#aplspec vent

aplatonicy and trauma

we are collectively aplatonic-spec. its a part of our collective aspec identity overall. and, from what we remember, was purely caused by our trauma surrounding platonic relationships.

time and time again, platonic relationships have hurt each and every one of us in some way, whether directly or indirectly. once they see we're broken, they lose interest and dont want to play with us anymore.

all of us are aplatonic-spec in some way. some completely aplatspec, some seemingly alloplatonic and dont identify with aplatspec at all.

we have grown to be extremely cautious when forming platonic relationships. out of fear that our heart pump will be smashed into a million pieces once more. time and time again, countless disappointments, pain, unnecessary, avoidable ends.

we are unlikeable, annoying, self-absorbed, broken. sorry, not our fault all the people in our lives came up to us with metal bats and promised not to smash us with it.

but heres the thing. we wont leave you. we understand how it feels. we unwillingly self punish and cant let go. you will have to pry us off like a disgusting leech.

eventually we learned to just accept it. thats whats going to happen. enjoy it while it lasts. if they can move on and replace us so easily, why cant we do the same in return?

its hard to let go when youve had nothing but devoted loyalty for a person. we've had more people abandon and leave us than try to put forth the effort to share a platonic relationship with us. we cannot guarantee it if you tell us, "this time it'll be different". we cannot guarantee if someone will stay or leave.