I’m either a lesbian or lithoromantic. And you’d think it’d be easy to tell but it isn’t. First thing I know for certain, I don’t like dudes. I can convince myself all day I do, but I don’t. And whatever feelings I conjure inside myself for dudes are no where near what i feel for girls naturally (and I’ll talk about Nonbinary peeps in a moment). And I knows for certain I like girls, but I haven’t been in enough long term relationships with women to know if I’m lithoromantic or gay. The only thing I can say is I’m still vaguely crushing on my little elementary girl crushes and I haven’t even seen those chicks in yearssss. And the two serious relationships with girls I’ve had were amazing while they lasted but they didn’t last very long (not longer than 2 months), and I only ever saw each of them once while we dated. And I’m still confused because gender is confusing, but the only trans dude who I’ve dated was pre-transition and I thought I liked him a lot but it faded and then I fell for my current crush and I realized how toned down my feelings for the dude was. Now about Nonbinary people, I only have met two Nonbinary people other than myself. And simply put I wasn’t really attracted to either of them. And I’ve seen photos of NB peeps online and they are cute don’t get me wrong but not “holy shit ahhh I want to make them smile” kind of cute. Soo I feel comfortable for now considering myself as a lesbian.
Random ranking of my aesthetic attraction to people;
Girls/Women (trans, nb, or cis)
Gender neutral/androgynous nonbinary people
Trans dudes (idk why they are cuter than cis/nb dudes to me but they are)
And for explaining the levels quickly,
1- “holy shit I’m def blushing rn, Aphrodite blessed this gorgeous woman. Send help I’m dead ⚰️”
2- “ah they’re nice, I like that hair cut it bring out their facial structure. Cool moving on..”
3&4- nothing special for me just a human
Anywaysss it’s late I’m tired, goodnight. This was my weird post about my identity so yup 🦇
