#aimseynitw

Spoilers from here on.

The way the mei talked about the character going from people to her to just shapes and how trees and even people. She had to escape her mind what interesting is j really have no way of telling why this “snap” happens to her. Because a or ding ti everything she had a “good life”

But one thing I’ve learned is even a good happy family can breed trauma that looks normal.

I've never actually seen The Proximity Scene™ until today's stream. And I didn't know it would be pertinent to myself that,

I grew up in the smallest little town where you know everybody and all my friends I had since I was born and now I've moved all the way across the second largest country in the world to pursue something I kind of hate now because I built it up in my head so much when I was younger that I'm really just pulling myself along because I have to so I'm...not a disappointment?

And I don't talk to anybody from home anymore really. My best friend since we were both 4 got engaged last year and I spoke to her maybe 5 or 6 times the entire year before then. And she was the only person I saw over my winter break because I asked because it felt...wrong not seeing any of them. And I kinda hate it because it feels like I'm turning into a different person. But I know I'm not. I'm just finally able to act like myself for the first time in a lot of years.

Now, I have amazing friends that actually like me. It's not just the proximity that's made us friends. They chose me. And we play dnd together and go to concerts and talk about the books and shows and hobbies we both like.

And I really hate that you made me cry, but I really love that you put everything I've been feeling since even before I graduated secondary school into words. 'cause I think I can start to heal the little kid that was always lonely when school was over.

I guess proximity does count for something right now,

todays stream was so much but like in the way so much really interesting shit happened, unsurprisingly i still really wanna talk about the proximity part because, bea and mae mean so much to me and i genuinely find their dynamic is so so interesting, like i dont doubt they came together from proximity, and nevertheless it shows they didnt really keep contact (i think) from college, but seeing them all now full blown adults instead of being the same people they were before mae left for college is so!!! like it shows mae hasnt changed but bea has massively, and i really like that about their dynamic, people living at completely different other sides of spectrum and yet somehow alike if that makes sense? bea's became such a defensive person because of the shit shes gone through and HASNT been able to go through, being able to feel so trapped because everything is practically out of her hands, unlike mae who was able to continue college but didnt, (still dont know why tbf) she felt like she had to be the one to change the fact none of her family went to college, like she was supposed to be the special one but just couldnt(?) do it, and maes fight w her mom like shows how important it was for her family rather than to herself, it was more of like a chance to finally break the chain than anything else it felt like, and i think thats where mae feels trapped? being in a box where everyone has already decided what route YOU should go through, being told to do this because others couldnt do it, and when you cant fufill that role theyre all upset at you, being trapped in a box where making your decisions always somehow put you in a bad spot, or make others upset at you because of the same exact core reason, .

That’s so real.

I did scout as a kid and I don’t even know what they do now about.

It is bitter sweet. It hurt to realize the only true reason was because we met in the same building.