#afib

My back is up against the wall like never before. I just had to spend two full days and nights living in my car. While I was able to spend daytime hours at various locations like McDonald's and Dunkin (the Library being closed, so it wasn't an option), the nights were pure hell. No sleep from being crammed into the driver seat because my car holds all my worldly possessions.

I ended up so badly dehydrated that I've finally only been able to urinate in the last 15 hours; fear of not having overnight access to a restroom kept me from drinking enough fluids to function properly. My AFIB was triggered, making my heart race badly and pushing me to the edge of passing out from light-headedness. That happened when I was turning in redeemable bottles for the deposit money to buy food; I literally laid down on a bench waiting for it to pass, when the grocery store manager got an ambulance and I spent eight hours in the ER. When all my vitals returned to normal (and having gone that whole time without fluids of any kind until I asked for water at hour six), they released me to go "home" to my car. Two hoours later, my heart was back to racing again. After a single night in a room (last night), I'm just starting to recover, though my legs still ache very badly. I have no place to turn to as my short-term disability payments still haven't been approved. In two days, with temperatures in the 90's F, I'll be back in my car.

It's like a slow death, and if I could be unconscious throughout it, I'd choose that, but my body won't allow me to sleep. At this point, I'm begging for a single night at a motel at a time. $70 gets me that, even though the weekly rate is cheaper ($56/night). For the first time in this journey, I am out of both strength and hope. I never conceived of sinking this low. I have less than 48 hours to raise funds for the next night. I don't want to live through this again.

Your Heart Has Been Whispering. Most People Never Listen.

There is something nobody tells you about atrial fibrillation.

It does not always feel serious. That is exactly what makes it dangerous.

A flutter in your chest that lasts a few seconds. Tiredness that sleep never fixes. Getting breathless on stairs you have climbed a hundred times. A heartbeat that feels slightly off for no reason.

Most people blame stress. Blame age. Blame a busy week.

And AFib quietly keeps going.

Here is the number that stopped me cold. AFib raises your stroke risk by five times. Not a little. Five times. And nearly one in three people who have it feel absolutely nothing at all.

No warning. No symptoms. Just a stroke one day that finally reveals what was silently there for years.

Cases worldwide jumped from 33 million in 2010 to 59 million by 2019. That number is still climbing.

The signs are usually quiet ones. A pulse that feels random and uneven. Chest pressure that comes and goes. Exercise that suddenly feels twice as hard as it used to.

None of it feels dramatic. That is the whole problem.

Two fingers on your wrist. One minute. If your heartbeat feels unpredictable and uneven, please talk to a doctor. Ask for an ECG. It takes five minutes, and it is completely painless.

Early detection is still the most powerful thing you have.

Do not wait for a dramatic symptom that may never come.

🔗 Full guide — 7 Early AFib Symptoms, Diagnosis, Treatment: RealMedVision

I put off writing this for the last twelve hours, but I have no choice now, and I can't sugarcoat it. I was braced to move into my car indefinitely tomorrow, with my plan to park at various McD's, Dunkin's, and the Barnes & Noble in town, hanging out inside so I could have bathroom and electricity access, to keep my phone charged. Had a wee errand to run today, but my car wouldn't start. Long story short? I can't move my car anywhere now because the alternator died. Estimates for replacement & labor are $500-$1,000. So basically, I'm screwed.

I got two nights grace from a relative who can't really afford it, to allow me a couple nights more in a room before I'm out on the street. There's no way I can live in my non-working car in the motel parking lot. To try to walk to the nearest public restroom as needed is out of the question with my heart condition, let alone the heat. I'm nearly out of time and nearly out of hope. So here I am again, begging for the kindness of strangers--honestly, I'm so worn down by the Struggle to Survive, there are moments I just want to lay down, fall asleep, and not wake up.

Hey, but don't worry, I could never take my own life. First, because as I'm sure I've mentioned, I'm the most stubborn b*tch that you might ever meet. And more importantly, there's this quote that has stuck with me my whole life since reading it in my teens, from Samwise Gamgee in The Two Towers:

"...but where there's life, there's hope..."

Yeah, a Hobbit's wisdom. Tolkien's wisdom. Keeping me hanging on by a silver thread.

Anyway, if anyone can help, I'm setting the goal at $600, fingers crossed the job can get done, and soon, for less. Amen, Lord. AMEN. And bless anyone that answers this plea!

$0/$600

health & financial update

It's been weeks and weeks since I've needed to do this, and that's been a tremendous blessing in my life. Having the stress of my financial difficulties removed for a time has given me a freedom I haven't known in the nearly five years of being homeless--which in turn finally freed me from Writer's Block, contributing to better emotional and then physical health. And I pray I can continue to write as long as my imagination remains available to me!

I'm still on medical leave for my heart conditions; I'm at 45% heart efficiency (I don't think that's the exact technical term) & on six types of meds, several of which have side effects that keep me sidelined. My Cardiologist is trying to manage my conditions via meds & lifestyle adjustments, but he truthfully feels I will need a procedure sometime down the line. I finally got to see a Primary Care Physician last week who has forwarded paperwork to Walmart's leave approval company, and hopefully--finally--I'll get approved and can apply for State medical leave coverage. That has a 2-week window, and you can't apply again once you've been declined, so the timing is everything, and the Walmart end has to be thoroughly completed before I can turn to the State. Fingers crossed, it'll be May for a start date to collect 60% of my lost pay.

So, I'm looking to try to raise money to cover housing for April. Right now, I've got a room through Wednesday morning, April 8th. After that, I'll have to stay in my car. I'm praying this is the last time I'll need to plead for help. I know I've probably exhausted most of the good will extended to me here, I hate doing this, and I don't want to do it anymore. I'm setting my goal at $900, but I know that is nearly impossible. Still, hope guides me as it has from the start, and the worst that can happen is a no-go. Any help that anyone can manage would be as heaven sent.

$0 / $900