i am trying to focus on good things. tomorrow i should get a flat - but im scared shitless that the landlady is gonna decide that she doesnt want a fag in her flat.
i am thinking about the moment two weeks ago when i managed to calm myself down and my parents werent acting up for a second, and i started a lamp project (ive always wanted to make some cool lamps and i got a wonderful idea).
i am thinking about all the things ive learned in such a short amount of time about fishes, about ecology and our planet, etc. how i felt about it all in the moments that were a bit calmer.
i am thinking of who im gonna be, who i was always supposed to be. all the bad things can pass. i hope they will pass before they kill me.















