#aro shipper

🌷 Many’s Valentines Aro Ask Meme

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, we decided to make an ask meme for aro yume/selfshippers.

RULES

🌿 This ask meme is strictly for those who are aro-spec. Alloromantics do NOT use this ask meme for familial, platonic, or other non-romantic selfships.

🍁 Alloromantics who are with an aro-spec F/O may answer these questions.

☘️ Fuck a Discourse Stance. There’s not enough aromantic stuff in the yume/selfshipping community. This ask meme is for anyone who’s aro-spec and selfships.

🌸 Due to the content of some of questions, we ask the MiNORS DNi with this ask meme.

QUESTiONS

How do you and your F/O know each other?? (Classmates, coworkers, friends, etc)

How long have you and your F/O know each other?? How did the two of you meet??

How do you and your F/O spend time together?? How do the two of you bond??

Do you and your F/O buy each other things that remind you of each other?? What did they last buy for you?? What did you last buy for them??

Do you and your F/O celebrate together (birthdays, successes, milestones, etc)? How do you typically celebrate??

Do you and your F/O have a “shared language” (made up of insides jokes and references to things you’ve experienced together)?? Do you have an inside joke or reference you’d like to share??

Do you and your F/O have anything that matches (tattoos, jewelry, clothing, posters, merch, etc)?

Do you and your F/O know how to cheer one another up on a bad day?? How do you cheer up your F/O?? How do they cheer you up??

Do you and your F/O know how the other is feeling, based off nonverbal communication?? (Posture, facial expression, habit, etc)

Does your F/O know that they care about you?? Do you know your F/O cares about you?? Is this something you have formally communicated with to one another??

Do people assume you and your F/O are dating/romantic??

Is your F/O also aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum?? If applicable, how do they identify??

How do you and your F/O label or describe your dynamic?? Is this the same way you label or describe your dynamic to people who are close to you, or strangers??

Personally, according to you, would you describe your relationship with your F/O as platonic, queerplatonic, or romantic?? (Or neither, if you don’t like these labels).

If your F/O is alloromantic, how do they feel about you being aromantic?? How did they find out?? Have they ever confessed their feelings to you?? If so, how did it make you feel??

Is your relationship with your F/O sexual?? If so, do you consider this a form of intimacy and connection that you share with your F/O, or is it about mutual pleasure??

Are you and/or your F/O “aro-spec coded”, without actually being labeled as such (for example, period pieces or fantasy settings where such labels don’t really exist to describe such experiences, maybe the narrative just doesn’t have a space where you talk about these things, etc). Are there ways you and/or your F/O express being aromantic without the label actually being dropped??

Do you and/or your F/O feel the need to label themself as aromantic/aro-spec?? Do you and/or your F/O use aro-spec microlabels?? If so, what labels are used??

For those who are demiromantic or greyromantic, were you, your F/O or others around you confused when you started to have romantic feelings for your F/O??

For those who are demiromantic or greyromantic, is your F/O the first you’ve felt romantic feelings for, or were there others?? How did you realize you were experiencing romantic feelings towards your F/O?

For those who are aroflux, arospike, arofluid or similar, how does your F/O handle your waxing and waning romantic attraction to them?? Is this something they’re aware of, or is it something you try to manage quietly yourself??

For those who are romance repulsed, how do you navigate this with your F/O?? Is it something they understand and are supportive of, or is it something they struggle with??

For those who are hyperromantic aro-specs, how do you navigate this with your F/O?? Is it something they understand and are supportive of, or is it something they struggle with?? Do you have accompanying romance repulsion with your hyperromance??

Do you have a loveless dynamic with your F/O??

Do you have relationship anarchy with your F/O??

Are you and your F/O monogamous or polyamorous?? If you’re polyamorous, are there anymore aro-specs in the polycule??

Is there anything you and your F/O share the responsibility of?? (Child, pet, plant, housing, department, division, company, etc)

Do you personally view platonic ships as aromantic, or something different that aromantics can also enjoy??

Do you personally view familial ships as aromantic, or something else different that aromantics can also enjoy??

Do you and your F/O do anything for Valentine’s Day?? (Ironically, unironically, reclaimatory, etc)

🌷 A Valentines Aro is an aromantic who yume/selfships.

Coining post: https://www.tumblr.com/ryanyflags/742365620441612288/i-meant-selfshipper-shipper-aro-called-valentine

I often see on aro blogs people wondering whether being aro and enjoying shipping fictional characters make them “not aro” or “not aro enough”. The answer, of course, is no. You can be aro and ship. But that got me wondering: as a raging aro and a shipper, how come I find this enjoyable? Why would I happily spend hours upon hours writing two fictional characters being in love and domestic together, but if my friend asks me to go to their wedding I would immediately depart for Nepal where I intend to live as a goat?

To answer that, first we need to understand what aromanticism is. The most common definition is that aros do not “experience romantic attraction”, but I find that a little vague. To me, aros are people who do not...romance someone for the sake of romancing them. We know why people become attached as friends or family, but that pull to romance someone is beyond us. For demiros, then, the pull to romance someone--whatever romance may entail in your culture--comes only after knowing someone well. Alloros will be people who not only experience that pull to romance someone for the sake of romancing them, but that pull is not conditional upon anything.

Onto the other subject: what is shipping? Shipping, at its heart, is a literary game of liking the idea of two people being together. It is about seeing two characters who, metaphorically, slot together. Maybe it’s their personalities--power couples who run into battles together, guns ablazin. A broken, desolate person and their partner with a big heart. From a character and plot analysis standpoint, it makes sense for these people to be together--as partners, as close friends, as family.

Real life romance rarely “make sense” in this way. There are couples who are as different as can be, with completely mismatched interests, barely overlapping hobbies, held together by shreds of common traits, but are very happy together. If you ask a couple why they like each other, their answers may as well be describing why you like your friends. It’s hard to...stan the idea of them being together the way you would fictional characters. Like, yay you have a new friend. Woohoo. But celebrating a romantic relationship for the sake of a romantic relationship... that is definitely beyond me.

For me, this is why shipping while aro makes sense. The two characters that I ship fit well together. They have demonstrated that they work well as close friends, close family, close partners. I like their dynamic together. If the narrative decides to take it a step further to make their relationship romantic, I can see the basis of that. Of course, I still wouldn’t understand or like it if their whole storyline as a couple is just them staring into each others’ eyes all the time with no other plot and character development. But assuming that we are talking about well-written couples in well-written stories, even as an aro, I can see myself stanning the idea of those two characters being together.

This may also be why unlike other alloro shippers, it is very rare for me to be interested in non-canon ships, crack ships, and rare pairs. Any well-written canon ships will have plenty of details in canon supporting why these two would be a good fit together. Maybe we are shown how they have fared individually, and their partners being what they need in life. Maybe we are shown the two of them braving their ways through challenges together, working well together. Non-canon ships, crack ships, and rare pairs rarely have that kind of...”supporting evidence” that make their partnership, romantic or not, sensible to me as an aro viewer.