"This Sunday Morning"

My new favorite thing for breakfast is vanilla yogurt with granola, almonds, and raisins. Thanks res for removing my typical breakfast and introducing me to new ones.

On Saturday we have breakfast in program in php. But the menu is different than in res, and I'm 100% uncomfortable with all the options. SO it looks like I'll be finding more new breakfast options whether I like it or not. I got a(nother) refusal yesterday morning bc I couldn't finish the breakfast and I didn't trust the supplement portions bc they looked different than in res. (apparently they are a bit because we're suppose to be "more flexible now" but lollll I'm not).

I’ve been through some pretty messed up shit in the past. The events of the last week and a half have me back in my dark place. I don’t have the energy to be eloquent, so forgive me for that now because it’s only getting worse from here.

My period last month was MIA. I almost always miss my period in August because of stress. School is starting, I’m adjusting to a new schedule, this year I started grad school. So it makes perfect sense that my body would miss a period. At least it made sense to me. The guy I was seeing seemed to be a bit confused.

I took two pregnancy tests. One 5 days before my missed period. One two days after. Both were negative. I told him that and he seemed fine with it.

Fast forward a week. He asks me to “hang out” and then asks if Mother Nature graced me with her presence yet. I said no she’s MIA this month with a shrug. He freaks out. I remind him I had already taken two tests that were negative. He has the nerve to be doubtful and REQUESTS I TAKE ANOTHER FUCKING TEST.

I go back and forth about taking another test. I know my body and I know I’m not pregnant. I’m annoyed that he doesn’t believe me. I decide I want him to feel like an ass so I take a THIRD test. Let me just throw this out there, but those pee sticks aren’t exactly cheap. So not only am I wasting my time proving what I already know, I’m wasting my money too.

I take the third test, and what do ya know? It’s negative. I send him a picture of the negative test with the caption “do you believe me now” to which HE LAUGHS AND SAYS YES. I have to explain how not funny this situation is because I had already had two negative tests and that he didn’t believe me was insulting. He said he wasn’t familiar with the accuracy of and when the tests needed to be taken. AS IF I HAVEN’T DONE THIS BEFORE.

I’m so tired of men acting as if they know my body better than I do. I thought taking the third test and sending it to him would offer me validation but all it did was upset me even more. I’m angry with him but I’m also angry at myself for spending money I didn’t have on a completely unnecessary test.

Guys are trash.

There was also an incident at my retail job with ignorant, entitled girls accusing me of something I didn’t do. But I don’t have the energy to get into it. Long story short: they made me feel awful and cry at work.

People suck.

I’m tired. I’m done dating. It’s not worth my time anymore. So I’m washing my hands of it.