Summary: Patton is alone at home and is enjoying this time dancing and filling himself with pride (Extremely self-indulgent but at this point all my fanfics are like this and I have no shame at all so yeah xP)
Genre: Songfic (Will Jay, Marina and the Diamonds and Moses Sumney)
Word Count: 3371 words (9 pages)
Pairings (All of them are heavily mentioned but they are not the focus of the story): Queerplatonic LAMP, Romantic Analogince and Romantic DukeceitĀ
Content: Slight Angst w/ Comfort; Human!AU; Aro!Patton; Closeted Aromantic; Virgil, Roman and Logan are romantically dating and each one of them are Pattonās QPPs; Fluff; Just pure fluff despite many things; Sympathetic Deceit; Sympathetic Remus; Hoh!Deceit; Sign Names mentioned for 2 characters; Hoh experience written by someone who is not hoh (read as āplease tell me if Iām doing something wrongā); Non White Sides;
Trigger Warning: Nudity (without sexual content or genitalia description), Snake mention, Amatonormativity (the characther is not actually arophobic, he just doesnāt know Patton is aromantic) (Tell me if I forgot to tag something)
Disclaimer: I couldnāt find a hand sign forĀ āvitiligoā other than actually spelling it to make as Deceitās sign name so his sign name in this story might not be so good. If you have any other suggestion for his sign name and explain how to sign it Iāll really appreciate it!
āDon't you want somebody to never let you go?
Knowing someone's body better than your own
Don't you want a family with a white picket fence?
Tell me when's the wedding, the names of all your kidsā Will Jay ā Never Been in Love
Being alone at home was always one of the best things that could happen for Patton.
Not because he doesnāt like his family but because he enjoys the freedom of being alone. And this time, the house would be all his for the whole day. His parents were taking his brother to see if they could fix his hearing-aid or buy him another one. And after that they would take him for a sleepover at the twins house and go out to celebrate their marriage birthday. It was simply P E R F E C T.
Patton noticed his brother walking in the room and sitting on the sofa in front of him while their parents were going back and forth taking everything they need. He knew what that meant. Thatās usually what they do when they want to talk privately. Patton paused his music player and left the cellphone behind.
- Sorry about your hearing aid, D - he signed with a sad face.
The last sign made him sulk
- I adore when you call me like this - he said rolling his eyes when pointing his index and middle finger to the side and touching his heart so Patt would know he was being sarcastic. He giggled.
- Ok, can you teach me the s-n-a-k-e sign again, please?
D made a two with his fingers, pointing to Patton, brought his hand to his chin then lowered it with a zig-zag movement like a snake moving. He repeated the movement but instead of a two he rised his index finger and touched the other ones together forming a ādā with his hand.
He gave him the thumbs up. Dās love for snakes made him really happy for being given this sign.
- Donāt worry about my hearing aid - he showed his broken aid, hand painted as a snake ā Iāll paint a new one if we canāt fix it
- What are you doing with this one then?
He shrugged then placed his index and thumb together under his nose and slid it on his upper lip before crossing his fingers. āMustacheā followed by āRā.
The sign he gave to one of the twins.
- Remus asked if I can give it to him if we canāt fix. Maybe he wants to open it? I donāt know
Patton smiled and gave him a malicious face.
- You will be cuddling with your boyfriend!
- Remus is not my boyfriend! - he sulked while grunting.
Patton tried not giggling too loud, since D could still hear something from his right ear.
- Ok, heās your crush. I hope youāll have fun
He rolled his eyes but didnāt say anything else to defend himself.
- Youāre lucky you donāt have a crush. Iāll make your life a living hell when you do!
Patt snorted.
- Good luck
Ā āā¦ with thatā he meant.
Ā āI'm not missing someone that I've never met
Maybe a little scared, still I don't careā Will Jay ā Never Been in Love
Patton took some of his clothes off having just a baby blue long T-shirt covering his brown-skinned body, feeling the wind from the open window run through him. He spinned around the room and laid down to the sofa, grabbing his phone and scrolling to see if there were any new messages for him.
Roman (7:01 AM): Good morning~ Who is ready for today?
Virgil (7:02 AM): Ro, itās 7 in the fucking morning
Virgil (7:02 AM): Lemme sleep
Roman (7:02 AM): Iām sorry, lil sunshine
Roman (7:03 AM): But if you actually were sleeping you wouldnāt be answering it!
Virgil (7:05 AM): Ooooor maybe I WAS sleeping but then a stupid bird sound woke me up!
Roman (7:05 AM): Not my fault if you sleep with your phone glued to your face!
Logan (7:05 AM): Can you stop bickering this early in the morning?
Logan (7:05 AM): Weāll be ready when the time comes, Roman. No need to rush.
Roman (7:07 AM): Oh my lovely nerd
Roman (7:07 AM): I meant to ask if you were excited
Roman (7:07 AM): Not if you were literally ready.
Roman (7:08 AM): The movie is only at 7 PM
Virgil (7:08 AM): Iām extremely excited, your highness
Virgil (7:09 AM): Now would you please stop texting here and let me sleep?
Roman (7:09 AM): As you wish, my love <3
Virgil (7:10 AM): -_- <3
Virgil (10:23 AM): Ok, now Iām up
Patton (10:30 AM): Good morning, my dears ^_^ <3
Patton (10:30 AM): Are you going to the movies today?
Virgil (10:33 AM): Sup, Patt
Virgil (10:35 AM): Yeahā¦ I kinda won 3 movie ticketsā¦
Virgil (10:35 AM): Weād call you but the movie isnāt really your type
Virgil (10:36 AM): Iām so sorry, Patt :( I didnāt mean to exclude you or anythingā¦
Patton (10:36 AM): No no! I didnāt feel like this at all, love!
Patton (10:37 AM): Send me pictures of you once you meet, I wanna see your pretty faces <3 <3
Virgil (10:38 AM): Are you sure? :/
Roman (10:39 AM): Patt, youāre just as important as any of us. We donāt want to make you feel like a third wheel.
Logan (10:39 AM): Just because youāre not involved with us romantically that doesnāt make our platonic feelings for you less important.
Virgil (10:40 AM): Just tell us if something is bothering you, ok?
Roman (10:40 AM): Yes, if you want we can try to see each other earlier so even if you donāt go to the movie we can at least see each other
Logan (10:40 AM): Yes, weād gladly do this for you
Pattonās smile got wider. He was being sincere when he said he wasnāt feeling excluded and he knew how genuine that invitation was because they all genuinely loved him as much as he did and in the same way he did.
As strong as everything he could feel.
They were the friends he never wanted to miss, they were the people he could always count for and know theyād do anything to help him just like heād do anything for them and they didnāt need to be in love with each other for it.
Patton (10:43 AM): Youāre amazing, loves <3 But really Iām not feeling like going anywhere today. D went out with our parents and Iāll be alone the whole day, I think Iāll spend this time with myself here at home ^_^ But I appreciate it, really. I love you so much ;u; <3
Roman (10:43 AM): Anything for you, my dear! Enjoy your day!
Virgil (10:43 AM): We love you, ok? Weāll make sure to include you next time.
Virgil (10:43 AM): Promise
Logan (10:44 AM): Tell us if you need something or change your mind
Patton (10:44 AM): I love you too <3 Donāt worry
Patton swiped the chat group off and searched for something to listen while baking some cookies
āI know exactly what I want and who I wanna be.
I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine
Iām now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecyā Marina and the Diamonds - Oh No!
Patton was mouthing the lyrics while scooping the cookie dough. His shoulders wiggling with the songās catchy rhythm as he felt every beat controlling his body.
Patton didnāt really listen to Marina and the Diamonds so often but Roman successfully made him addicted to this song. Last time he came to sleepover they danced together the whole night and without noticing they were practically lip-synching this song, which was so amazing and powerful that Patton never left this rush go.
He turned the stove on, started the chronometer and just left the music flowing through his body
Patton twirled off the kitchen, the wind following his movements filling his legs with a chilling sensation that would only make his movements more and more powerful.
He was throwing his head back with his eyes closed, shaking it so hard that Patton could feel the curls of his hair touching his cheeks making him smile as bright as the sun.
Thatās what he likes the most about being alone. As long as nobody could see he could be as cheerful, loud and expressive as he wants without any judgement. He could manage to make his entire body feel happiness and express it in itās own way.
He could shake his as weird and as careless he wanted.
His thoughts were cut off by a loud ringing.
- Oops! Almost forgot my cookies!
Ā āOh yeah
I'm tired of falling
Oh yeah
For someone else's story
'Cause he gets the girl and I get ticket stubs
I guess it's time to write my own personal version of loveā Will Jay ā Version of Love
Patton (6:34 PM): Hey, Dee! Are you already at Remus and Romanās house?
DD (6:40 PM): Hey there. Yeah, weāre watching the Saw movie for the 4th time this year -_-
Patton (6:40 PM): Wowā¦
Patton (6:41 PM): Why you never tell him you donāt like this movie?
DD (6:42 PM): No one likes to hear him beaming about the deaths and all the gore stuff.
DD (6:42 PM): And itās funny to hear him laughing when that woman tries to reach the keys and ends up trapped
Patton (6:44 PM): Awwwww
Patton (6:45 PM): Itās cute that you do that just to see him happy
DD (6:50 PM): -___-
DD (6:51 PM): If you wanna see it this way
DD (6:55 PM): At least the movie donāt make me feel uncomfortable so itās more bearable
Patton (6:56 PM): Yup
DD (7:00 PM): Hey, Patton
Patton (7:01 PM): Yes?
DD (7:02 PM): I think Iāll try to tell him tonight
Patton (7:05 PM): Tell what?
DD (7:02 PM): Donāt worry, Iām hidden in the bathroom. Heās not seeing our messages.
Patton (7:03 PM): Oh, ok!
Patton (7:04 PM): Well, good luck! ^^ Iām pretty sure things will turn out fine
DD (7:05 PM): Iām not worried about it
Patton (7:05 PM): Pfff
Patton (7:05 PM): Sure ;)
DD (7:06 PM): urgh
DD (7:07 PM): You should tell Roman too
Patton sighed. There we go again.
Patton (7:07 PM): D, I told you before. Iām not in love with Romanā¦
Patton (7:08 PM): He is my best friend, just like Logan and Virgil.
DD (7:08 PM): Well, I never said you were not in love with them TOO
DD (7:09 PM): Look
DD (7:10 PM): I know talking to mom and dad will be hard
DD (7:11 PM): It is hard for me too
DD (7:11 PM): But you donāt have to talk to them if you donāt want to
DD (7:12 PM): None of us have
DD (7:13 PM): Iāve always hid my relationships very well, and you know that
DD (7:13 PM): I can help you so they won't find anything out too
DD (7:14 PM): Orā¦ Idk, protect you if they react badly about it
DD (7:14 PM): Just know that Iām on your side, ok?
DD (7:14 PM): Iāll never judge you for being who you really are
DD (7:14 PM): And polyamorous relationships usually go great
Patton didnāt know how to answer. It wasnāt the first time they talked about it.
No matter how many times Patton would say heās not interested in anyone, D would try to say that heās in love with Roman or one of his boyfriends.
Or act like he will be in love with someone someday.
But Patton highly doubted that and was pretty fine with it
Patton (7:15 PM): I know, D
Patton (7:15 PM): I love you
DD (7:16 PM): I need to go back now, Iāll talk to you tomorrow
Patton (7:16 PM): Good luck!
He never told his brother about being aromantic and all this talk actually makes him less inclined to do so. He knew he means well despite everything, so Patton never felt like yelling or fighting with him for insisting on it.
But at the same timeā¦
He was so DONE.
It was already difficult for him to find out who he really is.
It was already a huge pain to see that the fact that he doesnāt feel OK with the idea of being romantically attached to someone. That this whole thing actually makes him feel sadder, empty and chained just by the simple thought of it because āthatās what everyone needs to feelā.
It was already difficult for him to see how he can explain his relationship with Logan, Virgil and Roman.
Yes, they were made for each other.
No, he never wants them to go away.
Yes, he loves them A LOT.
But his love was not romantic.
His 3 partners were dating each other romantically but they all see Patton as someone just as important in their lives, even if they donāt see him as a boyfriend.
When they found out about Queerplatonic Relationships it was like big realization and a good way to include Patton in their lives that was not just a simply āheās my best friendā.
And that makes him so happy, special and wanted he didnāt need or wished anything else.
But it was almost like the whole world was revolved in romance and that was the only way for anyone to find happiness. Like not having a romantic partner meant youād be āalone foreverā as if that was the worst thing ever.
Patton was not alone.
Patton was not unhappy.
Patton was not repressing feelings anymore.
Patton was free. Patton was Patton.
And that was everything he needed.
Why wouldnāt anyone get this? Why was everyone so fixated on it? Why-
- No! ā Patton murmured before eating one last cookie and getting up from the sofa and turning his TV off ā Iām not letting this ruin my day. Iām gonna take a shower.
āAm I vital
If my heart is idle?
Am I doomed?
ā¦
If lovelessness is godlessness
Will you cast me to the wayside?ā Moses Sumney - Doomed
Ok, maybe choosing this album to listen while taking a shower wasnāt a very uplifting choice. Not that his songs are bad. But they were not the type of songs for you to feel good, itās more like a song to give you a relatable feeling. Something might make you say āyes, thatās what happens to me".
But the shower did gave him some good, since the cold water mixed with Mosesās voice echoing through the walls were relaxing and almost swooning, like meditating. Logan taught him how to fixate his thoughts in one single thing until he could slowly focus on the sensations of his surroundings and Patton particularly enjoyed doing this in the shower.
Patton threw his naked body in the bed and turned to see his own reflection in the mirror close to it.
He stared at his freckles, covering his entire brown body, and smiled as he remembered how Virgil made a small comment about how much he likes it because as a child he used to look at people with freckles and try to form constellations with them and it was like they have a little piece of the sky with them. That was the best ānon-intentionallyā cute comment he ever made.
He sat on the side of his bed and stared the mirror, giving more attention to his own details. He looked through his whole āgalaxy bodyā passing some of his fingers through them, mentally picturing the whole sky moving around it. He never knew why but sometimes imagining things like this made him feel so good and at least for a second forget about everything else.
- Letās see this galaxy dance.
He picked up his phone, chose the first song that came with shuffle mode and got up.
āYou're vulnerable, you're vulnerable
You are not a robot
You're lovable, so lovable
But you're just troubledā Marina and the Diamonds ā I Am Not a Robot
This time he danced slowly and with his eyes closed.
His arms embracing his body and his movements had no shape or choreography.
It was just free and random.
Pattonās hands were running through his arms gently, like a self-cuddle, having this short moment to love himself.
He was moving his shoulders inclined his head behind and instead of just mouthing the lyrics, Patton allowed himself to actually sing.
He definitely was not.
He was a human being.
A lovely human being.
āIt's okay to say you've got a weak spot
You don't always have to be on top
Better to be hated
Than loved loved loved for what your notā
Later that night, now completely undercovers and almost ready to sleep, he received a photo from the chat group of Roman, Virgil and Logan in the cafeteria after watching their movie.
The image of the latino man and the black goth kissing each side of the ginger haired nerd made Patton smile fondly.
Patton (11:12 PM): Omg, you all look so adorable <3
Patton (11:12 PM): Iām happy you enjoyed your movie :3
Virgil (11:14 PM): Yeah, it was really cool
Virgil (11:15 PM): Logan and Roman wouldnāt stop geeking around it after the movie, they almost didnāt finished their meal
Roman (11:16 PM): Oh, come on! There were many things to think about after that
Virgil (11:17 PM): Iām not complaining, charming prince. It was cute seeing you theorizing things.
Roman (11:17 PM): UwU
Roman (11:20 PM): But hey! I guess we were not the only one who had a good movie night Ā¬uĀ¬~
Roman sent a picture of his twin, laying on the living roomās couch, sleeping with his mouth open and his eyes slightly allowing to see his sclera as a short man with a small vitiligo around his left eye was sleeping on him with this arms embracing the rat man. Patton cooed upon the vision of his brother in such a lovely state.
Roman (11:22 PM): @Patton Morales blackmail? >:)
Patton (11:23 PM): Pffff come on, Roman. We both know none of us would do this xD
Roman (11:23 PM): Urgh, yeah you rightā¦
Roman (11:23 PM): Ah to be a poor honest man, who loves his brother too much
Roman (11:23 PM): Ćŗ-Ć¹
Virgil (11:25 PM): Say this for yourselves, I have no sympathy for those dirty little sinners
Roman (11:25 PM): omg VIRGIL!
Virgil (11:26 PM): Urrrrrrgh alright alright, Iām the one whoās not allowed to be a jerk. Sorry.
Roman (11:27 PM): Iām afraid some sins shall not be forgiven, sweet puddingā¦ Ćŗ-Ć¹
Virgil (11:27 PM): Tsc, fuck you then. I want my Nightmare Before Christmas DVDs back
Patton (11:27 PM): Omg, dears. Not this late at night xD
Virgil (11:28 PM): lol ok, Patt. Donāt worry, I was just kidding
Virgil (11:28 PM): I highly support your brothers
Virgil (11:29 PM): I love you all
Roman (11:29 PM): I love you too, storm cloud <3
Patton finished to curl up on his bed, hugging one of his pillows like a teddy bear and smiled to the phone screen with his lovely partners texts
Patton (11:30 PM): Hey, loves?
Virgil (11:30 PM): Yeah?
Roman (11:31 PM): Yes, Patton?
Patton (11:32 PM): I know this will sound random butā¦ Thank you
Patton (11:32 PM): Thank you for being with me for so long
Patton (11:32 PM): Thank you for accepting and understanding me
Patton (11:33 PM): Thank you for being so kind and so nice and for having me in your lifes
Patton (11:33 PM): Having you as my partners was the best thing that ever happened to me and I donāt know how Iād be able to live without any of you
Patton (11:34 PM): I just have a lot of feelings hehe
Patton (11:34 PM): Anywayā¦ Thatās it. Iām going to sleep now but I had to say it.
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Oh, btw! Even if I donāt post my Aro!Patton in time for the Aro Awareness Week (16th ~ 22th February) I am reblogging (or probably queueing) some Aro!Sides fics that I might enjoy EXTRA LOVE IF THERE IS ANY QUEERPLATONIC RELATIONSHIP INVOLVED <3
So if any of you has any aro!sides fic to recommend me please send it to me, Iāll be extremely happy! I donāt think I care about which side it is or if itās filled with angst and sadness, or if itās just a whole bunch of fluff or if they are allosexuals (actually, allosexuals and aros are super cool too) I just want to see some cute sides being aro and pride for this week * - *
Edit: Please, avoid sending things with Unsympathetic Sides, I don't want any of them to be villified or something like that
