#agent l

Perchance to Dream

Like a cat, he scooted over until he found a patch of sun and turned his face toward the brightness, closing his eyes with a little smile of pure pleasure. She almost expected to hear him purr.

"Call if you need anything."

"Mmm hmm," he replied, already half-asleep. As she pulled the door partway closed, she marveled that this was the same man who had previously existed on two hours of rest a night.

But he wasn't the same man. No matter how desperately she wanted him to be, his experience had profoundly changed him physically and she would no doubt see other, more subtle changes in his personality as he recovered.

AU-- Post-Deadalive Mulder doesn't want to be hovered over (especially after burial nightmares.)

Duet

I put my hand over the gentle mound of my stomach.

He hasn't asked me about it yet, but he knows. I've seen the questions in his eyes, questions he is too afraid to ask, so he tells me knock-knock jokes instead.

AU-- Post Deadalive Mulder is crackin' jokes and coppin' feels.

Impasse (txt)

Mulder had always been obsessed with his search, single-minded and occasionally downright rude to anyone who dared question him or get in his way. But since he had come back to her, after those hazy hours in the hospital when he'd done little more than smile at her whenever he was awake, he'd been driven beyond reason. He was suspicious, paranoid, and seemed to care very little that he'd been given a second chance at life.

Or maybe he cared too much.

Three Words Scully and Mulder have a necessary conversation after the DOD raid.

2:00 A.M.

"I can't sleep. I've been asleep for three months. I don't want to lose any more time."

"Mulder, not that I'm not fascinated by what happened to you, and grateful you're back...but why aren't you talking to Scully about this?"

"I can't talk to Scully."

Post Three Words Frohike gets Mulder's head in the game.

Out of the Shadows

The siren screams through his restless sleep and he jerks upright like a puppet yanked by invisible strings, his own scream ripped from his throat in a human echo of the sound. For a moment he doesn't know where he is or who he is, lost in the suffocating cloak of darkness, still tangled in the suffocating folds of the nightmare. The sound of his own breathing rasps in his ears, uneven, half-sobbing as his lungs beg for air, more air, there's not enough air...Somehow he staggers to the window and throws it open, shivering as the early spring breeze dries the sweat on his skin.

His heart pounds against his chest as if trying to escape his body. His arms and legs tingle with the rush of adrenalin, his muscles trembling like a racehorse's just before the gate opens, awaiting the brain's command to run, to fight.

Post Three Words Mulder finally calls Dr. Karen Kosseff.

In the End

In the end, there wasn't a lot to show for all the years of hard work.

Post Vienen Mulder packs up his office, weary.

Opening Doors 02

"Mulder, what are you doing?"

"I'm looking for that alien head mug I gave you a couple of Christmases ago."

"Any particular reason? I have a lot of other mugs, if you want coffee."

"No, I just wanted to see if it was still here."

Alone Mulder and Scully discuss the keychain (and other domestic matters.)

ML’s (xffics)

Do You Know?

My body still feels like it's not quite my own to command. It's like a block of stone, or ice. When you touched me, I wanted to touch you back, but I couldn't summon the strength. I could barely move my fingers to let you know I was aware of your presence. My eyes felt weighted shut somehow, until I heard the sudden intake of your breath and I had to see your face, make sure this wasn't a dream. I had to make sure you knew you weren't dreaming, too, so of course the first words out of my mouth were a joke. Whatever They took from me, they left me my sick sense of humor. I would like to say something reassuring to you, but all I can muster is a small smile. I want to keep my eyes open and look at you, a sight I've been deprived of for far too long.

Post-Deadalive Scully tells Mulder in the hospital.

Found Faith and Lost Time

I give her a big smile as she catches my eye. "Hi, Mom," I greet her.

She looks a little crestfallen. "You KNOW? Did you know last night?" she asks me.

Skinner answers first. "I let it slip. I thought he already knew," he explains. "I'm sorry, Dana." He takes the box out of her hands.

He's calling her "Dana"? I'm no longer sorry I called him Walter.

AU-- Post-Deadalive Skinner breaks the news to a giddy Mulder.

Far Away, So Close

At first, he thinks it's stuff reclaimed from when his apartment was searched. He wonders how Scully got hold of it so fast. He hopes she didn't do what he would have done, such as swiping it out of evidence storage.

Upon closer inspection, though, he sees that all the dates are from after his abduction. He sifts through the piles, picking up an article about the Presidential election he missed, and a videotape entitled, "Subway Series, vol. 1." It looks to him like Scully has done her best to give him back his missing time.

Three Words Mulder begins to struggle post-resurrection after overhearing the doctors discussing his "death."

155 Words - Dermatology

It took only moments. The blemish was small. The scrapings went into a specimen case. I dabbed the small amount of blood welling at the site.

"All done?" he asked.

"Yes. I'll have the results back in a few days, but I can say with confidence that finding any abnormalities will be highly unlikely."

Post Three Words Mulder gets his mole scraped.

Betwixt and Between

"Scully?" he says again after several heartbeats.

"I'm here, Mulder," she whispers, as if speaking aloud might scare him away.

Several more heartbeats.

"I'm sorry I bothered you," she hears him say. His voice sounds rusty, unused to speaking.

"Mulder, it's okay," she says quickly. Don't hang up, she thinks. Please don't hang up.

"I just. I just wanted to hear your voice," he says.

Post Three Words Scully and Mulder are both afraid.

The Tease

I was still working, though Mulder and everyone else kept telling me it was time to stay home. But until I could see Mulder completely reinstated, I felt I couldn't go. Mulder was going in to work, checking out leads, and generally making a nuisance of himself in ways that couldn't possibly help him get the X-Files back. In other words, he was behaving pretty normally.

Except that his heart didn't really seem to be in it. He investigated promising leads, and tried to hector Agent Doggett into following up on them, but he didn't seem as keen on going out in the field as he once was.

Post-Empedocles Scully gives Mulder to slip back into her life, at his own pace.

Pattie's When You Call for Me in Your Sleep

The tests must have been excruciating. I can only see the scars that still linger from their procedures. My efforts to prevent the further damage that was growing inside you have left scars. But what are marks on the epidermis compared to the horrible memories etched into your mind and soul? Mere badges you have earned. Symbols that you did not join the deceivers.

Post-Deadalive Mulder and Scully struggle along.

@alldolleduppink-blog's Reditum

When he was exhumed and she saw evidence of his chest rising, he was dependent on breathing apparatus and there was no clear sign of when or that he would wake up at all. Perhaps, this is such a vivid dream it's convincing enough for her to believe that he's conscious and speaking. She's had those kinds of dreams before only to be tormented by the reality that he wasn't even there. He was lost and then dead. He was missing for months. The state of decomposition to his body indicated several days of exposure to the elements when he was found and he was discarded like trash in that desolate field.

Post Deadalive-Three Words Scully scrambles to unlock Mulder's "normal" side after his PTSD kicks in. 

@settle-down-frohike/settledownfrohike's

Sensory Integration (Tumblr)

He hasn’t told her this for fear she’d have kept him incarcerated, but he’s still fighting waves of nausea induced by the sensation of free fall every few minutes. His stomach rolls end over end, as if on the downslope of a rollercoaster. His feet still don’t feel as if they’ve touched ground, which is ironic for a man who was 6 feet under its surface not 36 hours ago. He feels suspended above this world, tethered only by the clinical tone of her voice as she catalogues his condition. It is the only thing that feels like home right now, and God, he wants to be home, he does, but he’s an apparition, a ghost of himself, floating along a tour of his own life like Ebenezer Scrooge.

Only people don’t talk directly to ghosts about their scars and miraculous healing and their perfect health. 

Three Words Mulder is a man puppeted by shredded adrenaline and automatic impulses.

Magneticus

“Mulder, aren’t we supposed to have a wedding ring for this?” And the unintended double meaning isn’t lost on him. He can tell Scully is regretting the phrase immediately by the fact that she’s now holding her breath.

“You can use a needle too, Scully. Hold still.” Her eyes follow his hand warily as it stretches towards her cheek. “OW!!” He comes away with a single amber stand and carefully threads the eye, double loops it and dangles above her swollen middle. They wait. She sighs heavily.

“Mulder…”

“You know this practice isn’t without scientific theory Scully.” His voice has taken on that nasal quality it tends to when he’s talking mostly to himself.

Post-Empedocles Mulder discovers the sex of his son.

Prompts (Short Reads) - Chapter 3

She can't bring herself to look at him.

….because she knows he’ll hate the answer. A fitful, heavy-breathing nightmare has him probing and she knows he’ll never let up. 

Post-The Truth Scully wakes from a nightmare.

FabulousMonster's It's Been Awhile

It's getting worse.

Any touch, any incidental contact overpowers me. I don't tell anyone. The only fear greater than my phobia is remaining in the hospital. I am desperate to reclaim my life, to plant my feet in the real world once again.

I tell myself that the X-Files and Scully need me.

The truth is *I* need to be needed again.

Post-Deadalive through post-Existence Mulder and Scully work through their traumas individually and together, alongside their allies and friends.

Innisfree's

Flicker

What does it take to break a man? How many times do you have to beat him before his spirit finally dies? How many days and nights can you treat him as an object before he begins to see himself as less than human? How many things can you take from him before what's left ceases to be enough?

He is considering, trying to fix upon the exact moment when he gave up.

Three Words Mulder is disgusted at his "ugliness."

Falter

"You're not gonna fit on this couch, Scully. So if you're planning on staying the night, you'd better take the bed."

He lifts his head to find her standing perfectly still by the television. She appears to him like a statue, every muscle that is visible in the dim light rigid and still. There is a glint in her eye, but he can't be sure if it's just a reflection, or if it's something more.

"They almost killed you tonight."

AU-- Post-Three Words Scully insists on having it out.

@scapegrace74-blog/scapegrace74's The Ocean Breathes Salty

The ocean breathes salty, Scully.

It sighs and gasps on these dark rocks until my face is painted with its tears and it’s the closest thing to grief that I’ve felt since my return from six feet under.   There’s a gritty layer of rust inside me as well; in my head, my heart, my soul. None of them work as they should.  The ancient Inca embalmed their dead with salt, you know.

Three Words Mulder feels like he's failed.

@frogsmulder/Brynstein's The Anchor that Floats

As soon as the door clicked closed behind Scully, his apartment suddenly felt simultaneously very big and very small. Like the walls were closing in around him, but the room felt empty, too large for only his presence, and he could feel the walls reel away from him, swamping him in his insignificance. The push and the pull of the walls battled with every inhale and exhale he made, like reality was warping. The reality he knew was different. Things had changed without him and still they continued to change, leaving him behind in the dirt. He blinked, and as soon as he did, he knew it was a mistake. The world turned to black like drowning in a deep sea. And then he was back there again, on the ship bright light and drilling instruments his only company. And then he was back in the room but not really. And then he blinked. And then the darkness.

AU-- Three Words Mulder runs after Scully into the hallway, panic attack in full swing.

Lolabeegood's (mulderscreek) The Silent Spaces

"Scully, I want you to expect more of me." He said as he leaned toward her.

"Mulder, you can want that until the cows come home but, you need to back up that desire with action and...and I don't think you're willing to do that."

"This baby is mine, yes?" He asked as he softly placed a hand on her belly.

"Yes," she said quietly.

Three Words Mulder feels safe enough to take his feelings out on Scully.

Shoshana's After Dinner

Leftovers had been refrigerated or disposed of as the case might dictate; all eating utensils, stemware, tableware either washed and put away or were being processed at that very moment. A comfortable silence had ruled for the last few minutes as she dunked and scrubbed and he dried and polished.

He could have left well enough alone. He could have waited, could have allowed her to tell all tomorrow, perhaps the next day. He couldn't.

Three Words Mulder and Scully share a bubble of domesticity.

David Stoddard-Hunt's

Zombies in a Newer Age

So, my working hypothesis is "zombie."

If so, all my prior notions about zombies are being shot to hell. I'm not hungry, even though I'm under doctors' orders to eat high protein to gain weight. I can't drink until I'm off the current course of anti-virals but, even then, I'm not really sure that I'll touch a drop. Dancing? Only to the real Elvis. And I'm not even going near the next part. On that score, my options seem to have been reduced from one to none during my absence.

Maybe I'm a zombie who doesn't have a lighter, gentler side.

Three Words Mulder realizes Scully never gave up on him.

No, but . . .

Yo, Nurse. Right over here. I'm the not-in-the-widely-understood-sense-of-husband husband. Scully and I have been together for eight years, minus small amounts of missing time, a couple of months off each for alien abductions, oh, and the recent period I've already mentioned in which I was severely life-force impaired. Well, and some estrangement through that whole Diana mess a couple of years ago, but we worked through that.

Empedocles Mulder navigates the hospital in his own way.

secondsflat/whithersoever's Samsara

As a kid, he used to have this cheap plastic camera with a viewfinder, and it made all the pictures he took look washed-out and off by an inch. That’s how his apartment looks now, he thinks. Like one of those poorly composed photographs. Or maybe it’s more like an elaborate Egyptian tomb, with all of the things he loved in his life Before arranged carefully and artfully around him, but by other people. A monument to his death. They’d re-created Martin Luther King’s hotel room in a museum after he died, too, right down to his breakfast, half-eaten on a tray. He'd always thought that was kind of weird.

Scully stands very still against the wall. They don't let you touch things in museums.

Three Words Mulder and Scully both feel guilty.

zulu’s Musings of a Knocked-Up FBI Agent

When his eyes had opened, it was as though the shutters on a window to a different life had been opened. Something had been there--something so far removed from their work, from his ceaseless quest, that it was almost alien. But with his first words, it had disappeared, as though some ghost had twitched a curtain back into place. They had fallen into the superficial patterns of partnership.

Three Words Scully and Mulder struggle through his anger and her loneliness.

@sixhours/6hoursgirl's (FFN) We Aren't Meant to Sleep Alone (Ao3)

“They’ll take you back at VCU. Skinner said as much…you have to apply, go through recertification, but—”

He winces. “I’m not interested.”

“The X-Files isn’t the only way to help people, Mulder. Your experience as a profiler is invaluable—”

He shakes his head. “No. The X-Files were my work, my life,” he says. “They can’t take that away and expect me to come crawling back to beg for table scraps.”

“Ours,” she says, feeling a twinge of anger at his stubborn insistence. “It was our work, our life. And I’m sorry that’s no longer the case, but Mulder, things change. People change.”

“Some of us didn’t have a choice,” he says, his eyes cold.

“You said it yourself,” she says, hating the rise in her voice. “The personal costs were too high.”

AU-- Three Words Mulder and Scully struggle through the FBI's refusal to reinstate, Mulder's (accurate) suspicion that Scully didn't want him reinstated, and her (righteous) frustrated floundering to get him to reconnect and stay.

Cathey Scully's It's been Awhile

Bits and pieces of his memory were missing. Mostly memories from right before he went missing, but somewhere in there, he'd try to think of the past and would come up blank. There was one thing he knew could never in a million years forget, the feel of Scully in his arms.

Mulder sat down heavily on his couch, his hand scraping roughly over the tender spots on his face. He barely felt the pain. It hurt more than anything to think about Scully. He felt deep blinding pain thinking about her.

Post-Three Words Mulder knows he has a place in Scully's life, but can't bring himself to accept it (yet.)

@lokisgame/Lokisgame's

Thumbelina And The Nocturnal Flower - Chapter 4

“What am I, Scully?” His voice was low, the blunt honesty took her by surprise, cutting straight to the core of her fear....

Three Words Mulder is terrified he's not himself.

A Buzzing Sound

Scully kept her chant, forcing the fear and memories away. She knew the feeling well, she couldn’t stand even a thought of visiting the dentist for over a year after being returned from her abduction and she still jumped slightly when she heard the drill start. She had to constantly remind herself that she’s present and in control, that it’s just a filling and there’s nothing sinister about it.

“You’ll have to do it” he mumbled into the small space he was getting used to sharing with her growing baby belly.

“Mulder” she said slowly, trying to spread out the sting of denial.

“Please Scully, you’re the only one I can trust right now” he was trying to move closer, as if the baby would somehow back him up.

Post-Three Words Scully (via Maggie) helps Mulder trim his hair.

@peacenik0's (Ao3) Where I Belong

He feels how expectant she is around him, but also how she holds back because she doesn’t want to overwhelm him. Her uncertainty hangs heavy on her shoulders. Mulder wants to reassure her, but how can he, when he so unsure himself? “I hope you’re hungry.”

He is in this strange state of feeling absolutely ravenous for anything he can get his hands on. And alternately sick to his stomach over the shambles he finds his life in.

Post-Three Words Mulder and Scully reconnect over burgers.

muldersboyishenthousiasm's Foundation Powder

‘What are you doing...?’ she asked. But she already knew what he was trying to achieve.

He held her gaze from where he was standing in front of the mirror. He was bent over the sink, holding her foundation powder in one hand and a damp tissue in the other. His expressive hazel eyes told her all she needed to know. She observed him while he put down the makeup material and turned to face her.

Post-Three Words Mulder tries to cover up his scars.

Dawn's (Ao3, Gossamer) Harbor (Ao3)

"You were my safe place, Scully. My one reason to hang on when all I wanted to do was let go."

I struggle to speak around the boulder in my throat, tightening my embrace when the words simply won't come.

"I'd imagine I was here with you, in this bed. The feel of your skin against mine. The smell of your hair..." Mulder's fingers falter and when he resumes speaking his voice is rough with unshed tears.

"After a while...it got harder and harder to remember. Your name was all I had left, and I was so afraid they'd take that, too."

Post-Three Words Mulder and Scully, nightmares and universal invariants.

@mctaminy/McTaminy's Scars

Mulder ran four fingertips up the length of her spine, feeling each notch of her vertebrae. She stirred awake, letting out a sleepy hum, but didn’t roll over. Her hair was longer and thicker than when he’d left, and he brushed it gently aside, hoping to touch and count the twin scars at the nape of her neck, one from the chip’s removal, the other from its replacement. But his caresses stopped. Just below her cervical notch was a longitudinal cicatrix. It lay straight along her spine and was at least 4 inches in length, edged with smaller pinpoint scars, stitch marks. He touched it lightly then withdrew his hand, an ache building behind his Adam’s apple.

Post-Three Words Mulder discovers Scully's new Roadrunner scar.

@starwalker42's (Ao3) febuwhump day 20: knife wound

It’s strange, having Mulder back. She’d always known once he returned that it wouldn’t go back to how they were before; she knew, now, what he’d been hiding from her all of last year, and they had a baby (they had a baby) on the way, and he was still processing how much time he’d lost. The first few weeks were rough, but they’re through those now and… well, even if it’s not back to normal, it’s good. Strange, but good.

Post-Three Words Mulder soaks in being "home"-- until he sees Scully's Roadrunner war wound.

Hang a Shining Star (Ao3)

Thanks to my admittedly rusty tree-decorating skills, it took me nearly an hour to get the lights just the way I want them. One good yank from that pint-sized fist and I'll be back to square one. I harden my heart to soulful wet eyes and hiccuping sobs, pulling out every toy in Will's considerable arsenal as a futile attempt at distraction. Ten minutes later rattles and stuffed animals are scattered across the floor like land mines but his sweaty, flushed face and increasing decibel level indicate he's not yet begun to fight. Despite that angelic face, Will possesses the tenacity of a pit bull when he wants something.

I think he gets it from Scully.

I eventually go for the big guns and heat a bottle. 

AU-- S9 Mulder is a new father and Christmas enjoyer... and not sure if he's entitled to a happy ending.

Beduini/beduini's Legitimate

Scully exhales, the sound barely audible but the delivery enough to warrant a quick sidelong glance over at her. Under his scrutiny, her hand rests on the swell of her abdomen and her brow is slightly furrowed in thought. Lips pursed, her eyes focus inward.

Quarters at Hotel Scully are getting tight.

He is leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees. His hands form a steeple in front of his lips, tapping, and he glances up at the institutional clock mounted on the wall. Ten minutes have passed.

AU-- Post-Vienen Mulder and Scully hit up the courthouse, flashing back-and-forth between her past sorrow and his present anxiety.

Lorri's Your Father's Child (mulderscreek)

Mulder has been back for exactly 32 days, 4 hours and 51 seconds. I am 4 days from my due date and we are making each other crazy. I know, I didn't think it would be possible either. I thought I'd be so elated to have him back that I'd never complain about him again. That lasted exactly 11 days, 9 hours and 22 minutes. At that moment he asked me for the 1,000th time if it was time to go to the hospital. He has had my bag packed and ready to go for three weeks. Last night I had to break into it to get a clean bra. He immediately re-packed everything and set it just exactly in the same spot, right near the door.

Part 3 of the "Wait Until Your Father Gets Home" series: S8 Scully is driven to distraction by Mulder's attentiveness as her due date approaches. 

xraelynn/Rachel Nobel's Clearing

Wordlessly, I reached into my wallet and pulled out the photo I'd been carrying for weeks. I didn't need to look at it to know exactly what he would see: Liam with his wispy red hair, so like Scully's. A grin that exposed his front teeth. The New York Yankees overalls Scully had purchased for him. Mulder's face was impossible to read as I passed it to him, but as soon as he looked at it his face seemed to crumple. Two fingers absently stroked the glossy surface of his son's face.

"He looks like her," he breathed despite himself.

"Scully always insisted he looked like you."

Mulder looked up at me, his eyes somehow hooded and wild. "Is he..."

"Agent Mulder, I know this is hard for you," I interjected. Agent Mulder. The words slipped out before I could help myself -- before I remembered that the man sitting in front of me was not Agent Mulder but the shell of him.

Mulder shook his head fiercely. "No, it's not hard," he said brusquely. "It's not hard, it's impossible."

AU-- Post-Requiem Mulder is returned years later: father to a son, widow to his partner.

Jenna Tooms/misslucyjane’s (mulderscreek) An Acceptable Level of Happiness

I lay Malcolm in his crib, trying to think of something to say. I stay at the crib, holding Malcolm's hand and watching him sleep. I say softly, "Someday we're going to have to explain to him why his daddy won't go swimming with him or why he wears long sleeves at the beach."

Mulder doesn't say anything for a moment, then he shoves the bureau so hard a bottle of lotion tumbles off, the mirror wavers and my jewelry box falls over. "We'll tell him his daddy's too ugly," he says shortly.

AU-- Post Existence Scully and Mulder (and baby Malcolm) sift and sort a life together as their first Christmas approaches.

maybe_amanda's (LJ) Under Construction (xffic)

Hers was the only story that made sense, of course - we had defeated the Supes; she had found the vaccine; I was holding a Bob the Builder backpack, so William clearly hadn't gone anywhere. Frohike had only lifted an eyebrow and told me to quit weirding him out the day he showed up at the front door and I poked him in the shoulder four or five times trying to determine whether or not he was a ghost. And as far as I could ascertain from speaking to Gibson, to Skinner, to Doggett and Reyes, the threat of alien colonization - from without and within - had really and truly been laid to rest.

We'd saved the world. And the FBI was still paying my salary.

Fox Mulder, this is your happy ending.

Try telling my brain that, though. It stubbornly refused to listen.

AU-- The world is saved sometime during the events of Season 9; and Mulder is returned, riddled with PTSD and hallucinations. He, Scully, and William stumble progressively forward, miscommunication and handsome men with trucks cluttering up their happily ever after.

Thanks for reading~