#acclimation

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"So I understand," said the Tyrant. "I imagine that fish have no word for water."

When it first began airing, in 2016, it quickly became something I watched alone in off hours while my spouse was busy because they couldn’t stand it. It felt, to them, like excessive and needless pain - like political torture porn. It’s an understandable perspective, I think, and I couldn’t put into words at the time what exactly I saw in it beyond that.

But lately, I’ve had the scene from the “before times” where the main character finds out women have been stripped of their financial rights when her credit card is suddenly declined. There’s a believable mundanity to that moment, a relatability that stuck with me. The dread of realizing your bank account is empty, money gone faster than you anticipated and you’re not sure why, not knowing in that moment if you’ve overdrawn or been scammed somehow or if your paycheck didn’t go through or… or, I guess, if the government has seized your assets and reduced you to sub-citizen status without warning. It just felt like a very imaginable extension of an already familiar feeling.

I needed to watch it again, like listening to a song stuck in your head in the hopes of it unsticking. And the scene was later in the show than I remembered, and so many other little things were hitting in a way I know they didn’t back, and now I guess I’m rewatching the whole thing.

It only took me an episode or two in to realize what it was I got from this show, though. The thing that felt worthwhile, despite the brutality and the anguish that fills it. If nothing else it’s a reminder that it is possible to survive things that may be unimaginable to you now - that people have survived these things, and will again, and that survival is worth honoring. And it’s a reminder, simultaneously, of the importance of fighting back and refusing to give up or give in. That survival and staying alive are not always synonymous. It must be a reminder I need now more than I did then, because it seems so obvious to me now… which is in and of itself unnerving in a way.

The smallest, silliest thing that immediately stood out to me was the eyebrows. 2016 feels like it just happened, I don’t think of this show as “old,” I didn’t expect it to really look noticeably different than something made a year or two ago… but it does. Everyone’s eyebrows look so thin and trim and tidy, even in the “after” times. That’s how long it’s been, how long this dread has been living in the pit of my stomach, this quiet anxiety I’ve been rationalizing and coping with just fine but can never really shake.

The thing about the credit card scene, a thing I had forgotten and maybe the very thing I felt I needed to see again, is that it comes along much later than I thought. Not just in the sense that it was a later episode, but later in the process of the insurgent fascist government’s seizure of power. It happens suddenly, yes, but in the context of a drawn out unraveling that the characters have been steadily acclimating to. It’s an abrupt change, but it’s not shocking to them - at least, not quite shocking enough. The main character doesn’t immediately pack her bags and plan an escape. There’s objection and protest along the way, sure, but not they’re not flooding the streets and rioting. It’s less than I would have imagined in 2016, far less than the uprisings of 2020, but it feels proportionate now. It’s what I would expect now. And when the main character attends a protest, and senses that it’s about to turn, and begins retreating just in time as an armed force in riot gear opens fire - that feels believable now, too. Not that it didn’t before, but in a way that feels closer now. In a way that dulls the impact of the scene itself. And when the queer university instructor finds out she’s being shelved because a student glimpsed a photo of her with her wife and their child on her phone, that feels believable too. Believable like you could tell me it was already happening, and I just hadn’t heard, and I’d believe you. And all the scenes of men in positions of power discussing the birth crisis and coolly discussing enslaving women as a solution, that too feels believable. Tangible.

I kind of rolled my eyes when I first heard there was another season coming, had no real interest in sitting through another season of agony. It already felt kind of drawn out to me, I was already kind of over it by the end of season four (if not sooner). Rewatching it hasn’t changed my feelings on virtually any of the criticism I had or heard of the show while it was previously airing, but… I’m glad I decided to revisit it. I’m not sure how enthusiastic I’ll be for another season by the time I finish this rewatch, but it makes more sense to me now.

“Women are so adaptable, my mother would say. It’s truly amazing what we can get used to. I’ve been here for two months. What have I gotten used to?”

Author’s Notes: I received a prompt from @darthsinister66​ from a "Asks for OCs and their Partner(s)" post. “💌 Write a love letter from your OC to their partner(s). BONUS: write a reply!” The following piece is part of my Awakenings series. It’s a letter sent from Corellan Halcyon, my Jedi Knight / Alliance Commander, to Kira Carsen, while Kira is leading a mission to Tatooine, their first time apart after Kira joins the Eternal Alliance. (For details on the aftermath of that mission and their reunion, read Acclimation, which is Chapter Ten of the series.)  

Kira,

I know it’s only been a few hours and that we talked before you left. But there were some things I felt I needed to tell you. Things I hope you already know, but I needed to say anyway.

First – I’m sorry your first mission leading a strike team is to Tatooine. I remember you didn’t care for the place, and I don’t blame you.

Second – I’m even sorrier that your first mission involves containing an outbreak of Rakghouls. I know this mission will test you, physically and mentally. But your experience fighting them in the past makes you the best qualified person to lead this mission, and you above everyone else on your team understand not only the stakes, but the purpose of the mission: Killing Rakghouls is merely a short-term necessity. Your mission is to contain the outbreak, and in doing so, to protect as many innocent people as possible.

That’s what the Alliance is about.

That’s what you and I have always been about.

Third – I love you. And I believe in you.

I promise that when you get back, I’ll make it up to you. I waited all this time to get you back; I don’t intend to ever lose you again.

I’m yours. Eternally.

Love,

Corellan

In May they had taken her out of a large stall with other friendly cats at the rescue and put her in the kitchen to try to socialize her better, but in the kitchen they also had two asocial cats (Beasley was described as “nasty”) so as much as I think Tabs got better at getting pets she also got more wary of other cats.

She will go on little recon missions to another room upstairs, but if another cat appears (and Winter has not been helpful by putting her under surveillance like at *all times* - if he hears her in the hall he will run upstairs to watch her) Tabs will immediately get nervous and head back to her room and go under the bed again. So we keep having these treat sessions to try to convince her the residents here are really pretty chill and easygoing (even Winter.)

The other difficulty is that because she was confined to just one room of the rescue, if she sees me walking towards her she thinks she’s in trouble and better hustle back to her safe zone. So if she is out exploring I have to remain unseen or perfectly still.

Summer and Sam have both sniffed noses with her, which I thought was a pretty big step, even if she did hiss in their faces.

Guinevere does a lot of chewing. She's 8 months old, well past teething. It's as cold as we ever get outside, the rest of us just want to curl up in the warmth and snooze, but Gwyn needs to chew.

I expected this, or at least thought it was probable. I saw some rather frantic chewing occasionally in foster dogs when they had a significant life change that was *good*.

Understand, Gwyn wasn't mistreated before. She had all her physical needs well met and daily affectionate handling. But her life now is very different. And even if she likes the change, change takes acclimation.

I'm doing my best to direct her to chew toys instead of stuffed toys or cloth (we've lost a couple of Tristan's toys, but ones that we won't miss),and she's getting pretty good about going for the permitted chewables. Occasionally she seems to desperately need to rip fabric. I have a holey old towel here for those times.