Thursday was my and Stephen's 3 YEAR anniversary! WOW. Those who know us are aware what a long crazy and interesting road it has been for us and what a delightful surprise it is that we've made it this far. As big of a milestone as this was, this was not my uncomfortable moment of the day. No, my moment was bigger, and it has a backstory.
On Thursday I sat down with my uncle Nadeem and had a wonderfully rich and involved conversation with him. He and I spoke for hours and reignited the bond we've always shared. We'd always gotten along. A doctor in Chicago, he was the one uncle who swore, smoked cigars and yelled at the television from his couch. In a group of strictly religious family members, he was my kind of uncle. Not that there was any love lost between myself and the other uncles, I've developed beautiful relationships with each, it's just that I've always gravitated towards the scruffy realist grump in every group setting.
Through whatever family circumstances that took clumps of family apart on different errands, Nadeem and I found ourselves chatting away on the couch watching the market close. He did an okay job of trying to explain stocks to me, and urged me to seek his counsel on stocks when I got rich. I gave him my word. Talking to him was as easy as ever, which was an immense relief. I was nervous about seeing him. I'd been feeling like a fraud of a niece for the last year.
See, Nadeem had a major surgery about a year ago. Very major. And I never called him to show support. Not even once. Dad urged me to call several times. At first I was scared, and then I was nervous about how to apologize for calling so late, and then... I just... Didn't Call. I never even found out what he had the surgery for.
On Thursday, the conversation flowed effortlessly to this topic. Nadeem mentioned that he hasn't been the same since the surgery. I asked further questions, and Nadeem patiently explained that he had an aortic abdominal aneurism removed. Yeah, that's a mouthful. He went into further detail that I can't even begin to reiterate, but basically it is even more extreme than a bypass surgery. He said it took six hours, and that he went through two doctors before he found the right surgeon who he believed could perform it. He self-diagnosed and was spot on. The doctors were so surprised that he had guessed correctly that they brought the whole hospital staff through so Nadeem could explain is diagnosis. Nadeem knew that this was an aneurism for six months before he told anyone, knowing that if the aneurism popped he would die instantly.. It is this stubbornness that I can relate to. He knew everything would be different once he told people, he knew everyone would swarm around him, so he kept it to himself. Not that I would condone this behavior - if you know you could die at any moment, freaking tell someone!
Nadeem called the lawyers and finalized his estate before he went under. He said he went into the surgery with the same spirit he would have at a wedding. He was at peace with his life and the work he'd done. He was at peace with his whole life. He let go of his need to live. Utterly remarkable.
As a part of the surgery, the surgeon would have to clamp on the artery that sends blood to the lower half of the body, kidney included. This is where most of the complications took place, my uncle explained. It is standard procedure that after this surgery, patients then go on dialysis for a temporary or permanent basis. Nadeem gave his surgeon two conditions: One, that he would go straight from the hospital to his house; and Two, that he would not go on dialysis at all. The doctor agreed, and so it went. And he is alive. My dad visited for a week and took care of him after the surgery. They get along very well. They are the same age, after all. That's another fun tidbit I found out this weekend.
Family just gets better with age. The older I get, the more I find out how awesome these people who raised me really are. That is something to be grateful for.
