#antijokes

Gryffindor: How do you make a plumber sad?

You kill his family

Hufflepuff: WHAT

Ravenclaw: A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender says, “why the long face?”

“my wife has terminal cancer”

Hufflepuff: EXCUSE ME

Slytherin: What’s worse than biting into an apple with a worm in it?

The holocaust

so there was this kid one day in library class, he forgot his book so he asked his teacher what to do. his teacher told him to just read the dictionary. so he's looking through all the words, seeing common definitions and shit. he eventually finds a word without a definition, so he asks his teacher. the teachers like "hmm, thats weird, whats the word?" and the kid says "snuffleupagus" immediately, the teacher kicks him out of class saying "i can't belive youd say such things in this classroom" and sends him to the principals office.

in the principals office the receptionist sees him and says "yknow, this is really out of character for you, why were you sent here" and the kid  goes "weelll, i was in class and forgot my book, so the teacher told me to read the dictionary, and i found a word that didnt have a defintion, so i told her the word and she sent me here" and the receptionist replies "thats strange, what was the word?" and the kid says "snuffleupagus" immediately the receptionist forces him into the principals office, saying to immediately expel him for saying such things. so now the kid is freaking out in the principals office, and the prinicpal is trying to calm him down. he asks "what happened?" and the kid replied "weeeeellllll, i was in class and forgot my book, so the teacher made me read the dictionary , then i found a word without a definition and i asked her what it was. she asked me the word and i told her and she kicked me out of class. then the receptionist asked me the word and she sent me in here" the prinicpal says "thats... odd, whats the word?" and the kid is like "weeeeelllll, i dont know if i want to tell you, everyone kinda freaks out when i say it" and the principal is like "no, you can trust me!" so the kid is like "okay, the word is snuffleupagus" immediately, the principal calls the kids parents and expels him from the school

so now the kid is going home with his parents, hes all crying and sobbing. about 10 minutes away from home the dad asks "yknow son, this is really unusual for you. whyd you get expelled?" and the kid is says "weeeeeeeelllllll, i was in class and forgot my book, so the teacher made me read the dictionary. i found a word without a definition so i asked her what it was. when i said the word she kicked me out of class and sent me to the principals office. when i was in there the receptionist asked what the word was and i told her and she immediately send me into the principals office. when i was in there he asked the word and i told him and he expelled me from school" the dad was like, thats unusual, whats the word? the kid replies "weeellll, i dont know if i wanna tell you" the dad says "kid, im your dad, you dont have to worry, you can trust me" so the kid tells him the word is snuffuleupagus immediately, the dad kicks him out of the car and says "youre no longer welcome in this family” and drives off 

so now the kid is wandering the streets, he has nowhere to go or to stay. no friends, and now no family. its about 4am and a cop sees him walking around and so he asks the kid what happened. the kid replies "weeeelllll, i was in class and forgot my book so the teacher told me to read the dictionary. i was reading it and found a word with no definition, so i asked the teacher what it was. i told her the word and she kicked me out of class into the principals office. in there the receptionist asked what the word was and she forced me into the principals office. the principal then asked what the word was and he expelled me from school, then my dad asked me what the word was and he kicked me out of the family" the cop is like, "hmm thats strange, what was the word if you dont mind me asking?" and the kid says "weeeelll, i dont know if i wanna tell you, everyone kinda freaks out when i say it" and the cop is like, "kid im a cop, you can trust me" so the kid tells him the word is snuffleupagus. immediatlley the cop arrests the kid and sends him to jail

now the kid is on trial, hes appeared in front of a judge and the judge is all confused. "youre only like, 14 he asks, why are you here" and the kid replied "weeeeeeeeeeellllllllllll,  i was in class and forgot my book so the teacher told me to read the dictionary. i was reading it and found a word with no definition, so i asked the teacher what it was. i told her the word and she kicked me out of class into the principals office. in there the receptionist asked what the word was and she forced me into the principals office. the principal then asked what the word was and he expelled me from school, then my dad asked me what the word was and he kicked me out of the family, and then a cop asked me what the word was and he arrested me" and the judge is like "thats... really strange.... what was the word if you dont mind me asking? and the kid replies "snuffleupagus" immediately, the judge sentences him to 30 years in prison, stating "that type of language will not be tolerated in this courtroom"

30 years pass. the kid is now on the street, homeless, no highschool, no marketable skills. so hes just wandering around and he meets a homeless man, the homeless man starts talking to him and asks him about his life story. the kid is like "you'll never believe it", the homeless man is like "start talking." so the kid says "weeeeellllll, one day i was in class and forgot my book so the teacher told me to read the dictionary. i was reading it and found a word with no definition, so i asked the teacher what it was. i told her the word and she kicked me out of class into the principals office. in there the receptionist asked what the word was and she forced me into the principals office. the principal then asked what the word was and he expelled me from school, then my dad asked me what the word was and he kicked me out of the family, and then a cop asked me what the word was and he arrested me. then i went to court and the judge asked me what the word was and he sentenced me to 30 years in jail" 

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Do you know what happens if you, in the warmest day of the summer, run into your backyard, jump onto your trampoline and after jumping two times you throw yourself in a swimingpoll in a 36° angle?