a solution to shipping non repulsed aspec characters is literally just keeping them aspec in a relationship. and i dont mean treating them the same as any other character in a relationship. yes, aces can have sex with other people, but they probably won’t enjoy it the same way an allo would. give them other reasons to like it. maybe they like the expression on their partner’s face. maybe they like making others feel good. maybe they have specific hangups about it- they can have sex with someone but only if their partner can’t see them. they can have sex with someone so long as it’s really romantic, or soft, or rough, or silly, or with no strings attached, or anything else. maybe they’d rather not be touched at all and just want to watch.
yes, aros can be in a romantic relationship with someone. but they won’t feel the same way as their partner does about it (or if they do, it’s gonna take a while. ex: greyros, demiros). give them more complex feelings about it: maybe they feel completely platonic love for their partner, but deep enough for them to want to be in a romantic relationship with their partner. maybe they feel queerplatonic about their partner. maybe they wish they could feel romantic feelings for their partner (cupiro). maybe they like kissing for sexual reasons but not romantic ones. maybe they like cuddling but not kissing because it feels gross. maybe all they like are kisses that arent on the lips. maybe they only like kisses that are. maybe they like having sex with their partner. maybe they don’t. maybe they want an open relationship. maybe they only want to fuck their partner.
and these are just the parts of the a-spectrum that i’m on (asexual, aromantic). i didn’t put anything down for aplatonics because i’m admittedly undereducated on the aplatonic parts of our spectrum :( any aplatonics or microlabels that would like to reblog with some ideas for other aspec identities in relationships are extremely encouraged!! i love hearing from our community!!
(Also, just to be clear, please don’t ship repulsed aspec characters. Don’t put repulsed aros into a romantic relationship, don’t make repulsed aces have sex, don’t force repulsed apls into having a friend. That’s erasure, just like how shipping a lesbian with a man or a gay with a woman is erasing their queerness. Please remember we are a part of the queer community to be respected, too, and taking our rep from us doesn’t help anyone. Yes, even if it’s yaoi or yuri. Leave them alone.)
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Step 2: If you choose to ignore step 1, ask yourself, "why?"
What does shipping this aromantic character add? Is it "just for fun"? Why do you feel the need to force an aromantic character into a romantic relationship? Why is that fun for you? Do you think an aromantic individual would be made uncomfortable if they saw you shipping this character? Why can't the ship be non-romantic? (Note: If you ship characters "queerplatonically" don't just write a romantic relationship and say it's queerplatonic to avoid backlash. If you're making a queerplatonic actually fucking make it queerplatonic.)
Step 3: Do not erase the character's aromantic identity
The aromantic spectrum is huge and there are infinite labels you can use to better develop the dynamic between the characters. For example, recipromantic is an aromantic spectrum identity where one doesn't feel romantic attraction unless the user is made aware of the other individuals romantic feelings first. This label can work perfectly when wanting to ship an aromantic character because it acknowledges that the relationship is unnatural feeling to the character. Explore how an aromantic individual may navigate a romantic relationship, are they typically romance-repulsed? How does that affect the relationship? Have they been in romantic relationships in the past? How did their aromantic identity impact these previous relationships? Why did these previous relationships fail? Was it due to said aromantic identity? What trauma, paranoia, or other fears may arise from this?
Step 4: Don't give in to amatonormativity.
(amatonormativity: the societal assumptions or expectations that everyone prospers with an exclusive romantic relationship and/or desires an exclusive romantic relationship.) Some folk ship aromantic characters (intentionally or not) because of amatonormativity, the assumption that everyone *needs* a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled. Make it abundantly clear when shipping with this character that said relationship isn't, "filling a hole". This character is perfectly happy without a romantic relationship, they are in the relationship because they want to be. In fact, aromantic people can be in romantic relationships without feeling romantic attraction at all! This can be a very interesting concept to write around, how does their lack of romantic attraction affect their romantic relationship? How does this character navigate their "conflicting" feelings? How does their partner navigate a romantic relationship where they feel romantic attraction but their partner does not? You can further push this concept by making both characters on the aromantic spectrum. How do two aromantic folk navigate a romantic relationship with each other? A concept I love but don't see often is two cupioromantic (an aromantic identity where one feels no romantic attraction but still desires a romantic relationship) characters navigating a romantic relationship with each other.
Step 5: "It's not that serious/deep" It is.
If you are alloromantic I want you to shut the fuck up for literally 10 seconds. I want you to name every single alloromantic character you can think of, every character that canonically gets into a romantic relationship, that shows direct romantic interest in other characters. That list is probably impossible to name because almost every. Single. Character. Is alloromantic or shows romantic interest in others. Now name every (canonical) aromantic character.
If you're on the aromantic spectrum but still experience little, conditional, rare, etc. romantic attraction I'm going to hold your hand when I say this, some of you aren't good allies to the rest of your aromantic community. I usually hold back my criticisms of my own community, because navigating the world as someone on the aromantic spectrum is already hard enough, but some of y'all have some internalized amatonormativity you need to unpack. Especially some of you demiromantic folk. Every single arophobic experience that I had that wasn't from an alloro was from a demiromantic asshole to think their status as aro-spec makes them incapable of arophobia. I'm telling you, it fucking doesn't. If an aromantic individual tells you you're being arophobic don't deflect it with, "but I'm aro-spec!" You are just as capable of arophobia as alloro folk.
Experiencing no romantic attraction is isolating enough, even within the *aromantic community* because amatonormativity is a fucking disease, but navigating fandom spaces as an aromantic person can lead to a lot of self hatred, shame, and confusing or conflicting feelings.
I'm so. Tired.
I want to have a canonically aromantic character that people respect, because it shows that people respect me too. That people don't deep down think I'm fundamentally broken or need a romantic relationship to be interesting.
If you ship aromantic characters I am begging you to think about how other queer people feel when they are denied their representation. Imagine a gay or lesbian character being in a straight ship, a trans character being "headcanoned" as cis, a bisexual or pansexual or otherwise multisexual character being "headcanoned" gay/lesbian, a nonbinary character that is constantly misgendered by the fandom, or even think about when a non-white character is whitewashed or when a disabled character is "cured" in fanfiction or fanart for the author or artist's comfort.
In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, we decided to make an ask meme for aro yume/selfshippers.
RULES
🌿 This ask meme is strictly for those who are aro-spec. Alloromantics do NOT use this ask meme for familial, platonic, or other non-romantic selfships.
🍁 Alloromantics who are with an aro-spec F/O may answer these questions.
☘️ Fuck a Discourse Stance. There’s not enough aromantic stuff in the yume/selfshipping community. This ask meme is for anyone who’s aro-spec and selfships.
🌸 Due to the content of some of questions, we ask the MiNORS DNi with this ask meme.
QUESTiONS
How do you and your F/O know each other?? (Classmates, coworkers, friends, etc)
How long have you and your F/O know each other?? How did the two of you meet??
How do you and your F/O spend time together?? How do the two of you bond??
Do you and your F/O buy each other things that remind you of each other?? What did they last buy for you?? What did you last buy for them??
Do you and your F/O celebrate together (birthdays, successes, milestones, etc)? How do you typically celebrate??
Do you and your F/O have a “shared language” (made up of insides jokes and references to things you’ve experienced together)?? Do you have an inside joke or reference you’d like to share??
Do you and your F/O have anything that matches (tattoos, jewelry, clothing, posters, merch, etc)?
Do you and your F/O know how to cheer one another up on a bad day?? How do you cheer up your F/O?? How do they cheer you up??
Do you and your F/O know how the other is feeling, based off nonverbal communication?? (Posture, facial expression, habit, etc)
Does your F/O know that they care about you?? Do you know your F/O cares about you?? Is this something you have formally communicated with to one another??
Do people assume you and your F/O are dating/romantic??
Is your F/O also aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum?? If applicable, how do they identify??
How do you and your F/O label or describe your dynamic?? Is this the same way you label or describe your dynamic to people who are close to you, or strangers??
Personally, according to you, would you describe your relationship with your F/O as platonic, queerplatonic, or romantic?? (Or neither, if you don’t like these labels).
If your F/O is alloromantic, how do they feel about you being aromantic?? How did they find out?? Have they ever confessed their feelings to you?? If so, how did it make you feel??
Is your relationship with your F/O sexual?? If so, do you consider this a form of intimacy and connection that you share with your F/O, or is it about mutual pleasure??
Are you and/or your F/O “aro-spec coded”, without actually being labeled as such (for example, period pieces or fantasy settings where such labels don’t really exist to describe such experiences, maybe the narrative just doesn’t have a space where you talk about these things, etc). Are there ways you and/or your F/O express being aromantic without the label actually being dropped??
Do you and/or your F/O feel the need to label themself as aromantic/aro-spec?? Do you and/or your F/O use aro-spec microlabels?? If so, what labels are used??
For those who are demiromantic or greyromantic, were you, your F/O or others around you confused when you started to have romantic feelings for your F/O??
For those who are demiromantic or greyromantic, is your F/O the first you’ve felt romantic feelings for, or were there others?? How did you realize you were experiencing romantic feelings towards your F/O?
For those who are aroflux, arospike, arofluid or similar, how does your F/O handle your waxing and waning romantic attraction to them?? Is this something they’re aware of, or is it something you try to manage quietly yourself??
For those who are romance repulsed, how do you navigate this with your F/O?? Is it something they understand and are supportive of, or is it something they struggle with??
For those who are hyperromantic aro-specs, how do you navigate this with your F/O?? Is it something they understand and are supportive of, or is it something they struggle with?? Do you have accompanying romance repulsion with your hyperromance??
Do you have a loveless dynamic with your F/O??
Do you have relationship anarchy with your F/O??
Are you and your F/O monogamous or polyamorous?? If you’re polyamorous, are there anymore aro-specs in the polycule??
Is there anything you and your F/O share the responsibility of?? (Child, pet, plant, housing, department, division, company, etc)
Do you personally view platonic ships as aromantic, or something different that aromantics can also enjoy??
Do you personally view familial ships as aromantic, or something else different that aromantics can also enjoy??
Do you and your F/O do anything for Valentine’s Day?? (Ironically, unironically, reclaimatory, etc)
🌷 A Valentines Aro is an aromantic who yume/selfships.
Another concept I'll never write- Mettaton and Papyrus both become convinced through Shenanigans that the other is madly in love with them and is trying to figure out how to break it to the other that they're aromantic gently (Yes, Mettaton usually wouldn't bother being kind about it but he does like Papyrus' company even if he wouldn't marry the man). They (obviously) don't fall in love through this but they're best friends by the end once all the misunderstandings are cleared up
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
