#ablesplain

I feel absolutely dreadful atm. Blah. One of my old friends (definitely not Taze guys, he helped me through a lot of it so don't assume it was him!) from school felt the need to ablesplain at me and idk.. I just shut down sort of? Like... Idk. I'm really grossed out by their opinions on disability and really disappointed bc they wouldn't take the time to look up any information or form an informed opinion... And idk, I sort of shutdown sort of didn't? I'm not really sure what happened except I went nonverbal and my heart was beating very fast like during a panic attack, but I wasn't sweaty or breathless and I didn't want to run away? I shutdown on a weird level because I could still type very well but I couldn't even think about speaking and I got very weak, to the point it felt like I was tryingdrying to walk with like cinder blocks on my arms and legs? I was very weak and non responsive to things, even loud noises But like, my mind wouldn't turn down, it was kinda a jumble of thoughts... Was this a shutdown or an internal meltdown? I did feel a need to be alone (besides my husband), which I often don't feel when having a meltdown? Now my head hurts and I fell like I do when I have a bad sunburn (nausea and chills but my body is very hot) Idk... I wasn't going to post anything about this but I think I need to... I'm also having severe executive functioning issues, I can't order things very well. But idk, it's like my body reacted but my mind didn't? I'd like to know more about this tbh... And ways to recover, especially from the weakness bc this is 10x worse than a normal meltdown. I usually just sleep after a meltdown but atm I'm just very wound up/static... I'm not sure what to call this. I'm so weak holding my phone takes a lot of energy But of course not having it makes me feel... Panicked because I'll start thinking about the argument. Idk... I feel like I shouldn't make a post about this but I'm still stressed and Taze is asleep and Drew can only offer so much help bc he is absolutely an amazing wonderful person but he's also Allistic and even though he's 100% at seeing things the way I do he can't 100% relate to me on ablesplaining/ableism like other autistic peeps could So idk... Like... I think the worst part is I always hold out this hope that the person will eventually learn what was wrong... In this case not even taking the time to fact check or listen to other autistic people???? Like... I just always want things to turn out okay and I always expect them to figure out how to be understanding And of course things don't work like that so it's always kinda crushing I really hate this ... It was so horrible though, they told me that I shouldn't let Autism define me because I can "function in the real world" like a "normal" person.. And idk... That's so awful but I didn't have the words to explain why it was so awful. And now I'm just.... Horrible feeling. I almost threw up twice and I'm still so shaken. It's just really upsetting, esp bc I always really admired this person's logic/intellect what have you and i always wanted to be better friends with them and now I don't even think I could talk to them at all because it wasn't just a situation of: "i have an uniformed opinion" but it was: "I have an uniformed opinion and I'm talking to someone who is informed, and this person asked me to inform myself and I flat out refused" Idk... I just... I thought they were a lot better than that??? Like I get not understanding something or not being informed/wanting your opinion to be right But when the person/group of people your opinion will affect tells you there's something wrong with it... Idk, I'd just hope you'd at least want to be more informed about the situation? Like, how can I be friends with someone who not only has an uniformed and negative opinion about something that affects every part of my life, but openly refuses to learn more or seek out information about it??? Idk... Idk, I'm really blah at the moment. I feel like passing out and throwing up and crying all at once.