#aengers

What Tom had learned in the past week was that he did not fall out of love with you, he was simply overlooking how significant you were in his life and how he regretted it now. He couldn’t comprehend how you had managed to slip to the back of his mind when once you were the stars in his eyes.  

He blamed himself for the bitter end to the sweetest thing he had ever experienced in his life. Sure he had girlfriends before you that he loved, but you were different; he didn’t just love you, he thought you were his soulmate and now he was certain of that.  

He let out a sigh and glanced around at the empty beer bottles lined up on the table and thought to himself how he could let things go so wrong that day, in the exact spot he was sitting.

“I’m pathetic.” He voiced to himself, breaking the silence.

The End;

Tonight felt different.

The aura around Tom no longer made you feel safe and comfortable, in fact, you felt the complete opposite. The night was filled with an uncomfortable silence that made you feel sick. Even the way the two of you were seated at the dining table made your heart sink a little. Usually, Tom would always sit adjacent to you because he always wanted to have you as close as possible, but today, he sat himself down opposite to you.

“Is everything okay?” You asked, not meaning anything to come of it.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Tom asked, glancing at you.

You were taken aback by his response, so you decided to steer the conversation in another direction, “How is the food?” You asked hesitantly.  

Tom hummed a half hearted approval.

You grew frustrated with each passing minute of silence but tried to keep calm. “Tom, please tell me what’s wrong. Did I do something?”

“No.” Tom voiced.

“Why aren’t you talking to me properly then?” You asked.

“I don’t know.” Tom said and you gave him a look, so he continued, “Things just aren’t working out.”

Your breathing fell shallow, “In general or with us?”

Tom was hesitant before uttering a quiet, “Us.” When you didn’t say anything, he took it as a sign to keep talking. “It’s just, you cooking my favourite dinner is predictable. You setting the table how you do is predictable. Your conversation starters are predictable. There’s nothing spontaneous left in this relationship. I know exactly what’s going to happen in every moment.”

Each sentence stung more and more, making you feel small and insignificant.

“If you actually talked to me more, maybe we wouldn’t be in this position.” You said quietly.

“I don’t even know how to talk to you anymore.” He said, breaking your heart.

“How can you say that? I love you, you don’t need to try hard to talk to me.” You said. His head fell when the word ‘love’ fell through your lips and suddenly everything clicked into place, but you hoped it wasn’t true.

“Do you even love me anymore?” You whispered, afraid of the answer that would follow. Except no answer came. But the silence was answer enough for you and that’s when the tears started falling down your face as you choked back a sob.

“I’m sorry Y/N.” Tom said, not even coming to your side to console you. That shattered your heart even more.

“Is there someone else?” You asked shakily.

“No, no of course not. I would never do that to you.” Tom said.

“Why? Because you wouldn’t want to hurt me or something? Guess what Tom, you’ve already done that.” You said, ducking your head down. You couldn’t even face him.

“I’m sorry.” He said again.

“Stop fucking apologising.” You cried out.

“Well, I don’t know what else to do,” Tom said.

“Maybe start with what went so wrong for you.” You said, wiping your own tears away because Tom wouldn’t.

“I don’t know what went wrong. I did love you but now I don’t. Fuck. I don’t know.” Tom struggled to explain. “I felt like I got tired of loving you because I got tired of our relationship. I can’t keep pretending I’m happy when I’m not.”

When someone you love tells you that they love you back, it’s the greatest feeling in the world. You feel like you can do anything. You feel accomplished, purposeful and of course, loved. It builds you up, higher and higher, making your heart soar and making you feel like you can fly.

But then, when the person you love, tells you they don’t love you anymore, you’re suddenly smacked back to reality. All the time spent building you up comes crashing down and you’re left broken and scathed.  

It was silent.

You knew Tom would never be able to take back his words and they kept replaying in your mind over and over again. I got tired of loving you. You stared mindlessly at the dining table before getting up quietly. I can’t keep pretending I’m happy when I’m not. Grabbing a pair of shoes and your coat you slipped wordlessly out the door, holding in your tears. I’m sorry.

It stayed silent.

The New Beginning;

It had been five months since that night and not once had he spoken to you, nor had you spoken to him. How could you after he played with your heart in such a fickle way. You were angry at first, then sad and suddenly, you were healing.

Tom glanced at your number on his phone. He couldn’t bring himself to delete it, or any other part of you that was attached to his phone. He often found himself hoping it would ring with you on the other end, but of course, it never did. He had come to terms with the fact that he would never see you again.

So when Tom walked into the bar with a girl that he had just started seeing, the last person he expected to see was you and yet, there you were, just as he remembered you. Your eyes were shining, smile bright and a pink flush dusted your cheeks. What he first thought was a flush of intoxication was abruptly shut down when he saw you let out a laugh at the unfamiliar man sitting beside you.

You were happy.

So in that moment, he couldn’t bring himself to approach you because he wanted this moment of you in complete joy to be the only thing he remembered and not the sullen and defeated look you had that night.

“Let’s go somewhere else yeah?” He said to the woman on his arm. He had started to turn around to leave when he bumped into a table.

“Bloody hell.” You heard the familiar voice say. One you hadn’t heard in 152 days. You quickly whipped your head around to the commotion and there he was. Hair shorter, but still the same Tom you had fallen in love with that long time ago.

He brushed himself off and looked at you, and you looked at him.

You smiled.

He smiled.

It was silent.