#anaroyality

Virgil had a problem. It was a particular type of problem. Normally particular types of problems were less of a problem since each of them were conveniently tailored to particular types of problems, but the particular type of problem he was having was particularly about the particular sides that would handle these kinds of particular problems. That is to say, he needed help and asking for it from the sides who had the expertise was a no-go.

So what was this problem he had? Well the problem was he had a crush, though maybe that was too soft of a word. He was quite likely head over heels in love, though very much being crushed by it. And who was he in love with? Roman of course.

So why was this a problem? Well for starters being in love is embarrassing and quite likely to end in heartbreak regardless of whether you mess up your relationship forever, plus he didn’t even know if that was particularly what he was feeling and he had no way to figure that out on his own.

So why didn’t he ask the resident feelings expert? Well that was the main problem. The resident feelings expert, aka his best friend, just happened to be already dating Roman. So… you know. That was a situation. Honestly, Virgil would rather just let his heart wither away until he cared for nothing and no one rather than even think about getting in between the two of them.

The only problem- well besides all of the other problems- was that his heart refused to wither! He couldn’t stop the fondness that arose when Roman inevitably did something stupid, or the ache when he swept Patton off his feet. He wanted both of them to be happy! So he’d just have to deal and hope Janus didn’t pick up on it. He’d never been that lucky though.

“I don’t know what it is, but I know you won’t talk to me about it, so talk to someone. Normally I would think this is incredibly amusing, but I’ve got a lot going on right now and whatever this is, isn’t helping.” “Gee, thanks. Love you, too.” Virgil rolled his eyes. “Don’t. I know you can’t wrap your head around the fact that I do care about you, but until you can, I am begging you to talk to someone else.” “Or what?” Janus scoffed. “What do you think?” “... Fine.”

Virgil had intended to take his sweet time talking to ‘someone else’, though there was really only one option, but that ‘someone else’ came to him first.

“Salutations, Virgil.” “What’s up, Lo?” “I have noticed that something seems to be troubling you as of late. Would you care to talk about it?” Virgil glanced around the common room. No one there at the moment, but that could change at any second. “Your room?” “As you wish.”

Logan’s room was always a comfort to Virgil. Thinking logically was pretty much the antithesis to anxiety, though as with anything, it could be taken too far.

Once they were settled, Virgil lounging on Logan’s bed, and Logan sitting in his desk chair patiently, Virgil suddenly felt nervous despite the room’s calming effects.

“Would it help if I stated what I’ve noticed?” Logan asked. “... Yeah. I think it would.” “Alright, then. I’ve noticed that you seem most bothered when Roman and Patton are engaging in public displays of affection.”

Virgil looked at Logan, a bit surprised. Had he really been that obvious?

“I don’t believe they’ve noticed, since they tend to be caught up in each other during these moments. I’ve also noticed that you are declining Roman’s offers of shared company more frequently. More recently you’ve started declining Patton’s requests as well.” Virgil groaned. “If you’ve noticed that much I don’t know what else there is to say. I’m a horrible friend-” “You are not a horrible friend. You are allowed to set boundaries if something is making you uncomfortable. There are a lot of people who are not fond of PDA or hearing about their friends’ romance all the time.” “I don’t actually have a problem with those things.” “... Then I am at a loss.” “I think I’m in love with Roman.” “Oh…”

Logan got into his thinking position so Virgil started rambling about everything he knew about the situation in case Logan was listening, but also to fill the silence so that it didn’t become unbearable.

“I believe I have a solution,” Logan graciously interrupted. “Really?”

While usually Virgil was hesitant to engage with hopefulness, Logic’s influence helped him decide that Logan usually had pretty good ideas, even if they were a little out of touch when it came to emotional issues. It would at least be something they could build off of.

All of a sudden, Logan started flipping through drawers, looking for something that Virgil figured would be helpful to whatever plan Logan was cooking up. Soon enough, because Logan was a very organized person, he held something up, triumphant. A… flashcard.

“Roman,” Logan started before flipping around his flashcard, “has two hands.”

Virgil froze. He ceased all function, including breathing. There were no words. There were no emotions. He was in shock. And then he was laughing. Laughing with his whole body and nearly falling off the bed.

“Logan, have I ever told you how much I love you?” “Oh. Um, well, that is, I-,” he cleared his throat. “I love you, too.” “Yeah. He really does. Two whole hands! Alright, I’m going to go come up with worst case scenarios regarding that for a little bit. Thanks for the help.” “That doesn’t feel like I helped.” “Oh, no, trust me, this is a game changer,” Virgil was still half laughing. “If you’re sure? Though I do not believe catastrophizing on purpose is the best course of action, nor one that you should take.” “It’s part of the process, Specs. you know how Roman always says you have to trust the process and he’s right about that 75% of the time?” “I don’t see how that’s applicable in this context-” “By the way, can I borrow that flashcard?” “I don’t see why not, but-” “Shhh, the process, Lo. Trust the process.” Logan gave him a dubious look. “Very well, but if you don’t come down for dinner tonight, I’m coming to you.”

Virgil gave a two finger salute and sunk out. Sure. Princey’s got two hands. What could possibly go wrong besides everything?

All through dinner that night Logan had been giving him looks to the point that even the love birds noticed.

“Enough is enough-” Roman started. “Very astute,” Logan interrupted. “Logan!” Patton admonished. Virgil just snorted. Roman huffed. “What I’m trying to say is that something strange is going on around here and I would like to know what!” “I’d argue that something strange is always going on around here,” Virgil said. “That’s because you just like to argue.” “Roman…” Patton tried to scold. Virgil shrugged in response. “You know I have a thing about people keeping secrets from me.”

Virgil sighed. Yeah, he did know. At least he had already decided the worst thing that could happen was neither of them speaking to him ever again. It wasn’t the worst scenario he’d come up with by a long shot, but for all his worst cases, even he couldn’t imagine Patton or Roman being so cruel.

“So let’s say you thought you were in love with someone-”

Virgil was promptly interrupted by Roman’s “Oooooh!” and Patton’s squeal.

“Right, so let's say that. But the person you thought you were in love with was already dating someone who happens to be your best friend. Thoughts?” “I didn’t know Logan felt that way. Is it Janus or Remus?” “Wh-What?! I can assure you I feel no such emotion towards anyone.” “And your blush makes that statement very believable.” Logan glared at Roman. “At any rate, I’m not the one with the problem. If and when I decide to do something so frivolous as falling in love, I will simply be honest about it with the relevant parties.” “... So if it’s not you, then… That would leave…” “Oh, c’mon, Princey. It’s not that hard.”

Roman looked at him like he was seeing Virgil for the first time, eyes wide, lips parted. The expression made Virgil’s traitorous black heart do a little flip. After only a moment, that same face caused his heart to cease gymnastics and instead sink to his stomach when those lips became a frown and those eyes were slightly squinted.

“So you’re in love with… ?” “Potentially in love with.” “Right, but with who?” “It- It seriously cannot be that hard.”

Virgil looked to Logan for help, but it seemed he was busy re-evaluating his world view.

“Well I think it’s pretty obvious,” Patton finally spoke up. “Yeah?” Virgil was equal parts filled with hope and dread. Patton smiled at him and then at Roman. “Well when we think about the facts, it’s not too hard, right Ro?” “I’m not following.” “Who’s Vrigil’s best friend?” “Well that would be you, of course, but that would mean…” “That would mean?” “I just… What do we do about that?” “Oh… Right…” “Wait, I’ve got this.” Virgil announced. He began rooting around his pockets, trying to find the one item he needed. He really needed to stop keeping so much random junk in them “Aha! You,” he pointed at Roman and turned the card around, “have two hands.” “I have two hands… I have two hands! That is, if we’re all ok with that arrangement.” “Oh, that would be so fun!” Patton decided. “I wouldn’t have brought it up if I wasn’t.” “Fantastic! By the way, is Logan ok over there?” “He’s just working through something. He’ll be fine. Probably. Right, Lo?” “Hmm? Sure, sure. But if that were the case, then…” “Then from this point forward, my dark and stormy knight shall be my right hand arm man and my heart shall be my silly rabbit.” “Actually, I take it back. I’m quitting the polycule.” “Wait, no, you can be the silly rabbit if you want!” “... That wasn’t the issue, but ok,” Virgil giggled.

Roman and Patton gasped in clear delight.

“What? What is it?” “You’re purple!” Patton exclaimed. “It is always a treat to see you happy.”

Virgil’s previous blush of embarrassment turned a shade darker at the fond smile now gracing Roman’s face.

“So, um, I mean I guess it’s obvious based on your reaction, but it would make me feel better to address it, you have feelings for me, too? Like, romantic ones?” Roman blushed and turned away. “I mean it’s not like I haven’t been flirting with you since forever. Then it just kind of became our dynamic. I had always assumed it was just one of those things that wasn’t meant to happen. And when Patton and I found out we felt the same way about each other, I just assumed my feelings for you would fade. But they didn’t.” “Oh. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.” Virgil nodded like this wasn’t revolutionary knowledge for him. “This is honestly kind of better than having you to myself, to be honest.” “Why is that?” “Patton and I have something extra to gossip about now.”

Patton laughed while Roman made his trademark offended sounds.

“That’s it, I’m kicking you out of the polycule.” “I literally already quit. And I’m taking Patton in the divorce. “What?! You can’t take Patton! Plus, we can’t get divorced if we were never married.” “Well then we should get married.” “Just so that you can take Patton in the divorce?!” “Pretty much.” “Ridiculous. I can’t believe this. Patton, make him be nice to me.” Neither of them saw Patton roll his eyes fondly. “Aw, don’t pout, Princey. You’d get visiting rights.” “Now, now, boys. How about we go on a nice date in the imagination? Maybe we can talk a little more about it all so none of us have to get nervous when new situations pop up?”

That was Patton thinking of him. It was sweet. He’d really missed his best friend. It was his own fault, but still.